Sherri Mabry Gordon - Surviving a First Breakup

CHAPTER ONE
WHY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL

CHAPTER TWO
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

CHAPTER THREE
GETTING OVER GETTING DUMPED

CHAPTER FOUR
ADVICE FOR THOSE DOING THE DUMPING

CHAPTER FIVE
LETTING GO AND MOVING ON

I t was 2 a.m. on Christmas morning when Claire received the text message: "We need to talk." She knew what those words meant and pressed her boyfriend for answers. Eventually, what she discovered was that he wanted to exchange Christmas gifts and then break up. But if the relationship was ending, she decided it was better for it to happen right then rather than allow it to impact Christmas Day.

"At first, I wasn't too sad. I was more angry," Claire explains. "It made me mad that he did it on Christmas and through a text message. To me, that made him a coward."

Looking back, Claire says she saw the signs that he was not good for her and that the two were not compatible. For instance, her ex often made fun of other people. And while his words would bother her, she says she just "shoved it away" or brushed off his rudeness.

"I realized that you have to pay attention to your gut," she says. "If red flags are popping up everywhere, chances are they mean something. In my case, his comments truly were rude and I should not have ignored the fact that it bothered me."

She also says it's important to listen to your family and friends. "A lot of times they see things that you do not see," she says. "So if they say something like 'Hey, I think that he is mean to people or a little narcissistic,' then pay attention to that. They are not saying it to hurt you, but to tell you what is actually going on."

Tyler's experience was similar to Claire's. He also broke up with his girlfriend on Christmas Day. But his breakup had been in the works for quite some time. After all, Tyler and Dana struggled with trust issues in their relationship and had been arguing constantly for months, especially about her ex-boyfriend. Finally, Tyler had enough of the lies and trust issues.

The toughest thing about the breakup was feeling like there was never any closure, Tyler explains. "I never got to share my feelings. She would twist and turn things until it was always my fault. She lied about going out with her exboyfriend but then made it seem like I was a terrible person for even finding out."

Today, Tyler says he has learned that he really needs to take things slow and figure out what he wants in a person. Meanwhile, Claire offers this advice: "Your life is not over. This is not the only person that is ever going to be interested in you. You will have other boyfriends or girlfriends. So don't dwell on the fact that this one relationship didn't work out. Figure out why it ended and then move on.""

B reaking up is messy. Not only can it feel like someone stabbed a nail in your heart, you may also struggle to make sense of the loss you are feeling. And while you cannot imagine that anyone has ever felt the way you do, what you are feeling is actually pretty normal.

Almost everyone experiences a painful breakup at least once in their lifetime. And although it might feel like your life is over, it's not. You will survive.

In the beginning, it is easy to dwell on what went wrong. Obsessing over every little argument and disagreement, you try to analyze what you could have done differently. While it is tempting to relive the past over and over again, instead take a realistic look at what went wrong. Once you recognize where the problems were, you will be better equipped to keep it from happening in your next relationship. And there will be a next relationship!

Overall, there are seven primary reasons that teen relationships do not work out. These include everything from lack of attention to relationship abuse. If you are really honest with yourself, you will be able to see that one or more of these reasons led to the demise of your relationship.

Different priorities . Maintaining a relationship takes work. But if you and your ex are like other teens, you're busy. School, extracurricular activities, work, and family commitments take time. It can be hard to make room in your life for a relationship. At your age, that is OK. This does not mean that you do not matter. You do. It is just that the focus is elsewhere right now.