Christie Matheson - Simply Charming: Compliments and Kindness for All Occasions

Simply Charming

Also by Christie Matheson

Green Chic: Saving the Earth in Style

Wine Mondays: Simple Wine Pairings with Seasonal Menus

(with Frank McClelland)

The Confetti Cakes Cookbook (with Elisa Strauss)

Confetti Cakes for Kids (with Elisa Strauss)

Tea Party (with Tracy Stern)

Simply Charming

COMPLIMENTS

& KINDNESS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

CHRISTIE MATHESON

Skyhorse Publishing

Copyright 2012 by Christie Matheson

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

ISBN: 978-1-61608-582-7

Printed in China

To my friend Meg Power

(I know you resist taking compliments, but this time you have no choice. You are fabulous and I adore you, lady!)

Everyone likes a compliment.

Abraham Lincoln

Contents

Acknowledgments

Enormous thanks to Stacey Glick, the best agent and a fantastic friend. Thanks to Ann Treistman for the idea and for being such an astute and stylish editor. Thanks also to LeAnna Weller Smith for the beautiful design, to production pros Abigail Gehring and Kathleen Go, to Skyhorse Publisher Tony Lyons, and to Skyhorse Associate Publisher Bill Wolfsthal.

And thank you to all those who were generous with their time and willing to share their compliment stories with me. You deserve the lovely compliments you told me about!

Introduction

Wow... NICE CATCH! Perhaps you suavely saved someones wineglass from crashing to the floor. Maybe you just won the game for your company softball team by diving for a fly ball. Or possibly your new significant others best friend is admiring what a hottie you are. Whatever inspired the compliment, chances are it made you feel fantastic.

As the American philosopher William James pointed out, The deepest principle in human nature is the desire to be appreciated. Thats just what a compliment does: lets someone know she is appreciated. And the desire to be valued never goes away.

Compliments are wonderful and powerful. They make us smile, can instantly transform our moods, and could turn a bad day (or week, or month) into a good one. The best compliments give us confidence and might even inspire us to greatness. Want to make someone feel cool, sexy, beautiful, smart, and successful? Give a compliment.

Nothing makes people so worthy of compliments as receiving them. One is more delightful for being told one is delightful.

Katherine Gerould

Compliments can strengthen friendships, romantic relationships and family ties, and improve work situations. In fact, they make any interaction a little bit sweeter.

Erasmus wrote that flattery, when it stems from ingenuous goodness of heart, is a powerful tool that raises downcast spirits, comforts the sad, rouses the apathetic, stirs up the solid, cheers the sick, restrains the headstrong, brings lovers together, and keeps them united. It also attracts children to pursue the study of letters, makes old men happy, and offers advice and counsel to princes. Whether or not you are advising any princes, remember that compliments make everyone more agreeable and likable to himself, and this is the main ingredient in happiness.

Thats a lot to accomplish with a few well-chosen and sincere words.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Mark Twain

Better still, compliments dont cost a thing. So lets start paying more of them.

How do you give compliments with grace and style? Like any skill worth having, it may take a little practice. But soon it will start to feel really natural. Though its not hard, following some basic guidelines can help you become a supremely skilled complimenter, and Ill help you navigate those rules here. Read on for encouragement, ideas, and tips for giving and receiving compliments. I think youll find that mastering the art of the compliment is well worth your time.

P.S. I could end the introduction with a cute little compliment about your looks or your style, but Im not going to do that. I cant see you right now, so would you believe me? What I do know, because you picked up this book, is that youre interested in learning more about compliments. And that means youre likely a caring and warm-hearted person who wants to make other people feel good.

Simply Charming

A Brief History of Compliments

SOME HISTORIANS BELIEVE that the practice of paying compliments and flattering others is a hallmark of the beginning of civilized society. In 1714 the philosopher Bernard Mandeville commented that the earliest politicians thoroughly examined all the strength and frailties of [human] nature, and, observing that none were either so savage as not to be charmed with praise, or so despicable as patiently to bear contempt, justly concluded that flattery must be the most powerful argument that could be used to human creatures... They extolled the excellency of our nature above other animals, and setting forth with unbounded praises the wonders of our sagacity and vastness of understanding, bestowed a thousand encomiums on the rationality of our souls, by the help of which we were capable of performing the most noble achievements.

Take those wild men sprung from rock s and treeswhat power brought them into a civilized society if not flattery?

Erasmus

History is filled with memorable and tangible examples of praise, from Roman monuments to Shakespeares son- nets. The Egyptian pyramids, for example, were built as enormous, long-lasting tributes to royalty. History itself was first written and recorded as an exercise in praise of world rulers. Literature, tooespecially poetrybegan to flourish in the form of flattery to wealthy patrons. And those patrons loved it. After all, simply having someone compliment you as brilliant is nice, but having a poet write you an ode for all to read is sublime.

Poets penning complimentary words to their lovers dates back to at least the twelfth century, and smitten wooers have been giving compliments to the objects of their affection ever since. Shakespeare is a great source of inspiration for loverly complimentshe came up with such doozies as Of the very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly at your service, and I would not wish any companion in the world but you.

Even when creatures cant speak, they give praise. Look at chimpanzees, our closest ancestors. Chimps and other animals groom one another and mimic one anothers actionsforms of flattery.

More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.

Robert Smith Surtees

True, some praise (and historic monuments, love sonnets, and poetry) goes well beyond the sphere of the simple compliment and morphs into serious sucking up. I dont suggest you go that far, but the enduring nature of flattery demonstrates just how much people like it. And as long as you keep it simple and sincere, its just a good compliment.