PREFACE
Over the last twenty-seven years, I have coached thousands of doctors on all aspects of success, from business, to wellness, to communication skills, to inter-and intra-personal issues. I have seen millionaires made and broken, and heard every imaginable miracle and tragedy. But there is one challenge that seems to transcend talent, attitude, money, skill, and social status, one that affects literally everyone, which few have addressed and fewer have resolved. Im talking about sex.
In my opinion, sex in our society is essentially broken. People like the idea of sex, and many wish for a good sex life. But due to cultural distortions and misinformationand for most people, an introduction into their sexuality that is uneven at best, and traumatically miserable at worstmany dont enjoy it, most dont understand it, and almost no one feels especially comfortable with or wellequipped for it.
Yet, a satisfying love life is available for pretty much anyone who wants one, as long as theres a willingness to look at sex in a new waynot as one thing that is nearly impossible to figure out, but rather, from one of nine separate worldviews. This means that you can get clarity from your vantage point, instead of trying to apply only generalities. It is in this set of patterns that is uniquely you that you can find the kind of satisfaction that leads to a well sexuality. Each type contributes something special to the loving formula, and each looks at lovemaking in a particular way. It is through understanding the distinctions of your particular type that sexual wholeness, indeed, sexual wellness, is available.
Knowing which of these Nine Types of Lovers best describes you, and which best describes someone with whom you wish to have an intimate relationship, can make the difference between ecstasy and painful, frustrating failure. These ideas are that potent.
So, let me welcome you to a new way of experiencing yourself through sex; not the strained and incomprehensible old way, but rather, a revealing, embracing, attractive, and exciting new waythrough the enneagram of sexuality. (Dont worry about this strange new word right now. It will be explained in detail later on.)
Before you begin to study this thrilling new material, please ask yourself two questions:
1. If there were no rules and I couldnt fail, what would my sex life be like?
2. Who would I have to be or become to have this sex life?
By the time you turn the last page of this book, you will have clear answers to these questions, and youll be well on your way toward fulfillment in your lovemaking, regardless of your current status in relationship, self-esteem, or personal experience. This work is for you to awaken your sexualitynot in a dirty or vulgar way, but as a celebration of life.
You can have great sex. You deserve it. Put a smile on your face -- youre about to enter the world of sexual wellness.
Dennis Perman DC
Copyright 2015 Sexual Wellness Press
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator at the address below.
Dennis Perman DC
Sexual Wellness Press
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You Can Have Great Sex!/Dr. Dennis Perman1st ed.
ISBN 978-0-9863977-6-9
eISBN 978-0-9863977-0-7
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
The key to true beauty is lots of water, great sex with Will Smith, and happiness. The key for me is Im vocal about getting my happiness. Sometimes if you just say what you need then someone will give it to you. Jada Pinkett Smith, Redbook , June 17, 2009
Most people want to have great sex just ask them, theyll tell you.
The problem is, no one ever taught us how to do so, and even more challenging, each of us has a different perspective on what great sex means.
Some lovers like traditional man/woman sex in typical positions at typical times, while others prefer multiple partners, same-sex experiences, doing it in a public place, talking on the phone, or sheep.
While this may seem odd to you, you may seem just as odd to them. And further, its almost impossible to know which type of lovemaking your partner likes until you find yourself in bed, either getting lucky with some successful screwing, or screwing it up.
Why isnt it easier, and how come no one has ever cracked the code of how to have more fun in bed and put it in understandable terms? This mystery is solved only when we begin to realize that each of us has a set of sexual patterns that is our definition of sexual fulfillment.
If you can tap into that formula for yourself, and recognize the patterns in sexuality that your partner (or partners) prefer, then the fog lifts. You can have the experiences you always wanted, and discover ecstasy in your own authentic way. Who you are determines how well what you do works, and its no different in your most intimate moments.
The purpose of this book is to show you your patterns of sexuality, your directions to ecstasy, to help you learn to read such patterns in yourself and/or someone else, and to create your optimal sexual experience. This is true whether you are alone, with your lover, or in whatever configuration you desire the end product is a life of sexual satisfaction, which I contend leads to a happier life overall. If you have more fun in bed, or wherever you want to make love, it relieves a multitude of other pressures, and helps you to face your other adversities with at least this one highly significant and rewarding piece of the puzzle in place.
Whereas most people grow up thinking there is only one kind of sex the kind they like it turns out that there are Nine Types of Lovers. This sounds more complicated than it actually is. Before you finish this book, youll be able to quickly assess and understand which type you are, and almost as quickly understand how to relate to each of the other types when the situation arises. The patterns are unmistakable once you know what to look for. Armed with these distinctions, you can make love in a way that truly satisfies you and your partner (or partners.)
This is the pathway to sexual wellness. Your search may be coming to fruition, but the fun has just begun.
What Most People Dont Know About Sex
We are trained from the time we are young that there is one kind of lover. We see it on TV, read about it in magazines, and hear about it in hushed whispers on the street corner while growing up. If we have interests, tastes, or curiosities that differ, we are expected to be quiet about it nice people just dont talk about that stuff. In fact, when we do, we are either ridiculed or ostracized, and that leads to the sexual repression that permeates even our freedom-oriented culture.
Parental input, however well-meaning, is often stilted and fearful, too uncomfortable for all but the most liberated adults to discuss freely with their children. Remember, your parents sexual awareness, icky as it may feel to consider such a phenomenon (you got here somehow, you know), was based on their own limitations and reference experiences. These are biases that are difficult to transcend, and without information like that presented in this book, it was at best a crapshoot. Inquisitive kids are punished for doing the wrong things without getting a clear and objective explanation, and that leads to the distortions and generalizations that have paralyzed most of us sexually.