Mindy Mitchell - Lube of Life: A Testament to Sex, Love and Happiness in the Boomer Age

MINDY:

Online Dating (One more try!)

Im angry. I never expected to be this person at this time in my life: alone and seeking someone via the Internet. Over the years, I have sporadically used online match sites and each time I gave up in frustration, most of the time with myself. Looking at how others see me makes me focus on how I see myself. It is a vicious loop of sadness, hope, frustration, embarrassment, grandiosity and feeling less than. Emotional whiplash at its finest.

My strong feelings surprise me and illuminate the fact that I may, indeed, have some issues (self-esteem leaps to mind) around this whole thing.

After 59+ years of being on this earth and two marriages, you would think I would be better equipped to find a lasting and loving connection with the opposite sex. Not so much.

Thinking about embarking on yet another quest for a committed relationship naturally brings to mind relationships of the past. I havent had many except for that spate of encounters in the 70s when I wasnt really attached to anyone in particular. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. Anyway.

Regarding online dating: for every success story there seems to be an endless litany of horror stories. It only makes sense when one is trying to find the proverbial partner in a haystack. If nothing else, this whole experiment in terror made me look at myself, my foibles and my hasty generalizations based on a strangers picture and their few written words.

After some thought, I decide upon ClarityNow as my online moniker. I hope this handle would attract a similar soul on a like-minded journey, even if I dont really know what that means. One thing is for certain, I need all the clarity I can get when it comes to this process of online dating.

Despite my misgivings, I was compelled to try one more time; so, I sign on for another 6-month stint. Strap me in. Shoot me now.

I put pen to paper, struggle to subdue my internal critic (lest I invite in someone with a similar critical bent), compose my profile, squinch my eyes, hit SEND, and hope for the best!

EDWARD:

Finally, I am taking my own advice! I went online to find the right woman for me; hopefully, the woman who would be at my side for the rest of my life.

I have liked girls for as long as I can remember. I guess I was five-years-old when I learned there was a physical difference between boys and girls. It didnt particularly mean anything to me at the time. When I was eight, I had a friend who was a girl and I enjoyed visiting with her as much as with my guy friends. When the guys accused me of having a girlfriend, I wasnt mature enough to own it and said no, but I knew inside that it was true. I was ten when my father finally clued me in to what the difference was good for. This knowledge was not in time to prevent me losing my fifth grade girlfriend to an older, more knowing fellow. She broke my heart. But I still liked the company of the ladies. In my teens, the accusation of having a girlfriend was met with a proud Heck, yeah! There was not always a girlfriend in my life, but if not, I had my eyes open and my ear to the ground.

One thing I decided was to not get married too young. So, I loved a few good women over some years. Not as many as I would have liked, but all in all, I am blessed.

When I met my future wife at age 31, I had known enough women to not feel like I had missed out on the variety and spice of life, and I was ready to commit. I was 33 when I got married and 35 when I became a father. I was with my wife for 22 years. The last eleven years had been a downward spiral of declining health for her. The doctors never did determine what her ailment was. She ultimately died of heart failure.

About a year after my wifes untimely death, I found a connection with the mom of one of my sons friends. From the beginning of our relationship, we discussed the fact that we lived very different lifestyles and were not sure how far we could/would go. That conversation was revisited about once a year. We shared an excellent five years and then she withdrew. That was a year ago.

So now, with 60 years of life and experience, I find myself without the company of one good special woman, and I am lonely.

While checking my e-mail one evening, I see an ad for a mature meeting site, and decide to go exploring. I wound up joining, paying my money, and start looking around. At first Im looking around the country, started literally the whole country, until l learn how to do a focused search. At the top of my wish list is proximity, a lady who lives close to me. Lets be practical. It really is counterproductive to find the perfect woman, only to discover that she lives too far away to become an integral part of my life.

I write my profile in one sitting and get most of the information I thought essential included. Its more of a philosophical, emotional, spiritual presentation. I list my interests, but dont really spell out what kind of woman Im looking for, other than of similar age and experience. I post a couple passable pictures to get started and add a few more shortly thereafter. I want to see what the ladies look like, physiques as well as smiles, and Im sure the interest is mutual. Lets make it easy on everyone and play an accurate game of show and tell emphasis on accurate. That concept seems to be mostly my silly little personal desire. Ive always preferred to undersell myself. Then, if I am mo betta than you expected, you would be pleasantly surprised instead of disappointed, as I was too often after meeting someone in person.