Shannon R. Rios - The 7 Fatal Mistakes Divorced and Separated Parents Make:: Strategies for Raising Healthy Children of Divorce and Conflict

Copyright 2009 Shannon R. Rios

Life Threads Books
Evergreen, Colorado

All client and case details, though based on real people, cases and events, have been changed to protect clients confidentiality rights.

All material contained herein is owned by
Shannon R. Rios, MS LMFT,
except were properly attributed under
Fair Use guidelines as permitted under
United States Copyright Act of 1976.

All rights reserved.

Material may not be duplicated, distributed or used without the expressed written permission of the author.

Editing, cover and interior design by
Black Cat Creative Services, Cleveland, OH
www.blackcateditor.com

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rios, Shannon R.

ISBN: 978-0-615-31495-2

eBook ISBN: 978-1-62346-524-7

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009908509

Testimonials

This book is outstanding! It contains not only extremely valuable information every parent facing divorce needs to know, but it also is full of practical tools for minimizing the impact of divorce on children. I highly recommend it.

Judge Stephen A. Groome, District Judge, 11th Judicial District, State of Colorado

This wonderful book should be required reading and writing for every divorced or never-married parent. It also should be on the bookshelf of every mediator, counselor or attorney helping separated parents raise happier kids.

Dr. Shirley Thomas, author of Two Happy Homes: A Working Guide for Parents & Stepparents After Divorce and Remarriage

Dont let the word Fatal in the title scare you. When you look inside, you will find Shannon Rioss book to be one of the best parenting-after-divorce books ever written. She has understanding, compassion, and an uncanny understanding of what childrenand parentsneed. I have seen many divorce books during the past 25 years, and while they are all helpful in varying degrees, if every parent read Shannons book, most of the problems suffered by children as an outcome of their parents divorce would be substantially eased. This book should be required reading in all divorce classes.

David L. Levy, Esq., President, Board of Trustees, Childrens Rights Council

This book is a must-read for parents contemplating divorce, those already in the divorce process, and those who have a parenting plan in place. It gives parents important insight into the issues and real needs of children. Shannon has very important knowledge and wisdom to share with parents. I will recommend this book to all my clients who are dealing with parenting plan issues.

Albert V. Evans, Family Law attorney since 1970

Every so often someone comes along with the rare ability to see things differently and in doing so, changes our lives forever. Suddenly, issues that seemed so difficult to understand and actions that seemed too painful to take, begin to open up to an entirely new understanding that shifts our consciousness and heals our soul! It is this clarity of vision that Shannon Rios brings to her latest work. You owe it to yourself to read this powerful new book but more importantly, you owe it to your children.

Jeffrey Alan Hall, author, speaker, teacher, www.jeffreyalenhall.com, A Course in Miracles

Shannon Rioss personal experience, research, and professional expertise offer compassion and respect to divorced and separated parents. If parents read The Fatal 7 Mistakes and apply all the practical tips this book offers, they will get along better with their parenting partners, heal from their divorce faster and help their children come through the divorce with their self-esteem intact. This book will help ensure families achieve emotional health despite these life-changing events.

Jody Johnston Pawel, author of the award-winning book, The Parents Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family

Shannon comes from personal experience and from the heart in her deep desire to help children of divorcing parents. Parentsread this book! You CAN move through the divorce process without injuring your children!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D., author/coauthor of Healing Your Aloneness, Inner Bonding, Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?

For the divorced or separated parent who wants to raise emotionally safe and secure children: this book is a very important resource. This book was easy to read, yet practically applicable, capable of bringing out the subtle actions and words that parents, hurting from their own divorce experience, may not realize are inadvertently hurting their children.

David Meggitt, Manager, Colorado Childrens Program Betty Ford Institute

This book is a key practical tool for parents when life is in crisis. It will help to ensure that our unresolved issues start healing and do not dim the possibility of a joyful and creative life for our children. I truly thank you for gifting this book to the world.

Candice Bataille Popiel, co-parent of a 7- and 8-year old and co-author of Discovery of Glow

Parents of separation, divorce and conflict will find this book an invaluable and treasured guideits filled with heart-felt, sage, and practical advice. Shannon Rios shows parents how to ask themselves and their children questions that optimize healing and growth, even during times of conflict and difficulty. Children whose parents read this book will be lucky indeed!

Marilee Adams, PhD, author of Change Your Questions, Change Your Life: 10 Powerful Tools for Life and Work

As a mother of a 7-year old and going through a divorce, my main concern is the well-being of my child. This book is a godsend! It has helped me be the best mom for my son, while going through this difficult process.

Katy, mother of a 7-year old

Divorced and divorcing parents and their children, regardless of age, will see themselves in this book. They will also recognize the author knows how easy it is to be ensnared in the traps she describes and how difficult it is to avoid them. Shannon provides many prompts for improving self awareness and exercises to aid management of tendencies harmful to children. Those able to follow at least some of her suggestions should be richly rewarded by improvement in the health and happiness of their children as well themselves.

Bonnie W. Camp, MD, PhD, Professor Emeritus, Pediatrics and Psychiatry, University of Colorado School of Medicine

Dedication

To every child of
divorce and conflict in this world,
May your pain be healed.

To my parents,
thank you for this journey
so that I may assist others.

To my sisters,
Jessica and Karissa,
I love you both so very much.

And my nephew, Liam,
thank you for your joy.

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank my friends and family who assisted me in making this book possible. Thank you, Karla, for your countless edits and 2-cents-worth of million-dollar ideas. Thanks to my sister, Karissa who always assisted with her thoughts and opinions. Thank you to Phillip, who was a technical wizard and a great support. Thank you to Randy, my editor and constant support in this project, your patience and collaboration is a gift. Thank you to all my friends who gave me feedback on this book, you know who you are.