Rebecca St. James - What Is He Thinking??: What Guys Want Us to Know About Dating, Love, and Marriage

Copyright 2011 by Rebecca St. James

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First eBook Edition: September 2011

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ISBN: 978-1-4555-0651-4

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I dedicate this book to the guys Ive dated. Thanks for being used
by God in my life. And thanks for motivating long conversations
with my gal friends as we try to figure you guys out.
You have inspired this book!

God, I dedicate these pages to You. May You use this book
to encourage as I have been encouraged.

F irst of all, a massive thank-you to a guy who knows that without him this book would not be what it isand perhaps not be at all. You know who you are and I am exceedingly grateful for you.

To Julian, Jon, Shawn, Stein, Robbie, Nick, Garret, Nathan, Willie, Jeff, Brendon, Cale, Andrew, Justin, Bradley, and Brandon. You guys are a huge blessing and encouragement. Thanks for being open with me about this minefield of a topic and for being used to bless others through this book.

Thanks to Dad, Daniel, Ben, Joel, Luke, and Josh for being examples of godly men to me and for holding the standard high!

Thanks to all the married ones who let me use your words and advice in this book you are living legends.

Thanks to my BFF Karleen, to Vicky, Evie, Joel, Lila, Ash, and Jen; and to my mum, Helen, and sis, Libby, for letting me laugh and cry on your shoulders about boys.

To Andrea at Alive Communications for your incredible support and understanding when it came to this book, from that first lunch about it in San Diego!

Thank you to the wonderful team at FaithWords, especially Rolf! Thanks for listening to my idea during the hubbub at ICRS and for supporting me so beautifully throughout the years.

And more than anyone I want to thank my amazing husband (of just a few months!) Jacob. What a privilege it is to belong in marriage to you! I am over the moon that I get to be by your side as we travel this adventure called life together! Words cannot describe the joy it is to be your wife, your best friend, and your helpmate. Thank you for your cherishing loveyou are an amazing gift of God.

Jesus, thank You for being the author of love. Thank You for giving us language with which to connect and share our hearts. Guide us all as we pursue relationships that honor You. We are Yours.

I grew up in a home with five younger brothers, so I may have a head start on this topic of guys and what theyre thinking. Then again, when it comes to understanding guys in the romantic arena, sometimes I feel like I have absolutely no clue. Can you relate? If youre a Christ follower and have dated any guys, has it ever seemed as if you were navigating a minefield? Thats how dating for Christians can sometimes feel. It can be tough out there, and lots of questions are racing through our minds about our identity, about guys, about what God thinks of all this. How much should we pursue in a relationship, and how much should we wait to be pursued? What about Internet dating? Is it still possible in our culture today to maintain physical and mental purity? Are there any good guys left? If so, why havent they stepped up? When I started researching for this book, I was very excited about its premise. I would seek to find out what guys really think about dating, love, and marriage simply by asking them a few of my friends, at least.

Over a period of four months I conducted interviews with sixteen single guys, ages eighteen to thirty-five. Im extremely grateful to my friends for allowing themselves to be put on the hot seat. They all did an awesome job. I asked them to be open and honest, and they were. They said some things that we need to hear, girls.

Then I talked with eleven married men to get their take on some of the same questions I asked the single guys. And especially concerning all things that deal with married bliss. Is it still possible to find a mate today and live happily ever after? I desperately wanted to know what they think about that question and more from their perspectiveon the other side of the fence. I trust youll enjoy what they have to say as well.

I started with a list of about thirty single guys I know and respect, who hope to find a life partner someday. I was curious what insight they would give concerning what this generation of men thinks about dating and marriage, and how they relate to the single women in their lives who are waiting for Mr. Right. I was hoping for a combination of high-profile men and guys next door, so we could hear from a few different perspectives. I also wanted to include some words of wisdom from older men I admire and respectmentors who have been successfully married for yearspeople like my dad, a pastor I know, a former bandmate of mine, and taken men who are seeking after God. I wanted to give them the floor to say what theyd really like women to know.

Due to time and accessibility of all involved, I quickly learned that I had to limit the amount of interviews I would conduct. The questions I asked and the responses they gave have shaped the book that you hold in your hands. I prayed that God would direct me to the right guys to interview, and I believe that He did.

Im very pleased with the results. I hope that you will see these men (and those in your life who are seeking God) as brothers in Christ. I pray that God will take the words they have shared and help you apply the truths to your life in a way in which He sees fitaccording to His perfect plan.