Sherri Donovan - Hit Him Where It Hurts: The Take-No-Prisoners Guide to Divorce—Alimony, Custody, Child Support, and More

Hit Him
Where It
Hurts

THE TAKE-NO-PRISONERS
GUIDE TO DIVORCE
ALIMONY, CUSTODY, CHILD
SUPPORT, AND MORE

SHERRI DONOVAN
Divorce Clinic Specialist, Service Fund of the
National Organization for Women, NYC

Copyright 2007, Sherri Donovan.
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made for brief excerpts used in published reviews.

Published by
Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com

ISBN 10: 1-59337-739-8
ISBN 13: 978-1-59337-739-7

eSBN: 978-1-44051-728-0

Printed in the United States of America.

J I H G F E D C B A

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Donovan, Sherri.
Hit him where it hurts / Sherri Donovan.
p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-1-59337-739-7
ISBN-10: 1-59337-739-8
1. Divorce suitsUnited StatesPopular works. 2. Separated womenUnited StatesHandbooks, manuals, etc. 3. Divorced womenUnited States Handbooks, manuals, etc. I. Title.
KF535.Z9D65 2007
346.730166dc22
2006032607

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters.

Cover image 2004 PictureArts
This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

I dedicate this book to my daughter,
Jasmine Rachael Clarke,
my Miracle Child.

Contents

Chapter 1
Are You Ready to Rumble?

Chapter 2
Choose Your Corner

Chapter 3
Conditioning for the Fight of Your Life

Chapter 4
Better Your Odds: Beef Up Your Legal Muscle

Chapter 5
Your Best Defense: Offense (a.k.a. Preparation)

Chapter 6
Eye of the Tiger: Rising to the Challenge

Chapter 7
Different Stakes in Different States

Chapter 8
Ringside Casualties: Protecting Children

Chapter 9
Getting Your Dues: Money Matters

Chapter 10
Pro Divorce: A Blow-by-Blow Playback

Acknowledgments

THE WORK ON THIS book would not have been possible without the patient understanding and precocious wisdom of my daughter, Jasmine, who allowed me the time and space to get it done.

Behind every strong woman there are more strong women. So I am grateful for the support of my women friends. For making certain that my practice stayed on track and for the years of dedicated service to our firm and our mission, I thank Jane Chua and Judy Edwards Greene, my long term paralegals for their expertise, loyalty, and assistance. For knowing how to get things done efficiently and properly, I thank Natashia De Graaf, my administrative assistant. I thank my many law student interns over the years, who provided their intelligent curiosity and research assistance, in particular Joy Rosenthal, Dawn Orsati, and Deena Kalai.

I give thanks to my parents, Judy Sutter and Sidney Sutter, and to the rest of my family who always encouraged my endeavors and achievements.

I thank my book agent, Lori Perkins, who had faith in this project from the beginning. My great appreciation for her impeccable talent and tireless work in record breaking time goes to my editor, Colleen Sell. I also thank Shari Michaels, my first editor who greatly assisted me in organizing the early draft of the book. Credit goes to my publisher, Adams Media, and in particular, Paula Munier and Laura Daly, for giving birth to this book.

I give honor and thanks to all of the women who allowed me to represent them and learn from their experiences, grow from their strengths, understand their difficulties, and advocate where they were weak. I thank the present and past presidents of the National Organization for Women, New York City for acknowledging a need for my services on behalf of women for over 16 years at N.O.W.s pro bono divorce clinic. Lastly but not least, I thank my adversaries upon whom I sharpened my skills, and the judges I have appeared before, who provided guidance and wisdom.

Introduction

YOU MARRIED THE LOVE of your life, your best friend, and sweetheart rolled into one, with the hope and expectation of living happily ever after, vowing until death you do part. Now, here you are, months or years or decades later, flattened by a deathblow to your heart, as the harsh reality or strong possibility of divorce strikes you with its merciless fist.

Maybe its been a long while brewing and youve finally reached the end of your rope, no longer willing or able to hang in there, waiting for things to change or for a better time to end it. Maybe you both saw it coming and worked hard to prevent it, but now youve realized youre beating a dead horse and youve got nothing left to give. Maybe the blow caught you by surprise, knocking the wind out of you and sending you reeling to the flooryour spouses out-of-the-blue confession that he wants out. Or worse, a stranger showed up unannounced and handed you a piece of paper telling you that, ready or not, like it or not, the end of your marriage has already begun... without you. Then again, maybe youve simply come to the liberating conclusion that, for whatever reason, youre just not into it anymore.

No matter how or why or when you got to this crossroads, divorce is tough. Really tough. Mike Tyson, George Foreman, Mohammad Ali tough. And anyone who tells you otherwise isnt telling you the truth. The simple truth is this: More often than not, divorce is a scrappy fight to the finish that can turn your ix one-time sweetheart and best friend into a sour brute and your worst enemy. And divorce is anything but simple. It involves and impacts every aspect of your lifenot to mention the lives of any children involvednot only during and immediately after the divorce, but for years afterward, often the rest of your lives. Even when a split is amicable, you can sustain a beating and not even realize the extent of the damage until after the fact, when its too late to even the score.

To survive a divorceto get through, over, and beyond it without losing your sanity or your shirtyouve got to approach it like a prizefighter. Youve got to condition and prepare yourself to go the full nine rounds and leave the ring intact, on your feet, and ready for a rematch. Youve got to assemble a solid team in your corner to keep you healthy, safe, and motivatedso you can stay focused on the fight and the prize. Youve got to hook up with a professional coach who can help you to anticipate and avert your opponents blows and guide you to a decisive victory.

How do I know this simple, if vicious, truth? Because Ive experienced it firsthand, in different capacities: twice as a contender, once as an up-close-and-personal ringside spectator, and more times than I can count as a coach. During the more than twenty years Ive practiced matrimonial law, Ive represented almost 2,000 women in their divorces and been involved with or studied the cases of countless others. Ive also battled through my own two divorces and witnessed the dissolution of my parents marriage. Divorce has been a central part of my life for a long time, and very rarely in my experience has the woman not had to fight for her rights and future.