Alexandra Penney - How To Make Love To A Man (safely): A new, intimate guide to sexy sex in the nineties

Copyright 1993 by Alexandra Penney

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by Carol Southern Books, 201 East 50th Street, New York, New York 10022. Member of the Crown Publishing Group.

Random House, Inc. New York, Toronto, London, Sydney, Auckland

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Penney, Alexandra.
How to make love to a man (safely) : a new, intimate guide to sexy sex in the nineties / Alexandra Penney with Susan Dooley.
1. Sex instruction for women. 2. Safe sex in AIDS prevention.
3. Sex (Psychology) 4. Hygiene, Sexual. I. Dooley, Susan.
II. Title.
HQ46.P46 1993
613.954dc20 93-46654

eISBN: 978-0-307-79942-5

v3.1

Although the title of this book is How to Make Love to a Man (Safely), the only totally safe way to avoid the risk of HIV, AIDS, or sexually transmitted diseases is abstinence. Few of us will elect this option, and so the aim of this book is to provide the latest information about the best ways to protect ourselves and stay healthy.

H es dark, intense, romantic, incredibly sexy, and hes fallen deeply in love with her. Shes blond, has no idea how beautiful she is, and she cant believe hes really interested in her. Theyve been playing cat and mouse since they met at work a few weeks earlier. Finally theyve been on their first date, and afterward they go back to her place.

Minutes later hes taking her into his arms, softly kissing her hair, her eyes, her lips, and leading her by the hand to the bed in her small studio apartment. His kisses are warm and searching and she finally lets herself go, lying on the bed, kicking off her shoes, unbuttoning her dress, kissing him back with all the passion he had been so certain was in her.

You have something? she asks.

You mean rubbers? he says, stopping a kiss. Talk about a mood changer.

Well, do you?

He doesnt.

She gets up and sits on the side of the bed.

What would that have looked like? he asks. It wouldve looked like I was planning to do it with you.

She tells him its okay, perhaps this scenario was not such a good idea anyway.

She gets up, straightens her dress, goes to the kitchenette, and pulls out some leftover meatloaf to slice up for sandwiches. Oh! Shes cut her finger and he quickly heads to the bathroom to find a Band-Aid. She repeats her doubts about him. Im a BLT sort of person, she says. And I think youre looking for someone a little more pheasant under glass.

Not responding, he locates a Band-Aid in the medicine chest, and, after carefully, tenderly cleaning her wound, wraps it around her finger. The atmosphere lightens as he confesses that hes older than he said he was. She admits fibbing about her age, too.

They hesitantly begin to kiss again.

She turns toward the living room, calling out, in the medicine cabinet. I didnt want you to get the wrong impression. He retrieves the condoms and, grinning, walks back to the bed, where shes flung off her dress and nestled under the covers. Shes holding out her arms to him and smiling

Frankie and Johnny, which stars Al Pacino and Michelle Pfeiffer, and in which this dialogue by Terrence McNally occurs, was the first film I saw where a man and woman faced the reality of Nineties sexsex with condoms. As I sat there in the darkened theater, I realized that the two stars were acting out the dilemma most couples face today. There is no longer room in the world for thoughtless passion or the kind of irresponsible sex that just happens.

The same week that I watched Pacino and Pfeiffer sparring and loving, I heard the news about Magic Johnson and how he had contracted AIDS through heterosexual sex. It was no longer something that happened to othersto homosexuals, or drug addicts, or people who had been given transfusions of infected blood. It could happen to any of us.

Ten years ago I wrote How to Make Love to a Man because nothing had been written on what men wanted physically and emotionally when it came to sex. Today, its clear that unless youre in a long-term monogamous relationship, making love to a man is going to involve several new elements: the condom and nonoxynol-9, and getting to know each other before going to bed.

I decided to write How to Make Love to a Man (Safely) for three reasons. The first is because I havent seen a book or an article that gives all the facts about sex in the age of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases without sounding like a physicians clinical take-home pamphlet.

Sex, I devoutly believe, is stilland will always besexy. Avoiding casual sex and using a condom properly should by no means take the pleasure out of one of the most gratifying activities known to humankind. I felt that a book that gave all the facts about safe, healthy sex could be a sexy book that was encouraging and helpful instead of making us fearful and uncomfortable.

The second reason that I wanted to write this book is that I wanted to report on some very exciting sex research. NEMOs, U spot orgasms, the CAT positionthese are some of the new and fascinating areas on making love that this book will cover.

Third, as editor of Self magazine for almost four years, I have been involved on a day-to-day basis with womens health concerns. Healthy sex is one of these issues and I believe that the information youll be reading here can help to save womensand menslives.

My friend and colleague Susan Dooley, a journalist and researcher who formerly wrote a column for the Washington Post, helped me with the research and writing of How to Make Love to a Man (Safely). Between us we interviewed over a hundred single and married men aged twenty to seventy-two. This is neither a sociological tract nor a scientific treatise but a practical guide with input from men from all parts of the country who represent all different economic, ethnic, and educational backgrounds.

We wanted to know what men think about sexual relationships now that we live under the cloud of AIDS. We wanted to know about condoms and lubricants, which ones are the best, how best to use them, how men prefer a woman to bring up the subject, if they want a woman to buy condoms and have them available, and what experiences men have had with safe, healthy sex that they thought might be valuable for women to know.

We also asked lots of other questions: what is sexy in a woman today, have women become more skillful in making love to a man over the past ten years, how many men have experienced multiple or non-ejaculatory orgasms, what is the best sex they ever had, how do they like to be touched, whether oral sex is still so important to them and how best to do it.