Sherri Shepherd - Permission Slips: Every Womans Guide to Giving Herself a Break

Copyright 2009 by Sherri Shepherd

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Grand Central Publishing

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First eBook Edition: October 2009

ISBN: 978-0-446-55879-2

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This book is dedicated to my father,
Lawrence A. Shepherd.

You sacrificed your dreams so that I could live mine.

I love you.

S o many people I want to thank, so little space.

Everyone who knows me knows how important God is to me, so this is just for Him Thank You, Lord. Throughout this journey, Youve always asked the same question: Do you trust Me? I just want to say that even though it may seem like I dont, I do. And all those times I fussed and talked back, can we agree thats just water under the bridge? For all those nights You soothed my soul when all I could do was cry, for all You have done, and for the gift of my son. Thank You.

One is only as good as the people she surrounds herself with: The best theatrical agents anyone could have, Mike Eisenstadt and John Frazier. Sixteen years ago, you signed me when nobody knew my name. You believed in me when no one else did. You fought to get me in doors that were shut tight. You encouraged me even when I didnt believe in myself. Pamela Sharp, my publicist, who continued to knock on doors when folks didnt think I could sit on a couch and hold a conversationyou rock, lady! My businesss manager, Bob Bernstein, thank you for being my buffer, helping me get out of debt, and paying my parking tickets so I wouldnt go back to jail.

My literary agent, Yfat Reiss Gendell, from Foundry Literary + Media, I sure appreciate all that you have done to get me this far.

Karen Thomas, my editor, thank you for taking a chance on me. And of course, warm thanks to David Young, Jamie Raab, Emi Battaglia, Les Pockell, Deb Futter, Jennifer Romanello, Evan Boorstyn, Anne Twomey, Diane Luger, Elizabeth Connor, Deborah Feingold, Martha Otis, Karen Torres, Bruce Paonessa, Kelly Leonard, and the invaluable Latoya Smiththank you so much for your efforts in getting this book to where it is.

Laurie Kilmartin, my co-writer. I cannot say thank you enough for taking my words and my stories and turning them into something so beautiful. You also put into words how crazy I am about God without making me sound too crazy. Were two single mothers who connected on such a level, and I realized after talking to you that Im not alone. I appreciate your quirky sense of humor. To my extraordinary sisters, Lisa and Lauren. Your strength in day-to-day events inspires me. Lisa, thank you for beating up the girls who picked on me. You have raised five great kids and youll never have to worry about whos going to take care of you when youre oldwhos the smart one? Lori, thank you for the phone calls bugging me to cut Jeffreys hair and for being the mama. To my girlfriends whove supported me through the thick and thin of it all: Kim T., Earlene, Dianetta, Cynthia O., Vonda, Yospeha, Angelina, Lydia, Carlease, Christy, Sandy, Lakeitcha, Niecy, and Yvette. A special thanks to Earlene and Niecy, who held my hand through the pain of betrayal. You both gave me a shoulder on which to cry and held the phone for countless hours as I screamed, Why me? Every woman needs a male sounding board and Bone, for sixteen years youve been it. Thanks for being my brother, my friend, and my bodyguard. To my stepmom, Veta, and my sister Jessica. You love my dad, and I love you. To my girls at Ervin, Cohen & Jessupyou supported me and took on my workload so that I could go to my auditions. You stayed up way past your bedtime in order to go to my stand-up gigs. And thank you to Sandy Williams and Barbara Woods for not firing me. Its nice to know that I can always go back to work at the law firm if things dont pan out for me as an author! To Barbara Walters and my wonderful co-hosts at The View. You have embraced me and challenged me and make it a joy to come in to work every day. To Jeff Tarpley, the father of my child. Every day I have to say thank you for our son. Who knew that two people could fall in love and produce such a miracle? Jeffrey seems to have gotten the best and filtered out the worst of us. To my son, Jeffrey Charles. What would life be like without hearing your voice and seeing your smile? I first held you and wondered what the heck Id signed up for. I hold you now and wonder why I waited so long for you. You are my everything, Jeffrey. And lastly this book is dedicated to the millions of women around the world who need a permission slip every day.

And to those family members and friends who I didnt mention by name, please forgive me. You know I love you, but I was told that if I took space for another page, that would come out of my paycheck!

Doing Everything Wrong

I wish someone would have sat me down when I was a little girl and told me, Sherri, you cant do anything right.

Hold onI can explain.

We women are trapped by our circumstances in a way that men are not. We are bound to our families. Our connections to our loved ones are intricate and profound. We stand in the center of a deep pond, surrounded by our children, husbands, boyfriends, parents, siblings, co-workers, and friends. Every move we make has a ripple effect on the people in our pond. If we make a small move, we create a small wave. Big move, big wave. The bottom line is, even if youre doing the right thing, youre making a wave. And that means somebody in your pond is going to get wet.

How many times have you left the house at 8 AM, only to be haunted by competing cries as you shut the door?

Mommy, I dont want you to go to work!

Baby, you gonna put in a few more hours this week so we can pay the cable bill?

When I say we cant do anything right, I mean that we cant win. Im not implying that men arent bound to their families, or that their actions dont matter. In fact, men live the same way we do. The only difference is, they dont notice as much if someone gets wet.

Thats a huge difference.

Most men lead astonishingly guilt-free lives. I would love to be a man for one day, just so I could enjoy twenty-four hours of not being responsible for anyone elses pain.

My wifes mad at me? Well, she should stop being so emotional.

My dads disappointed in me? Well, his expectations are too high.

Im broke? Stupid economy.

That sounds like heaven. But if men dont take enough responsibility, women take on too much. Have you ever sat with your husband at a parentteacher day-care conference, only to get chewed out by the teacher?

You need to bring your son to school by 8AM. When hes late, he misses out on the first art project of the day.

If youre Mom, youre instantly stricken with bad mother guilt. But Dad, who thinks he deserves a medal for (a) getting his child to school before noon, and (b) even being at the meeting, will get insulted.

So?

I envy men. And while I dont believe we women can rewire ourselves to be like them, we must learn to forgive ourselves as much as we forgive others.