Sherry Argov - Why Men Love Bitches

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A New School: Who Is the Boss of You?

When a nice girl meets a man, its not uncommon for her to make concessions in her life that seem relatively insignificant. She stops doing the routine everyday things. She stops seeing friends. She stops going to a yoga class, and she stops playing tennis on weekends. She stops making time for the things she did when she was solo. Heres what she does do:

She cancels a hair appointment for a date with him.

She stops going to the gym after work to accommodate seeing him.

She stops spending time with friends to give him the feeling he is special.

She cancels plans because theres a chance that shell get a call from him.

She isnt focused at school she keeps checking to see if a message came from him.

She isnt focused at work she keeps checking her email to see if she received something in her inbox from him.

She gives up her career to further his career and support him.

She stops having dreams outside of her relationship because her only dream is him.

The bitch does not stop moving to her own rhythm. This, in and of itself, prevents her from becoming off-balance like a nice girl who abandons her routine.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #43

If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted,

youll create a void. Then, to replace what

you give up, youll start to expect and

need more from your partner.

A classic example is Theresa. She takes salsa dance classes two nights a week. When she met her last boyfriend, she stopped going to her dance classes because he didnt like to dance. She also played tennis, but he didnt play; so she stopped that hobby as well.

Seems harmless, right? Not really. Shes giving up what she likes. The reason the nice girl gives up these activities is also telling of her self-confidence. Often she gives up something because she fears he wont like her the way she is.

In addition, this cumulative reduction of activities eventually adds up to a significant change in who she is. At some point the man notices, and it turns him off because he realizesbefore she doesthat shes lost her independence.

What happens after shes lost her independence? Lets take a look at the state of the union with Theresa, the woman who gave up salsa classes and tennis. She said, We spent almost every night of the week together and fell into that pattern almost immediately. He didnt tell me it was too much for him. He just didnt smile much and it seemed like he wasnt happy anymore. I was becoming more insecure and I kept trying harder to be affectionate. I just wanted him to be like he was in the beginning.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #44

Most women are starving to receive

something from a man that they need to

give to themselves.

The nice girl thinks shes giving up something to get something better in return. She gives up control over her own life. When the time comes for her to get what she had expected, she winds up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, shes depleted.

A man rarely realizes just how much the nice girl gives up. He doesnt make the same sacrifices because shes adjusting her life to be with him. After she gives up everything in her life, she begins to demand the same of him. She wants him to stop seeing family and friends. She wants him to spend all of his free time with her. If he goes to the gym, she wants to accompany him.

He doesnt feel this pressure from a bitchier woman, so he wants to be around her more, not less, and he respects her because she appears to have a life. Suppose a woman says to a guy she cant go on a date with him that night because of her weekly pottery class. He scratches his head and thinks, Shed rather go to a pottery class than be with me? It not only attracts him; it blows his mind.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #45

A woman looks more secure in a mans eyes

when he cant pull her away from her life,

because she is content with her life.

When you love life with him or without him, that is when he will accept and value you for who you are.

WHO IS THE BOSS OF YOU?

When a relationship starts off at lightning speed, the man will at some point pull back to regain his need for space and then the woman will be left off-balance. Its then that the nice girl appears needy, trying to win back his affections. This is when she jumps through hoops. A man loses respect for a woman who needs his approval, particularly when she will overcompensate to get it.

A man needs to bring offerings. He needs to be on his toes a little bit. He has to make sure his shoes are tied, his pants are pulled up, and his manners are existent. When he opens car doors, when he minds his ps and qs, and when he shows his best manners, it means she has his respect. In this way, she remains a bit of a bitch in his eyes because he has to keep himself in check; he doesnt relax in terms of how he behaves around her.

ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #46

The second a woman works overtime to make

herself fit his criteria, she has lowered the

standard of that relationship.

As long as a woman stays in control of remaining who she is, he will need her. When a man thinks about a woman who has control over herself, he automatically thinks about her preferences and about ways to please her.

Women are much more likely to cancel plans. Men dont give up boys night out. Men dont give up their work, or their sleep, or their food. (Most dont even give up their mothers.) Likewise, they respect a woman who will hold onto what is important to her.