Dominic Knight - 2020 Dictionary: The definitive guide to the year the world turned to sh*t

First published in 2020

Copyright Dominic Knight 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act.

Images copyright as attributed, generally under a Creative Commons license

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eISBN 978 1 76106 079 3

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For everyone in my bubble, with thanks for putting up with me

DISCLAIMER

This book is about a terrible, awful, dreadful year, and attempts to make sense of its horrible, but occasionally quite amusing, impact on our lives and the wider world. Any humour is of the gallows variety, because if Covid-19 doesnt get us, the murder hornets will, or the flesh-eating bacteria, or the actual bubonic plague outbreakall of which featured this year and are defined herein.

In the unlikely event that it isnt obvious, nothing contained in this book constitutes medical advice, or is even sensible. No facts should be relied on, if you can find any, and certainly the authors judgement should not be. If anything seems unduly insensitive, the author apologises in advance, and agrees to follow the now-standard protocol for cancellation.

Please argue with the author at @domknight on Twitter, or just hack his account and use it to embezzle Bitcoin. Hes also at @dom_knight on Instagram, but warns you that he has followed zero of the trends covered in this book.

Alcoholism How we got through 2020 (decaturspirits.com)

Andrew, Prince His Royal Highness in a rare photograph next to someone age-appropriate (Secretary of Defense)

Aaargh Executive summary of this book.

Abattoir Slaughterhouses have consistently featured among the worst hotspots for Covid-19 the world over, probably because the design of abattoir production lines forces workers to stand in close proximity for long periods, in refrigerated rooms whose low temperatures are perfect for the transmission of viruses.

The close association that meat production seems to have with coronavirus clusters has given vegetarians yet another reason to be smug about going meat-free.

Abbott, Tony AC The former prime minister was awarded Australias top civilian honour in 2020, to the delight of his allies and bafflement of everyone else who remembers his time as PM. His signature border protection achievements were specifically cited, which would have gone some way to salve the intense disappointment he must have felt at not receiving a knighthood. Abbott was also cited for his contribution to Indigenous affairs, in keeping with the common perception that well-connected people can win an Order of Australia gong for doing very little.

In August, the UK government considered hiring Abbott as a trade envoy, which makes perfect sense from a country that has never had any experience of Tony Abbott attempting to conduct diplomacy.

Aboriginal artefacts Priceless relics of the worlds oldest living culture, often dating back tens of thousands of years. Aboriginal artefacts are valuable treasures that must be preserved for the benefit of the whole of humanityunless you are a mining company, in which case you can simply blow them up and hope the media doesnt find out. After all, the idea of paying respect to traditional owners is just a line for the annual report, rather than a legal obligation to consider their interests against those of your shareholders, right?

Above-the-belt officewear In a year when many workers were at home, speaking to colleagues via videoconferencing, we all dressed like newsreaderscarefully donning an elegant upper-body wardrobe above pyjama pants we had no reason to change out of. This was a wise strategy, as 2020 was a year best confronted in Ugg boots.

Adhanom Ghebreyesus, Dr Tedros Director-General of the World Health Organization (WHO) at the time that humanity needed and/or despised it most since its foundation in 1948. Hailing from Ethiopia, Adhanom has had a long and mostly successful career in public health, and is a well-respected and influential player in global health institutions, but none of his previous work experience sufficiently prepared him for the greatest challenge of his careermanaging Donald Trump.

Also, he was responsible for co-ordinating the global response to Covid-19. This task, which admittedly the WHO performed far from flawlessly, was made much harder when the US pulled funding from the organisation, right when it was confronting the greatest public health emergency in its history.

Aerosol Before the pandemic, most of us associated the word aerosol with spray cans of deodorant, insect repellent and the likebut it turns out CFCs arent the only harmful type of aerosols. After this delightful year, however, we now know that when we cough up droplets, we are also aerosolising the fluid in our respiratory system, along with any unpleasant, pandemic-causing viruses that might be lingering around. The fetid, potentially infectious material we cough up is also described as an aerosol, because as it turns out, we are all extremely gross just about all of the timemeaning that the germaphobes were right all along.

Aged care An oxymoron for many elderly people in 2020, as Covid-19 swept through facilities housing our societys most vulnerable people, in many cases due to inadequate safety protocols. Even those who were well looked after spent much of this year cut off from friends and families, making this the most difficult year in living memory in the sectorand those memories are long.

Aged Care Royal Commission During 20192020, a Royal Commission into Aged Care has looked at some of the extensive failings in the sector, including the challenges of managing the Covid-19 outbreak, and no doubt will release a long list of recommendationsthe fact that its interim report was named Neglect is an apt summary of the evidence that its heard thus far.

AHPPC The Australian Health Protection Principal Committee is the body consisting of the federal, state and territory Chief Medical Officers. Nobody had ever heard of it until Covid-19 made it the most important group in the country, responsible for providing expert advice on the restrictions necessary to keep us safe. Despite this, approximately 0 per cent of Australians are able to successfully identify what AHPPC stands forpotentially including some of its members.