Bernie Zilbergeld - The new male sexuality: The truth about men, sex, and pleasure

THE NEW MALE SEXUALITYREVISED EDITION

A Bantam Book
PUBLISHING HISTORY
Bantam hardcover edition published July 1992
Bantam paperback edition published June 1993
Bantam revised trade paperback edition / July 1999

All rights reserved.
Copyright 1992, 1999 by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D.
Charts copyright 1999 by John Buffum, Pharm. D., BCPP.

Book design by Tanya Prez-Rock

eBook ISBN: 978-0-307-80541-6
Trade Paperback ISBN: 978-0-553-38042-2

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. For information address: Bantam Books.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Zilbergeld, Bernie.
The new male sexuality / Bernie Zilbergeld.Rev. ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-553-38042-2
1. Sex instruction for men. 2. Sex role. 3. Masculinity.
I. Title.
HQ36.Z55 1999 99-12946
613.96081dc21 CIP

Published simultaneously in the United States and Canada

Bantam Books are published by Bantam Books, a division of Random House, Inc. Its trademark, consisting of the words Bantam Books and the portrayal of a rooster, is Registered in U.S. Patent and Trademark Office and in other countries. Marca Registrada. Bantam Books, 1540 Broadway, New York, New York 10036.

v3.1

The updated edition contains truly everything there is to know about male sexuality, absolutely up-to-date, written simply, clearly, and with humor.

Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., author of For Yourself and Going the Distance

A must for any woman who wants to better understand male sexuality, and any man who knows there is more to know. In his clear non-judgmental style, Bernie Zilbergeld delivers information and shared insights that will touch your heart, occasionally crack you up, and have you see the essence of men and their sexuality with fresh eyes.

L. Lou Paget, author of How To Be a Great Lover

Wonderfully comprehensive and helpful Presents an exciting new model of human sexuality.

Howard Ruppel, Jr., Ph.D., Executive Director, Society for the Scientific Study of Sex and Executive Director, American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists

This new and updated edition is a masterpiece. It shows a profound understanding of sexuality, intimacy and relationships. Dr. Zilbergeld has masterfully woven in the most current facts and findings.

Arnold A. Lazarus, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor of Psychology Emeritus, Rutgers University

Dr. Zilbergelds book contains information on all the new medical advances in treatment of sexual problems, plus excellent insights into the relationship and emotional issues involved. It will be very useful both to health professionals and to men and their partners seeking to help themselves.

Joseph LoPiccolo, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, University of Missouri, and author of Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women

A must-read The definitive guide to male sexuality!

Sandra Leiblum, Ph.D., Co-director, Sexual Counseling Service, Robert Wood Johnson Medical School

Bernie Zilbergelds Male Sexuality was a great, pioneering book, but in The New Male Sexuality he has definitely surpassed it.

Albert Ellis, Ph.D., President, Institute for Rational-Emotive Therapy

The best and most up-to-date resource for men who want to understand and enjoy their sexuality.

Richard C. Reznichek, M.D., Assistant Clinical Professor of Surgery/Urology, UCLA

This is an excellent self-help book and information source for men of all ages. It is a guide to breaking out of the old, restrictive model of male sexuality. It is a treatise for becoming a richer and more humane person.

Contemporary Psychology

The best practical guide Ive seen for anyonemale or female, young or old, coupled or singlewho wants better relationships and better sex.

Sandra L. Caron, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Family Relations/Human Sexuality, University of Maine

Bernie Zilbergeld has done it again. He has written another comprehensive and up-to-date book with a great combination of theoretical and practical knowledge. I recommend it highly for men seeking good information on sexual matters.

Ira D. Sharlip, M.D., Pan Pacific Urology, San Francisco Secretary, Society for the Study of Impotence, Inc.

For years, I have prescribed to The New Male Sexuality for my patients with sexual dysfunction and their partners, with fabulous feedback. Recently our understanding of erectile dysfunction and its treatment has evolved dramatically. Bernie Zilbergeld takes a great book and incorporates this new knowledge into an up-to-date guide that provides useful information for every man and woman, which will be relevant and beneficial well into the twenty-first century.

Ken Goldberg, M.D., founder and director of the Male Health Institute and author of When the Man You Love Wont Take Care of His Health

This book will be an aid for helping men and women get along better sexually and more sensitively. It dispels many harmful myths, it is a peaceful, and informed approach to very delicate subject matter. No man who wants to understand himself and his partner should be without this book.

John Gottman, Ph.D., Professor, University of Washington, and author of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

This book sets a new standard in popular books on male sexuality. Dr. Zilbergeld brings a lifetime of experience to bear on the subject, and has provided men of all ages a well-balanced, and completely up-to-date perspective on the topic. It is must-reading for anyone with questions or concerns about the subject.

Raymond C. Rosen, Ph.D., author of Sexuality in Modern Life and Patterns of Sexual Arousal

For Ian, with love

and the hope that the boys and girls of your generation
will grow up to enjoy a safer, saner, more loving,
and more fulfilling sexuality

Contents

Introduction

This book is for any man or woman who wants to know more about the sexual development, thoughts, feelings, behavior, and potential of men. Its for those in relationships and those not, those currently having sex with a partner and those who arent. Its for those who want information, those who want advice and exercises on how to make sex better, and those who want help in resolving sexual problems.