Jeff Billings - The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partners Past In 12 Steps

PREFACE

I never forget a face, but in your case Ill gladly make an exception.

Groucho Marx

I t was two a.m. and I was asleep in bed with my new girlfriend. Lets call her Emma. Her phone rang, waking us up. She didnt answer it. A few moments later it rang again. She ignored it. Finally, it vibrated with the arrival of a text message. She read it, and I asked who it was... And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my first mistake. Turns out that, yep youre way ahead of the game it was a former sex buddy casually wondering if she was free for more quality buddy time. Emma politely declined the request, but for some reason he found it strangely hard to take the hint and continued to pester her over the coming months.

Some extra spice was added to all this when a couple of other former lovers joined in by enquiring as to her buddy time availability. This, it seems, was due to her having only just returned to town after being absent for six months in France. And so began my descent into retroactive jealousy hell... A nagging unease, coupled with repetitive images of her with these other guys grew and grew. And the more I thought about itwho she used to have sex with, and how could I stop thinking about itthe worse it got. I tried everything, from trawling the internet for information, to talking to Emma about it, to making her delete these guys on Facebook, to writing each other love letters, but nothing seemed to work...

Chances are that youre going through a similar form of mind-bending, unfathomable pain caused by obsessively thinking about useless stuff that happened in your partners past that I went through. Maybe youve asked for help with your unwanted thoughts and been told: Just move on, Get over it, Their past has made them who they are, and so on.

As well-intentioned as these nuggets of wisdom are, theyre of little use to the sufferer of retroactive jealousy. Intellectually you know you theyre rightyou should just get over itbut how? Well, dont worry, this book will show you how.

In all the time I was plagued by retroactive jealousy and searching for the answer, something was working... My mind was taking on board a substantial amount of information as I searched for the answer, often by looking deep within myself. As time went on I began to realize that certain positive thoughts, concepts, and actions seriously helped to quell jealous feelings more than others, and herein lies the genesis of this book. I ended up focusing on several key concepts that really helped me to see my situation in a much clearer light. Within a couple of weeks these conceptscoupled with the daily practical exercises in steps nine to twelvehad eliminated my jealous thoughts.

Some time afterwards, I decided to write this book to help fellow sufferers of this debilitating and confusing condition regain control of their mind, and their life. Although I can say with confidence that my retroactive jealousy has now disappeared, let me stress that I have absolutely no qualifications or special skills to back up this book other than my direct experience. I am not a psychologist or a doctor. Im just a regular guy who has successfully squashed unwanted thoughts after a long and protracted struggle, and ultimately by myself. I wrote this book for you, because I want you to be able to rid yourself of these pointless, negative thoughts much quicker than I did, and finally be able to stop spending emotional energy on things that really dont matter.

Note: Ill be referring throughout the book to a Resources Toolkit which contains videos, books and blog posts you can check out for further information on whatever subject Im talking about.

You can find it online at:

www.retroactivejealousycrusher.com/resourcestoolkit/

INTRO

Im very sane about how crazy I am.

Carrie Fisher

I magine for a moment two ducks swimming in a lake. Everythings calm and peaceful. Then, one duck decides to attack the other duck. Theres a flapping of wings, splashing of water and maybe some squawking, but just as suddenly as the conflict began, its over. The two ducks swim away from each other like nothing happened. In this regard, people should be more like ducks. We should be able to brush off altercations, thoughts, emotions, etc. and just get on with our day without them ever bothering us again. But the majority of us find this extremely difficult. Whether its remaining angry about an argument for days, or ruminating on a grudge, or obsessing over our partners past, we humans love hanging on to things that we should probably just let go.

This is the aim of this book: to enable you to let go of the constant stream of anxious thoughts and emotions you currently have about your partners former love life. So, how do we do this? We do it in three parts...

PART I: UNDERSTANDING RJ

I believe its essential to understand fully what youre up against before you can tackle it, and the first four steps in the book address this head on. A major part of the problem with retroactive jealousy is confusion over what exactly it is you are tackling. Are these negative emotions and thoughts a product of anger? Fear? Not feeling special to your partner? Being judgmental about sex? Or all of the above? The mind feeds off the puzzle, and the confusing nature of what exactly it is youre feeling, makes it that much harder to combat. Its like trying to play pool while drunk, wearing a blindfold and holding the cue round the wrong way. Not that Ive ever tried that, but you get the picture.

In these steps, however, I detail the exact nature of retroactive jealousy and the two key emotions driving it, so youll know exactly what it is youre feeling and be better equipped to fight it.

PART II: REWIRING YOUR MIND

Once you know what retroactive jealousy is and whats causing it, Ill show you how to rewire the mind so you no longer have it. This section focuses on negating the two key emotions that are causing your retroactive jealousy. You will learn how to rewire the mind to rid it of the negative, limiting beliefs it currently has, and replace them with four new beliefs which will change how you think about yourself, your partner, sex, the past and the present. When these four new concepts have been taken on board, you will have the solid foundation necessary to tackle the practical exercises outlined in the final section.

PART III: LETS GET PRACTICAL

Changing the way you think about certain concepts is an essential step on the road to overcoming the affliction, but the mind will attempt to resist this at all costs, unless it is backed up by action. And thats where this final section comes in, as its only through action rather than mere thoughts that we can truly rewire the mind to do what we want it to do. So, in Part III, I detail four helpful, practical exercises you can do every day in order to kill your retroactive jealousy for good.