Yumi Stynes - Ladies, We Need To Talk: Everything Were Not Saying About Bodies, Health, Sex & Relationships

Dearest reader,

In this book were going to explore adult content and themes. While we have thought carefully about everything included in this book, some of the language and stories may offend some people.

Much love,

YUMI & CLAUDINE

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When Claudine Ryan approached me to be involved in a podcast she was pitching at the ABC, we had never met before. The podcast didnt even have a name. I had never worked for the ABC. Claudine had never made a podcast. It seemed far-fetched, but the two of us met in a cafe and stirred our coffees and talked about the things that stirred our passions.

In 20 years of working in media, Ive learnt that you never know where those first meetings are going to go. Often nothing comes of it the meeting is like a seed that was planted but never grew. A lot of seeds get thrown around in any creative process, and its hard to predict which are going to die, and which will land and grow into something extraordinary.

If you want to talk growth, it would be difficult to explain the difference between the person I was back then, sitting in that cafe, and who I am now. Suffice to say, the changes have been immense, positive, and I owe a lot of it to Claudine and the hard-working team behind Ladies, We Need To Talk. Together, we planted a forest. A lot of the growth was in the work, which you can see and touch and hold in this book. And a lot of it was here (Im pointing to my heart).

When the first episode of the podcast dropped back in September 2017, it immediately found a massive audience. It felt like wed cracked the code and created a podcast that spoke to listeners in that same precious way that women can speak to each other when they feel safe. You know that kind of talk? Where the tone and volume drops, you check behind you to make sure no-one is listening and then you share. Women share confidences. We reveal secrets. We do it with love. And we do it with trust.

Trust is like friendship: it cant be rushed. In those early days, Claudine and I didnt know each other but we caught a good vibe, and we started our work together respectfully and with kindness. That has extended to everything weve done with the podcast, including this book. And it includes how we want to treat you: our listener and reader.

Working on the podcast put me in regular contact with a suite of amazing and accomplished ladies and sometimes even made me feel like I could be one of them. From experts to survivors, regular people with a story to tell, those who have endured shocking trauma, and doctors and professors who have changed lives, Ive learnt so much from everyone we have interviewed.

Crucially, Ive learnt that being awesome is a daily practice like meditating or parenting or training for a marathon. You have to keep at it, and its being dogged and determined and savagely committed that makes you unreal.

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I went to Yumi Stynes with a seed of an idea; we planted and grew it together. The idea was simple: create a podcast by women for women where wed explore things we feel uncomfortable talking about. Things like peeing ourselves when we exercise, discharge that bleaches our undies, sex that hurts or feels like a job to cross off your to-do list, or the kind of toe-curling sex you fantasise about.

In my work as a health reporter and digital editor for the ABC, I had learnt that there was a big audience for stories about these kinds of taboo topics. I had read enough research and interviewed plenty of experts who helped me understand there was a real knowledge gap when it came to womens health and sexuality, and hiding in this gap were things women needed to know. I wanted women to know that one in two women over 50 who have been pregnant experience prolapse, but what you do when youre younger can reduce the risk. More than 70 per cent of women over 40 have low libido, and this doesnt have to mean your sex life is over forever. Women are more likely to be dissatisfied with their body than not, but just knowing this can be the first step in starting to challenge unrealistic beauty standards in your own way. Those of us in heterosexual relationships are getting ripped off when it comes to orgasms during sex with their partner, but you can make your pleasure a priority.

Soon after making contact with Yumi, I discovered that she was exactly the kind of woman I wanted to work with smart, funny, fearless, hard-working, as well as big-hearted, practical and thoughtful. Just before our first phone conversation I had been caught in torrential downpour, and as we spoke I was shivering in wet clothes in the ABC Ultimo office. Ten minutes after we hung up, I got a text from Yumi shed dropped off a dry change of clothes for me at reception. I fell for her then and knew our audience would too. She was like the cool best friend I had wanted in high school, one who would encourage me to go outside my comfort zone, but who looked out for me and would always have my back.

When we finally met for coffee, Yumi and I talked about many things, including how sex education totally lets down girls (and boys). Outside school, the lack of knowledge and shame in talking about private parts crosses generations. The impact of this lack of knowledge and confidence in talking about our bodies is that far too often we dont know our bodies, and we dont know ourselves.

We spoke about how so many of us shy away from our own bodies. We dont know how they work. We dont know how to get the help we need when something is wrong. We dont know how to advocate for ourselves with our partners and doctors.

We wanted to empower women our listeners and now our readers with the right language. We wanted to help them build confidence and to let them know that they arent alone, that their bodies arent gross and that for every shameful, embarrassing secret being kept under wraps, there is an antidote called knowledge. And knowledge often leads to power.

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Theres this idea that women talk with each other about everything, but there are actually still some big no-go zones. Sometimes theyre so taboo theyve become invisible to us. Sometimes we wont talk about them because we feel uncomfortable, or dont want to offend or hurt someones feelings. We made a decision for the podcast to head right into those no-go zones. In this book, weve focused on the no-go zones that make us feel the MOST uncomfortable and most urgently need to be talked about.

For some of you these conversations may make you feel awkward, even squeamish. But thats OK its what happens when you do something new. Truth is, if you are a grown-up, with a grown-up body, who enjoys doing grownup things, then you need to know your body. Get to know its names. Find out what it likes and dislikes. Maybe even give it a smile from time to time.

The Ladies team has always wanted to put out a book because we wanted to go a little deeper. To take the time and space to lay out facts and stories in a way that you could come back to and double-check and re-read. This stuff is real, and it takes longer than a podcast episode to sink in. Also sometimes you need to see something for it to truly make sense, so its been a joy to be able to include beautiful diagrams and illustrations.