Brett McKay - The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man

Title page

The Art of Manliness

Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man

Brett and Kate McKay

HOW Books

Cincinnati, Ohio

www.howdesign.com

Copyright page

The Art of Manliness. Copyright 2009 by Brett and Kate McKay. Manufactured in the United States of America. All rights reserved. No other part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Published by HOW Books, an imprint of F+W Media, Inc., 4700 East Galbraith Road, Cincinnati, Ohio 45236. (800) 289-0963. First edition.

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eISBN 10: 1-4403-0891-8

eISBN 13: 978-1-4403-0891-8

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McKay, Brett.

The art of manliness : classic skills and manners for the modern man / by Brett and Kate McKay.

p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-60061-462-0 (pbk. : alk. paper)

1. Men--Identity. 2. Masculinity. 3. Sex role. I. McKay, Kate. II. Title.

HQ1090.M396 2009

155.332--dc22

2009008753

Edited by Amy Schell

Designed by Grace Ring

Illustrated by Josh Roflow

Cover illustration 2009 Jupiterimages

Production coordinated by Greg Nock

About the Authors

About the Authors

Brett McKay is a man. Kate McKay loves manly men. Together this husband and wife team reside in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and run the ArtofManliness.com, the manliest website on the Internet.

William Hurst and George Novak

Dedication

Dedication

To William Hurst and George Novak, members of the Greatest Generation and men who truly lived the art of manliness.

Roosevelt Quote

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

Contents

Dress Like a Gentleman Getting Fitted for a Suit How to Rock a Pocket Square Three Ways to Tie a Tie Bringing Back the Hat Attention to Details Groom Like a Gentleman Why Every Man Should Go to a Barbershop Shave Like Your Grandpa Behave Like a Gentleman How to Be the Perfect Party Guest Table Manners for Gentlemen The Dos and Donts of Conversation Mi Casa Es Su Casa: Showing True Hospitality How to Be the Perfect Houseguest The Art of Thank-You-Note Writing A Gentlemans Guide to Tipping Modern Technology and the New Rules of Etiquette

The History of Man Friendships Band of Brothers: Making and Keeping Strong Friendships Learn the Secret Handshake: Join a Fraternal Lodge How to Help a Friend With a Problem The Mechanics of the Man Hug Beyond G-Strings and Keg Stands: Throwing a Classy Bachelor Party Give a Best Man Speech That Wont Make People Cringe

Fight Like a Gentleman Break Down a Door Perform the Firemans Carry Save a Drowning Person Treat a Snakebite Be a Hero on the Road Mayday! Mayday! Land a Plane in an Emergency

The Art of Chivalry Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them Nice Guys Dont Have to Finish Last Give Flowers Like a Victorian Gentleman Break Up With a Woman Like a Gentleman How Do You Know When Shes the One? Stop Dragging Your Feet and Make a Commitment Asking for a Womans Hand in Marriage Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Take Care of a Pregnant Wife Deliver a Babyin a Pinch Change a Diaper Quiet a Crying Baby Balance Work and Family Raise Resilient Kids Teach Your Kid to Ride a Bike Entertain the Kids Have The Talk With Your Kids Give Your Son a Rite of Passage

Streamline Your Camping Trip Set Up Camp Man and Fire Five Ways to Start a Fire Without Matches Predict the Weather Like a Frontiersman Navigate Without a Compass Four Knots Every Man Should Know

Five Traits of Leadership Exude Magnetic Charisma How to Shake Hands Like a Man Prepare and Deliver a Dynamite Speech Give and Accept Criticism Without Coming Off Like a Cad

Franklins Quest for Moral Perfection Applying Franklins Pursuit of The Virtuous Life to Your Life Temperance Silence Order Resolution Frugality Industry Sincerity Justice Moderation Cleanliness Tranquillity Chastity Humility

Introduction

He is going to be known as a sort of boys hero. He is going to be known preeminently for his manliness. There is going to be a Roosevelt legend.

I have grieved most deeply at the death of your noble son. I have watched his conduct from the commencement of the war, and have pointed with pride to the patriotism, self-denial, and manliness of character he has exhibited.

After all, the greatest of Washingtons qualities was a rugged manliness which gave him the respect and confidence even of his enemies.

The quotes above are taken from nineteenth-century writings, and show the use of the word manliness in a way quite foreign to the modern reader: as a great compliment. In times past, manliness was a worthy and distinct characteristic, like intelligence, bravery and humor. It was a quality that boys strived to attain and men wished to have attached to their name.

A man who had mastered the art of manliness embodied many, if not all, of these manly characteristics:

Looks out for and is loyal to his friends and family.

Does the right thing, even when its not convenient.

Is proficient in the manly arts.

Treats women with respect and honor.

Serves and gives back to his community.

Sacrifices for the good of others.

Works hard and seldom complains.

Exhibits both great courage and tender compassion.

Has a confident swagger but isnt a pompous jerk.

Is witty without succumbing to sarcasm.

Embraces instead of shirks responsibility.

You probably have grandfathers who exemplify this kind of honorable manliness. But something happened in the last fifty years to cause these positive manly virtues and skills to disappear from the current generations of men. Fathers have ceased passing on the art of manliness to their sons, and our culture, nervous to assign any single set of virtues to one sex, has stripped the meaning of manliness of anything laudatory.

Discouraged from celebrating the positive aspects of manliness, society today focuses only on the stereotypical and negative aspects of manhood. Sadly manliness has come to be associated with the dithering dads of televisions sitcoms and commercials, the shallow action dudes of cinema who live to blow stuff up and the meatheads of mens magazines who covet six-pack abs above all else.

Our goal with this book is to hopefully encourage a new generation of men to pick up where their grandfathers left off in the history and legacy of manliness. Many people have argued that we need to reinvent what manliness means in the twenty-first century. Usually this means stripping manliness of its masculinity and replacing it with more sensitive feminine qualities. We argue that manliness doesnt need to be reinvented.