Amanda Lowe - Thinking Sexy: Unlocking the Secrets of Sensual Desire

When I was writing this book, I got a big sheet of card and on it wrote, Come and talk to me about sex. I took the card, set up a table and a few chairs in the busy city centre of Hull, got out my clipboard and went up to people saying, Im doing a survey

No thanks, they replied, as they walked away.

Its about sex, I added.

Tell me more, they would say, walking over to my table in the mid-day hustle and bustle to sit down and talk about sex to a complete stranger.

Theres something about sex that fascinates people. I spoke to all kinds of people young, old, sexually active, past it, not doing it yet, you name it. They all sat at my table. I spoke to men and women, but I must confess I did target women specifically. They were the ones I wanted to talk to, because this book is for women, looking at sex from a womans point of view, so it was important to know that I wasnt alone in my thoughts and theories.

One thing they all had in common was that, as soon as they started talking about sex, thinking about sex and accessing their feelings about sex, they smiled. Every single person walked away from my table feeling happy. It had nothing to do with the table or with me: it was because of their thoughts. I watched their faces grow rapturous and blissful as they spoke to me and thought about what sex meant to them. Even thinking about sex can change a persons internal state. It doesnt matter whether it is remembering an experience that happened years ago, fantasising or anticipating. Just thinking about sex can change the way you feel.

When I wrote this book I was tired of being bombarded by books, magazines and late-night television telling me that, to have good sex, I should do this, try that, buy this or look like that. Sex had somehow evolved to be all about positions, toys, endurance, experimentation and looking good. It seemed that normal people didnt have sex any more. So I went out and spoke to normal people about sex and discovered that I am normal. We normal people not only have sex, but we enjoy it, we think about it often and, no matter how good our sex lives may or may not be, we are always keen to find ways to improve.

As I didnt want to impose my thoughts and presuppositions on the people I questioned, I devised a set of questions that were very open and left plenty of room for individual interpretation. I wanted to survey all kinds of people, so the same questions had to translate across a broad cross-section of the population. Some of the interviews were conducted face to face, some via e-mail, some people were given the questions and wrote down the answers. This is what everyone started with:

This questionnaire is part of the research for my current book which looks at the thoughts and the reasoning behind sex, rather than positions, toys, experience etc.

I am questioning as many people as I can, to get a wide cross section of ages, occupations, experience etc. Please forward this questionnaire on to as many people as possible you can e-mail the answers to me and your answers will be kept anonymous.

Most of the questions are deliberately abstract I want you to add your own meanings to the questions. There are no right or wrong answers. (Only honest and dishonest ones!)

The Questions (take as much space as you need to answer the questions and thank you for your time and your honesty)

1 Sex is

2 What does sex do for you?

3 Does love play a part?

4 What do you want from sex?

5 Are you a saint or a sinner?

6 What do you believe about sex?

7 What is good sex?

8 I want to feel

9 I am

10 I want

11 I know

12 I sex, but

13 The best time for sex is

14 When I feel sexy, I

15 Im too

16 I need more

Age

Occupation

Are you currently in a relationship?

How long have you been in/out of a relationship?

Any other comments:

Many thanks, Amanda Lowe.

What you will read in the quotes scattered throughout the book are the responses from real women of all ages and backgrounds. Talking to these women has confirmed what I had long suspected: that we dont all have, want or need sex toys, bendy bodies, multiple orgasms or even sexual intercourse in order to enjoy sex. Our most erotic organ is our mind, and that is where it all originates. We all think about sex.

This book is not a sex manual. It takes you on a journey, exploring sex in a way that Ive never found in all the sex books Ive read. This book is about the desire, the essence, the zest of sex and where we experience it.

Its time to taste, savour and relish the power of your most erotic organ. Its time to prime your mind for sex.

Are you curious? Do you like to peep? If I told you that reading this book will change the way you think about sex, would you believe me, or would you have to read the whole book before you realised my outrageous claim was true? Flick through the book and have a peep, let your curiosity get the better of you, because in the following pages I am going to reveal all you need to know about sex. Im not talking about all the positions in the Kama Sutra or what to do to turn your lover on. Im talking about what goes on in your head, the thoughts you have that can turn your world around, thoughts that open the door to magical sexual ecstasy, or simply put a smile on your face on a cold, rainy day. In the course of the following chapters, I will explain how you can start thinking sexy, whenever you want, in any way you choose.

You may ask, who am I to impart this knowledge, to discuss this holiest of holy grails? Am I really the one with the answers? How have I found these answers? Am I a sex siren who has learned the ancient art of luring men by my dazzling good looks and winning charms? Maybe I have had a long and lurid past and speak with the bitter voice of experience. Or perhaps I am a virginal nun who knows nothing of the physical act of sex but much about the spiritual aspect. Maybe I am one of those angry, ardent feminists who think that all men are bastards and that all you really need to know about sex with a man is that its rubbish. Maybe Im one of those older, trustworthy women, someone like your mother, your aunt, your big sister, who will tell you that all you need to know is to make sure youre on the pill and make sure he wears a condom. Well, I could be a little bit of them all, and, just so you know more about the real me, I have condensed my life into the following paragraph.