Siski Green - How to Blow Her Mind in Bed: The essential guide for any man who wants to satisfy his woman

Copyright 2008 by Siski Green
Cover and internal design 2008 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Kelly Letros
Cover photo iStockPhoto.com, JBryson

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First published in 2007 by Piatkus Books Ltd, London.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Green, Siski.

How to blow her mind in bed : the essential guide for any man who wants to satisfy his woman / Siski Green.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4022-1358-8 (alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-4022-1358-1 (alk. paper) 1. Sex instruction. I. Title.

HQ56.G68 2008

613.9'6082dc22

2008032076

Printed and bound in the United States of America
DR 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Josecito, te amo ms!

Thank you to my wonderful family for being supportive without being nosy; Graeme Gourlay, an inspirational editor and publisher, for giving me my first career break and giving me the confidence to keep moving forward; to Morgan Rees for encouraging me to write about sex and relationships and to always strive for perfection; to Jake at Conville and Walsh for his perseverance and support.

I learned a lot by reading some other fantastic sex books: Lou Paget's The Big O: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming, Dr Sadie Allison's Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure, Tracey Cox's Superhotsex, and Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden. I've also had some great advice from sex counselor Dr Pam Spurr, psychosexual therapist Vicki Ford, and Relate counselor Paula Hall. I'd also like to say thank you to Joe Mackie, Rob Kemp, Hecks, Nicky, Pip, Ray, Jo and Justin, Elain, Kirsten, Blommers, and anyone else I may have momentarily forgottenfor talking, listening, and just being there.

Please see www.siskigreen.com for more about me and to email any tips and techniques you'd like to share.

I view sex as I do eating: it's an essential part of my life, but I try hard not to take it for granted. And, like eating, I like to think about sex even when I'm not doing it. Just as I would consider the ingredients I'm going to cook with, which spices to add, and how I'll heat it up and serve it, I've spent a lot of time thinking about the different ways people can explore sex. What makes my thoughts about sex different, though, is that I get paid to put them on papersomething I can't claim for my enthusiastic home cooking.

Since I started writing about sex five years ago, I've had everyone from the plumber to family members telling me their sexual secrets and concerns. Sex, it seems, is something we've all got lots to say about, only we tend not to say it out loud. That's a shame because, like great recipes handed down from generation to generation, I think there are probably a lot of fantastic sexual tricks and techniques that we could all learn from (and if you'd like to share them, please feel free to email them anonymously to the address given on page xii).

So, based on what I've learned through my own experiences as well as hundreds of ideas and techniques I've learned from others, I've tried to provide an insight into what sex is like for a woman to give you an idea of what feels great, what she hates, and the things she wishes you'd do more of. I want you to finish this book feeling that you've got a better understanding of women, that you've learned exactly how to make her feel fantastic in bed, and, most importantly, that you're so charged up with new ideas that you just can't wait to try them out.

Remember, though, that in sex, just like in cooking, each chef has his or her own favorite ingredients, preferred techniques, and signature dish. This book, like a recipe book, is here to guide and advise youbut if you'd like to add a little more salt or a little less pepper, keep things boiling a little longer, or skip a particular recipe completely, please do so. There is only one absolute rule when it comes to phenomenal sex: there are no rules, just good advice. And that's what I hope to provide in this book.

Here's a fact that may surprise you: every day you pass atleast one beautiful woman who would consider getting naked with you. Open your eyes a little wider and you might just see her. And experts say that most women beautiful or otherwisedecide whether they'd like to get naked with you between 90 seconds and four minutes of meeting you. Yet, despite an ever-wider variety of ways to meet other singlesfrom matchmaking to Internet datingthere are now more single men and women than ever before. So what's going on?

Well, to begin with, you give off the wrong signals a lot of the time. And even when you've got that right, you lack the ability to read her subtle signals. Men are notoriously inept at reading non verbal cues from women, and in today's fast-paced society this ineptitude results in hundreds, if not thousands, of missed opportunities. In one study undertaken by the BBC, men were twice as likely to categorize facial expressions incorrectly when compared with women. And yet, when scientists assessed what women were checking out when they met a man, 55 percent of their first impression was based on body language, 38 percent on the tone and speed of your voice, and a paltry 7 percent on what you're actually saying! All the more reason to discover the surprisingly obvious ways women show their attraction to you and use it to your full advantage.

Your Silent Signals

See it as your shortest interview ever: you've got a few minutes to convince a woman you want the job and that she should consider you for the role of lover. Find out what she's thinking about your body, what you're wearing, and your posture.

Work your body

Believe it or not, a woman will try to size up what's in your underpants in the same way that you check out a woman's breasts or behind when you see her for the first time. To assess this, researchers making a program about sexual attraction filmed people walking down the street. As a woman passed a man, she would look at his face, then down between his legs, just as a man looked toward a woman's breasts and then her hips. Most women had no idea they did this.

What is she looking for? A reasonable-sized package of course! Size does matter; if it didn't, humans wouldn't have evolved to have larger penises than their ape relatives. Our cousins the chimps have penises half the size of a human's, and the poor gorilla has an average length of just 4cm (11/2 in). This would indicate that in prehistoric times human females had a preference for longer and bigger penises, and over time, the average penis size grew to be approximately 15cm (6in). So to make sure she knows you're adequate in the trouser departmentget a proper-fitting pair of jeans and give all the girls something to look at.

What if there's not much to show?