Rev. Jen - Chains, Whips, and Cuffs: A Beginners Guide to the Ecstasy and Pain of BDSM

Praise for
Chains, Whips, and Cuffs

Rev Jens BDSM 101 provides the helpful tips, witty insights, and important safety information that anyone new toor even just interested inBDSM needs to know. Its a great starter manual for anyone interested in moving from reading Fifty Shades of Grey to actually living it out. Lux Alptraum, editor of Fleshbot.com

Everything you need to know to know about BDSM and only the way Rev. Jen could tell it. Quirky, witty, intelligent, entertaining, and hilariously dirty. I had to flog myself several times while reading it. If you dont know what that is, you definitely need to read this book! Ruby LaRocca, actress and scream queen extraordinaire

If you want to know what to do with rope, clothespins, handcuffs, dirty words and much more, look no further than Reverend Jens helpful and humorous guide to the ins and outs of BDSM. Her tell-it-like-it-is advice is perfect for the curious kinky newcomer. Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor, Best Bondage Erotica 2013

Copyright 2017 by Rev. Jen (Jen Miller)
Previously published as BDSM 101 in 2013 by Skyhorse Publishing.

Illustrations 2013 by Brian Peterson

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Reverend Jen, 1972

BDSM 101 / Rev. Jen.

192 pages cm

ISBN: 9781510717527
Ebook ISBN: 9781510717534

1. Sexual dominance and submission. 2. Sadomasochism. 3. Bondage (Sexual behavior) I. Title. II. Title: BDSM one hundred one. III. Title: BDSM one hundred and one.

HQ79.R48 2013

306.775--dc23

2012046067

Cover design by Jane Sheppard

Printed in the United States of America

To Velocity, a glorious hellion

Table of Contents

What is BDSM?

(And how I unintentionally become a sexpert )

Remember when you were trying to memorize the colors of the rainbow and you learned the acronym ROYGBIV (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet)? BDSM is like the ROYGBIV of kinky sex. The term is a condensed acronym representing practices ranging from bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadomasochism or sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). The kinks falling under this umbrella term are manybondage, whipping, role-play, spanking, strap-on play, cock and ball torture, foot fetishism, hot wax play, blindfolds, and morea cavalcade of sexual practices as colorful as the rainbow!

Because you have picked up BDSM 101 , I am guessing you arent writing a dissertation on the topic nor are you reading this alongside your hog-tied, latex-clad personal slave. This book is intended for beginners, for those who are curious and want to discover what BDSM has to offer. Maybe you and your partner have been banging away in the missionary position for twenty years and just want to spice things up a bit. Maybe you are single and looking to get involved in BDSM. This book will provide you with a solid foundation for doing just that. This is not a book for people who are already submerged in the lifestyle, but for those who are curious.

If you think of BDSM as a foreign country that you desperately want to visit, but where you dont speak the language, this book will teach you a few words to get by. Consider this a crash course in the basics and me your nutty professor. Keep in mind I am not a licensed sexologist. Though my qualifications are manifold, they are based largely on my sense of adventure, my libidinous nature, and years of debauched fieldwork.

My own introduction to BDSM came through literature. As a teen, I was interested in any book deemed obscene; so naturally, I picked up a copy of Story of O , a tale of female submission. In it, a beautiful Parisian fashion photographer, O, is brought to a chteau by her lover Ren, where she is trained to serve a group of men. She is blindfolded, chained, whipped, branded, pierced, made to wear a mask, and taught to be constantly available for intercourse. It was a novel I read several times, always with one hand. Despite being a feminist, Os objectification turned me on, and a few years later, when I found a boyfriend and we experimented with blindfolds and rope bondage, I discovered why. Surrendering made me feel appreciated and beautiful, if only on the most superficial level. It was the ultimate narcissistic high. And like reading a book many considered filthy, the idea that I was doing something bad got me hot.

Still, my sex life remained fairly vanilla until shortly after graduating from art school when I found myself without rent money or marketable skills. Rolling pennies, writing, painting, and doing performance art in rundown art-holes was just not cutting it in terms of a financial plan. I needed a job fast or I would lose my rent-stabilized Manhattan apartment. Thats when my friend, Velocity Chyaldd, made a suggestion. Velocity was the front woman for a metal band who also did performance art wherein she simulated knifing her vagina onstage. She suggested I could make some money at the dungeon where she worked. A dungeon (sometimes called an S&M/fetish parlor) is a place where men and women (mostly men) pay hundreds of dollars so that dominatrices will dominate them. Sometimes the men and women (again, mostly men) pay hundreds of dollars so they can dominate submissives. Velocity thought Id make a great submissive. I was twenty-three, had a gamines body, loose morals, a writers curiosity, and an ass made for spankingaccording to her. Plus, I was intrigued.

Though I had no experience in the sex industry and very little experience with BDSM, I got the job, which I accepted without hesitation. Though the sex industry scared me, the thought of eviction scared me more. As a result, I spent the next few years working as a professional submissive, first at the dungeon and then for a woman with a masters degree in human sexuality who founded a company for counseling, erotic role-play, and video production for health-related services.

Finally, when I tired of both the dungeon and the counseling center (which was really just a dungeon that offered therapy) taking 50 percent of my profits, I began to do private sessions with another submissive named Annie at her Chelsea Hotel pad. We did all our sessions together and only with regulars. Plus, we kept 100 percent of the profits, which meant I worked about five total hours a week while devoting the rest of my time to making art and going nutspartying, drinking, and screwing an assortment of crazies. (I was in my early twenties, a time when its almost a crime against nature not to.)

But when all was said and done, I got a lot more material than I bargained for. Like O, I was blindfolded, whipped, humiliated, caned, and chained, but the difference was that O had submitted for love and I was doing it for money. It was a big difference. I occasionally reached unbelievable heights of sexual ecstasy, but I also spent a lot of time dealing with douche bags. Money changes everything, though not always for the best.