Daniela Granzotto - Woman to Woman: The Truth About Our Intimate Relationships: How We Love, Hurt and Triumph

WOMAN TO WOMAN

WOMAN TO WOMAN

THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS:
How We Love, Hurt And Triumph

by DANIELA GRANZOTTO, Psy.D
2012 Daniela Granzotto, Psy. D. All rights reserved.

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ISBN 978-1-61448-175-1 Paperback

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011943663

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To my parents, Clovis and Marilene, with love.

Acknowledgements

I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all of the women who shared their personal stories. Their willingness and openness to talk about their romantic experiences greatly enriched this book. To preserve their anonymity, I have altered their names and certain identifying details.

Special thanks to literary agent Kristina Holmes for believing in my work and guiding me in the right direction.

I am grateful to my children, Myla and Taj, for filling my heart with immense love. And to my husband, Andrew, who always found time to read my work and polish it along the way.

CONTENTS

Introduction

W e all have, in our core, a longing for love. When we develop a deep romantic connection, we experience a sense of comfort and belonging.

While most of us will bond with a partner at some point in our lives, not all of us will experience true love. A lasting and gratifying union is only possible when critical elements of a healthy relationship are present. Otherwise, deep disappointment is inevitable.

Dissatisfaction with romantic love is rather common among women. When they come to see me for therapy, some are discontent with their unhealthy relationships, while others are frustrated for not being able to find that special someone. Many claim to have lost a feeling of closeness with their significant other and are unsure of how to reconnect.

My inspiration in writing this book came from working with these women and understanding that while they are unique individuals, when it comes to love, they are not so different. All women experience joy, frustration and disappointment in their romantic lives. They share a strong desire to find love, but often times are unable to fulfill this most important area of their lives.

This book addresses major challenges women face in their relationships, such as the end of a marriage, infidelity and marital conflict. It examines the root causes of their difficulties and provides an intimate discussion on the key elements of a rewarding relationship. Fear of intimacy and commitment, ineffective communication, and inadequate self-esteem, are some of the areas that are examined in detail.

When I contemplated writing this book, I felt strongly about having women of different ages and marital status share about romantic love. My intention was to provide the reader an opportunity to relate to other womens experiences. In the end, the interviews shaped the content and chapters of the book.

Through the testimonials you will learn what makes a womans marriage a success, while others experience major disappointment. You will hear from women who are in unhealthy relationships and those who, despite major hurt, were able to rebuild their lives.

As you read their personal accounts, you may find that their stories resemble your own. While each womans love life has its own twists and turns, we all love, struggle and hurt in similar ways.

Dr. Daniela Granzotto

Married and Lonely

When a Relationship Lacks Emotional Intimacy

M en and woman share a longing for love, but differ in how they experience intimate relationships. Women look forward to the feeling of closeness with a partnertalking, exchanging affection, and spending time together is of utmost importance.

Women tend to place a great value on their relationships, which can be explained by the childhood role models and early messages they internalize while growing up. As girls, they learn the importance of being nurturing and attuned to other peoples feelings.

Men, on the other hand, are raised to value independence and self-reliance. They learn to bond through shared activities as opposed to talking and expressing feelings. Career and achievement are important to them.

Compared to women, men are not as in tune with their feelings and those of others. They also tend to have difficulty understanding emotions that are not openly verbalized. When it comes to intimate relationships, the level of closeness they expect is often not on par with that of women.

That is not to say that a man is any less capable of developing an emotional bond with the person he loves. Just like well adjusted women, emotionally healthy men welcome intimacy. They allow themselves to become close to their partners without fearing the loss of their own identity. Their relationships contain trust, respect, affection and open communication, which is what emotional intimacy is all about.

While emotional intimacy is the foundation of every lasting and satisfying union, it is certainly lacking in a great number of relationships. Why is this so?

Our early childhood experiences have a significant impact on our love lives. In other words, the view we internalized of ourselves and the emotional difficulties we experienced shape who we are and how we behave in our relationships.

As children, we turn to our caregivers for food, comfort, and love. If they are able to meet our needs, we develop a sense of trust and security. We feel their love for us and this in turn makes us feel worthy and secure in our lovability.