Demartini - The heart of love : how to go beyond fantasy to find true relationship fulfillment

Other Hay House Titles by
Dr. John F. Demartini

The Breakthrough Experience:
A Revolutionary New Approach to Personal Transformation
Count Your Blessings:
The Healing Power of Gratitude and Love
How to Make One Hell of a Profit and Still Get to Heaven
The Riches Within (available March 2008)
You Can Have an Amazing Lifein Just 60 Days!

All of the above are available at your local bookstore,
or may be ordered by visiting:

Hay House USA: www.hayhouse.com
Hay House Australia: www.hayhouse.com.au
Hay House UK: www.hayhouse.co.uk
Hay House South Africa: www.hayhouse.co.za
Hay House India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Copyright 2007 by John F. Demartini

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Design: Nick C. Welch

The Demartini Method and The Breakthrough Experience are registered trademarks of Dr. John F. Demartini.

The people in the stories in this book are, in some cases, composites. In every case, names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Demartini, John F.

The heart of love: how to go beyond fantasy to find true relationship fulfillment / John F. Demartini.

p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-1-4019-1232-1 (tradepaper)

1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Love. 3. Mate selection. I. Title.

HQ801.D46 2007

306.734dc22

2006024681

ISBN: 978-1-4019-1232-1

10 09 08 07 7 6 5 4
1st edition, January 2007
4th edition, August 2007

Printed in the United States of America

CONTENTS

All paths lead to the same goal: to convey
to others what we are.
Pablo Neruda

W hen I first met Joe, he was attending one of my seminars in a large midwestern city in the United States. After the program ended, he told me that hed had such a realization and transformation that he wanted to send his wife, Adele, to me for a private consultation.

At the time, I was living in New York City, so Adele flew to the Big Apple, and we met in her hotel suite. I like to joke that we spent one magical day in a hotel room together, and when you hear the rest of the story, youll understand why Joe always chuckles with genuine appreciation.

Why had her husband thought it would be important for us to talk? Adele told me, Were not getting along, we have a lot of fights, and our relationship is on the edge.

I asked her a series of questions and took her through a number of processes, all of which youre going to read about in this book. I also helped her see how she could communicate more effectively with Joe, in terms of his values instead of just her own. I showed her how to see the world through his eyes and taught her ways that she could help him be receptive to doing the same for her.

Adele told me that she believed Joes highest valueswhat was most important to himwere work, money, cars, golf, and certain friends. She also revealed what meant the most to her (which certainly were special, but arent as crucial to this story). We spent the lions share of the day linking her values and his so that she could see that whatever he does actually helps her do what she loves, and vice versa. Near the end of our time together, we rehearsed dialogues where she communicated in the new way shed just learned, practicing conveying her values in terms of his so that hed feel more important and understood, without sacrificing what was truly significant to her.

After she left New York, Adele stopped at a sportinggoods store on her way back from the airport. As soon as she walked through the door of her home, she dropped her bags, ran to Joe, and threw her arms around him, telling him that she loved him and that shed picked up some golf balls, a golf shirt, and his favorite golf magazine for him.

She smiled at his surprise and announced: I noticed you had the big tournament coming up. And you know how every year you want to go, and every year I bitch at you because its always a weekend I wanted to spend with you and the kids?

Well, I realized that theres a big sale happening in London that same weekend this year. My mothers been talking with me about it, and I thought maybe the kids and I could all go there together. They could see their grandparents, we could save money on their school clothes, and I could bring back some really novel items for the house, too, that no one else has around here. Youd have a blast at the tournament, and Id have fun with the family and shoppingso thered be no bitching. I want you to have a good time golfing with your friends, honey.

As she kept talking with him about how theyd make new connections overseas that would help him in his profession, how shed save money, how they could enjoy test-driving some of those European cars he was curious about, and how hed play golf with his friends, all Joe could say was, Wow, sure. That sounds great! In the end, he gave her the credit card to book the flights, and then he sent me a thank-you note.

He wrote to me how different Adele was, how close theyd become, and how theyd reignited their intimacy. He expressed his gratitude for whatever you did with my wife.

That magical day in her hotel room, all I did was teach Adele how to speak in Joes language of love and show her how that would help her materialize what she wanted to have in her life, too.

This wasnt a unique situation. As I travel the world and speak with thousands of people each year, I see certain tendencies, particularly in the area of relationships. Whether Im conducting a small-scale seminar in Boston; addressing a huge crowd in Toronto; or chatting with people on a talk show in Johannesburg, South Africa, certain patterns emerge. Although cultural differences exist (such as the acceptance or rejection of such practices as polygamy), commonalities are more abundant; and they cross-pollinate all types of relationships: with family members, with coworkers, with romantic partners, with oneself, and even with the universe.