Masculinities, Sexualities and Love
It can be said that societies today know little of how gender, sexuality and love interconnect in dissimilar contexts, and how they are collectively shaped by social structures.
Underpinned by the theoretical writings of Michel Foucault, Masculinities, Sexualities and Love examines a range of empirical data, including interviews with gay and bisexual men, to understand the ways in which love is constructed and conceptualized. Clearly written, the book is grounded in personal narratives and intimate stories of love, hurt, pain and heartbreak, including the authors own experiences; and analysed using theoretical frameworks such as hegemonic masculinity, heteronormativity, and post-structuralism. Furthermore, the reader will also find insightful discourse analysis of popular films, such as Fifty Shades of Grey and The Girl on the Train, to examine the construction of love through film.
Forming a timely intervention, Masculinities, Sexualities and Love offers a fresh perspective on the sociology of love and will appeal to students and researchers interested in fields such as Gender and Sexuality Studies, Cultural Studies and Sociology.
Dr Aliraza Javaid is a gender and sexuality theorist and writer. He has a BSc (Hons) in Criminology, an MSc in Clinical Criminology, an MRes in Social Sciences, and a PhD in Sociology and Social Policy.
Routledge Research in Gender and Society
www.routledge.com/sociology/series/SE0271
63 Sexuality after War Rape
From Narrative to Embodied Research
Nena Monik
64 Bodies, Symbols and Organizational Practice
The Gendered Dynamics of Power
Edited by Agnes Bols, Stine Helena Bang Svendsen and Siri ysleb Srensen
65 Beyond Gender
An Advanced Introduction to Futures of Feminist and Sexuality Studies
Edited by Greta Olson, Mirjam Horn-Schott, Daniel Hartley and Leonie Schmidt
66 Girls, Aggression, and Intersectionality
Transforming the Discourse of Mean Girls in the United States
Edited by Krista Mcqueeney and Alicia A. Girgenti-Malone
67 Modern Motherhood and Womens Dual Identities
Rewriting the Sexual Contract
Petra Bueskens
68 Age, Gender and Sexuality through the Life Course
The Girl in Time
Susan Pickard
69 The Romani Womens Movement
Struggles and Debates in Central and Eastern Europe
Edited by Angla Kcz, Violetta Zentai, Jelena Jovanovi and Enik Vincze
70 Affective Inequalities in Intimate Relationships
Edited by Tuula Juvonen and Marjo Kolehmainen
71 Masculinities, Sexualities and Love
Aliraza Javaid
Masculinities, Sexualities and Love
Aliraza Javaid
First published 2019
by Routledge
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN
and by Routledge
711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017
Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business
2019 Aliraza Javaid
The right of Aliraza Javaid to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.
Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
A catalog record has been requested for this book
ISBN: 978-0-8153-8065-8 (hbk)
ISBN: 978-1-315-10025-8 (ebk)
This book represents my critical thinking of love, romance and intimacy, along with constructions of sexuality and masculinity. Through many life experiences, many of which I could not understand, this book enabled me to understand and re-interpret those experiences of pain, heartbreak, violence, exclusion, isolation, and darkness. I thank God for being there for me, through the darkness and through the light, and for always being so forgiving whenever I reconnect after a long praying hiatus. Praying when I am in my darkest moments gives me hope that I can overcome anything. Both literally in some cases and metaphorically in others, this book has taken me away from family and friends; although the memories haunt me, I am grateful that I can still hold onto some of the positive ones. I cherish those few moments that were filled with love. I also want to thank Jeffrey Weeks for his occasional words of wisdom; they might be occasional for him, but they are eternal for me. As someone who I look up to, profusely admire, and aim to be like, I am immensely grateful to you for your words, writings, and for changing the sexuality research landscape, making it possible for young scholars, like myself, to make the world a better place: this book is a stepping stone towards that. Ken Plummer once said to me that, Love is hiding around the corner. But meanwhile, it is just best to get on with life His words are what keep me going, knowing that love will eventually come out of its hiding place and find me. I thank him for his wonderful and optimistic words. I also want to thank James Messerschmidt for providing some really useful and important feedback on some other writings of mine; as someone whose work I grew up with, it is an honour to be able to have his recognition of my work and of my identity as a gender and sexuality scholar/writer. I must also thank Raewyn Connell for not only providing a beautiful endorsement to my first book, but also for inspiring me to become a gender scholar in the first place. She made me see the world in a different way, a way that allowed me to understand men and my own everyday life and experiences. Knowledge is something that money cannot buy. I thank her endlessly. While I am still waiting for love, I am learning to love myself because we have to be ok on our own before we can have a healthy relationship with another person. Love yourself. This is something that I am still learning, even after having completed this book!
I dedicate this book to the hundreds of thousands of people across the world who have their heart broken every single day due to the ways in which masculinities and sexualities are created and re-created, turning some men into violent men, turning some men into unloveable men. These men are men who hurt and bring about pain to many peoples lives. While they are many, there are also some men who love, who attempt to legitimate and reinforce egalitarian gender and sexuality relations. Those are the men who keep me believing in love.
I wake up in bed alone, every day. The silence in my room reminds me of the emptiness in my heart. As lonely as this bedroom feels, every day, I cannot seem to break out of its sheer loneliness. It alarmingly comforts me, it soothes me, it frightens me, it pains me, it kills me, and it bleeds me. My bedroom is not only lonely, but it is a place of confession, whereby I confess my heartbreaks, the pains of love. It is a room that witnesses my falling apart, crying on the floor, bleeding with tears. I fail at love again, again, and, unsurprisingly, again. My dreams and hopes of love fade away, crumbling right before me. It is as if fighting for love or for someone is simply unacknowledged; something I had worked so hard to build was being unacknowledged, ignored, or dismissed. My existence is made invisible. I no longer exist when he leaves. Something beautiful love was breaking, that I had once treasured close to my heart. The realization of love is omnipresent, realizing that I cannot attain it. In this room, I bleed tears for failing at love and for it failing me. The moment that I was born, love had no meaning; it simply was not born. What was born, instead, was I. This creature who had to grow up in this world, filled with inequalities, sexism, homophobia, racism, and violent and unlovable men: men who cannot or will not love; men who are evil, though remain unchallenging evil; and men who are violent, though remain unchallenging violence. Being surrounded by these men in my everyday life shaped my understanding of love, providing a platform in which I made sense of love, comprehending that men are never going to love me for they often embody stoicism and unemotionality. I become and am lonely, for love is out of reach; it stays at the periphery of what is obtainable. Love haunts me. It reminds me that I can never and will never obtain it, embody it, nor touch it. Love becomes an entity that is invisible, yet it is ubiquitous.
