Rebekah Freedom Mcclaskey - Breakup Rehab: Creating the Love You Want

Copyright 2017 by Rebekah Freedom McClaskey

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

The material in this book is intended for education. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given or liability taken. Although the stories told are true, names have been changed to protect the privacy of others.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.

First printing, September 2017

ISBN 978-1-60868-489-2

Ebook ISBN 978-1-60868-490-8

Printed in the USA on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

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Contents

I nspired by the core concepts of AA and my numerous breakups, I wrote a new version of the classic twelve steps. These steps compose Breakup Rehab (BRx). Up until now, there is nothing like them that Ive found that really supports people through the stages of breakup (as I understand them). Plus, there is no rehabilitation center that I know of or twelve-step program to hand-hold us through the suck. Okay, actually there are many options, but I didnt create them so they dont count. No one can give it to you like I will the stages and the steps. Get your mind out of the gutter.

The stages of breakup (as I understand them to be):

The ending of us. The beginning of me.

Your ex turns into somebody you used to know.

Curl up in a fetal position and just need to be held.

Numb out by binge-watching TV.

Obsessively think about your ex and feel directionless without them.

Block numbers. Delete pictures. Return possessions.

Drink. Do drugs. Watch porn. Overeat. Turn to religion.

Search the internet for answers. Read articles on how to get your ex back instead.

Lightly stalk social media accounts.

Consider therapy.

Sign up for online dating or load a dating app.

Start talking to strangers on these apps.

Stay distracted to avoid being sad and lonely.

Start reading self-help books. Or just buy a bunch of stuff online that goes into a pile of things youll eventually get to such as reading your new stack of self-help books.

Endure the gap.

Go to yoga a few times. Think about eating better. Actually eat a hamburger.

Implode into an existential crisis covered up by being busy: Kids. Work. Money. Body. Yada. Yada.

Start dating again.

Um, how well is that working? And we wonder why we keep dating the same type of person that may be exactly like our parents or a total reaction to how we were brought up. Ive been there. I get it. So I created the twelve steps of BRx to get you through the stages of breaking up. To be honest, this process wasnt all beer and Skittles.

Breakup Rehab was really hard to write. The first version of this book was a personal reaction to a few breakups, but one in particular. It was my adolescent attempt at redemptive self-expression. In this, my second attempt, I had to revisit difficult memories. The process of writing then editing this book was like a painfully awkward class reunion where I kept trying to look like the cool girl.

As I wrote Breakup Rehab I had to grapple with dispensing relationship guidance while being single, which felt like a twisted paradox. That being said, Ive managed as a counselor to help veterans suffering with PTSD without having been to war. In this instance, if love is a battlefield, Ive fought the good fight and know exactly how to help others navigate the land mines.

When you invest in creating something like BRx, you hope, as a parent does, that the failings of your past can be guideposts for others futures. I have that special blend of life experience and academic training mixed with a philosophical mind and sensitive heart that helped me create BRx. I understand the struggle. I understand we all deserve the opportunity to be supported.

I remember finishing the first version of the book and self-publishing it over Christmas 2014. It took six months to complete the final edits and make one bad choice of a book cover it looked like the zombie apocalypse before I was finished. Editing had kept me in a denial spiral about how I actually felt about my ex and my future. Ironically, that ended once the book was published. I then released everything I had been holding back in a rage that came out as a long and scathing email. I angrily wrote my ex everything that didnt make it into the book.

Rage, disappointment, hurt, fear, loneliness, uncertainty, and contempt poured out of me line by line as I constructed a narrative about our failed relationship. The book and the email were my attempts at catharsis. After I finished both, I thought the pain was behind me. Then in 2016 I got a book deal, which was awesome, but it meant reopening old wounds and facing new fears.

Reliving a breakup sucks. But it had to be done. This book was meant for me to write and to get it right not only for myself but for everyone trying to figure out how to create lasting love. In writing Breakup Rehab I discovered that you dont have to be special to help others just real.

I poured everything I had into this book so that you could know that there is a guiding force in your life and a hand you can hold. Im here to help you. No gimmicks. No pomp and circumstance. Just raw truth delivered as best as I can.

Sometimes I get academic when talking about love. Professor Rebekah will show up and dispense some wisdom. That part of me the mentor is totally accepting. Then right behind her will be Screw it all! None of this matters anyway Rebekah. That part of me the rebel is very confrontational. These two parts of me fight a lot. Maybe thats why Im single. In any case, I use various voices when talking with you and sometimes at you, as a wise mother would. Put your jacket on and call me when you get there. Dont text your ex!

This isnt just another self-help guide. Its a self-realization journey. If Ive learned nothing else in life, its that the work is never done and the story never ends. Going through a breakup is all part of the process of being human. Im here to remind you that youre not alone.

I want you to know for sure that someone in the world is walking with you. I constructed the BRx twelve steps with the intention to acquaint you with the idea that everything matters and nothing matters. To the person going through it, a breakup can feel totally significant. Realistically, most of the planet doesnt care. But I do. The silver lining to your breakup is that it can be a real shot at helping you learn what you need so that you can live the life that is meant for you.