Denene Millner - The Sistahs Rules: Secrets For Meeting, Getting, And Keeping A Good Black Man Not To Be Confused With The Rules

The Sistahs Rules Is All About You

Celebrate the Power of the Booty

Get a Life

Hook It Up, Girl!

Get That Wish List in Order

Get Out of His Wallet

Use Your Heart and Not Your Eyes

Use What You Got to Get What You Want

Go Get Him, Girl!

If He Gives You a Pager Number Instead of the Digits, Dump His Butt (And Other Recognizable Signals That Indicate You Need to Kick Him to the Curb)

If He Sends You Flowers Just Because, He Could Be a Keeper (And Other Recognizable Signals That Indicate Hes Your Potential Brother Mr. Right)

Call the Brother, Date the Brother

How to Work It on Your First Few Dates, Before You Get to Doing the Nasty

No Swerving on the First Date

Blow His Mind

The Way to a Mans Heart Is Through a Great Plate of Greens

Grab a Playbook and Learn Michael Jordans Moves

Dont Get All Worked Up Because He Forgot Your Birthday or Buys You Cheap Gifts

Shield Your Building from the Blaze

After You Get Your Swerve On, Leave Him

How to Determine Hes into You and Not Just the Nookie

Dont Compare Him to Your Last Man

Girlfriends Are Everything, but They Dont Know It All

Be His Homie

Get to Know His Mama, Get to Know Him

Dont Mention the M Word for at Least Twelve Months

Give Him the Option of Commitment

Give Him Three Months After He Commits to Tie Up Loose Ends

Make Your Past Relationships Official Black History

You Dont Wear a Cape, So Dont Try to Be Superwoman

Never Ask a Question You Dont Want the Answer To

Channel the Bitch Sessions, Keep a Man

Be His Lover, Not His Mother

Getting to Know His Mother and Sisters Goes a Long Way

Shack Up

Share the Household Responsibilities

Leave Her Man Alone

If He Wants Out or Hes Not Acting Right, Show Him the Door

So You Got Dissed, Huh? Get Over It!

Rules for High School Sistahs

Rules for College Sistahs

The Sistahs Rules Is All About You

The Rules?

Puh-leeze, girl. Any real black woman can tell you that when it comes to African-American men, the oft-celebrated Rules is about as good as a pile of Monopoly money in Macys.

Useless.

Try waiting for a brother to call you, when you rarely return his phone calls.

Try playing coy and mysterious with him on your first date.

Try sitting back and giving him all the power to make all the decisions in your relationship.

Youd be better off acquainting yourself with the Friday evening television lineup, because youll be spending an awful lot of time on the sofa in front of the TVremote in one hand, corn chips in the otherwasting quality weekend time with yourself, by yourself. No eligible black man would play the game by those rulesand you sistahs know this.

So a growing chorus of you continue to shout the same question from the rooftops: Where are the good black men and how can I get one?

Of course, lament over the shortage of good ones is universaland the popularity of The Rules proves the topic certainly stretches across all age, ethnic, and racial lines.

But nobody seems to have the knack for vocalizing loneliness better than us sistahsas witnessed by the Waiting to Exhale sistah-girlfriend clutches on black relationships, and the phenomenal sales of black relationship books.

The problem is that weve all too often held our potential mates up against the Knight in Shining Armor standards adopted by some of our white contemporariesa fantasy wish list thats sentencing us sistahs to the singles-only line.

I have to admit, its pretty difficult to hold black men to different standards, particularly when were constantly barraged with statistics that portray the endangered black male as more likely than not to be uneducated, unemployed, with a prison record and a history of either using or selling drugs, gay, married, dead, or otherwise socially unavailable.

And we cant ignore the growing numbers of upwardly mobile black men bypassing their female counterparts, only to take up with white onesor those who, recognizing theyre at the top of the most eligible bachelors list, are forsaking marriage for the swinging singles life.

Weve even got some brothers out there who say they can afford to be picky and playasthat is, date a host of women at the same timebecause societys taught them that their education, career title, salary, and 401(k) plan place them squarely in the in serious demand category. And theyll readily play the game, tooput on their running shoes to get to Nia if Roslyn doesnt give them what they want.

No, sisthe games may work on the other men, but not on our men.

Its enough to make us sistahswho always dreamed of sharing our lives with men who have just as much or more than we havepondering whether well be living out those white-picket-fence dreams without the dashing black prince in the shiny white Benz.

Were tired of chasing them, tired of trying to get them to notice us, tired of hearing our clocks ticking and nobody setting off the alarmjust tired, tired, tired.

Well, Im telling you that there are good black men out thereones who are ready, willing, and able to make you happy if you give them a chance and you work it just right. Its going to take a little bit more running, sistahbut this is for that good race, the one that will have him standing up and cheering you front row and center on your very own sideline. All you have to do is follow the Sistahs Rules.

Ill tell you how to spot out a good one and how to tell when hes a loser, where to meet him, how to approach him, and how to act on the first date. Ill clue you in on how to tell if he seriously likes you, when to sleep with him, and how to tell if he likes you or the sex.

Ill share with you all my secrets for capturing his heart.

Now, theres going to be some sistahs who think these rules are over the topthat theres no need to practice Rule # 5, in which I tell you to stop looking for men with money, or Rules # 15, 16 and 17, where I tell you to cook for him, learn about sports, and get over the fact that he didnt buy you a gift. Ive already had sistahs bending my ear, complaining that we black women are just too darn preoccupied with getting the ring and authors like me are spending entirely too much time telling women to bend over backward for those sorry-ass men.

Why do we continue to fill ourselves with this nonsense? one of my colleagues fumed when she heard about Sistahs Rules. When are we going to learn that we dont need men? And why cant a black man write a book about how to please us ?

Well, Ill tell you why. Relationships are important to us; we look forward to having companions and sharing the most intimate part of our lives with significant others. We want that stable relationshipthat forever stability like the kind my parents and in-laws have. We want to raise healthy kids in a safe environment with a loving mate. We want mennot in front of us, not behind us, but beside usto accompany us through this trip called life.

And we dont mind asking someone to help us find him.

Anyone who doesnt have one and claims she doesnt need one is either fooling herself or plain not interested in men.