Tracy McMillan - Why Youre Not Married . . . Yet: The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve

Copyright 2013 by Eleven Thousand Lakes, Inc.
Q & A copyright 2013 by Eleven Thousand Lakes, Inc.

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

B ALLANTINE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

This work is based on Why Youre Not Married by Tracy McMillan, which appeared in The Huffington Post in February 2011.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

McMillan, Tracy.
Why youre not marriedyet : the straight talk you need to get the relationship you deserve / Tracy McMillan.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-345-53293-0
1. MarriagePsychological aspects. 2. Self-realization.
I. Title.
HQ734.M1816 2012
155.2dc23 2012009597

Cover design: Misa Erder
Author photograph: Piper Ferguson

www.ballantinebooks.com

v3.1_r1

AUTHORS NOTE

I have changed the names of women and men appearing in this book and altered identifying physical characteristics and biographical details. A small number of individuals described are composites.

Quiz
Or, 38 Reasons You Might Need This Book

Answer as honestly as you can. If youre not sure, tell yourself youre fine and skip to the next question.

True or False

1. Sometimes I wonder what the big deal is about being in a relationship anyway.

2. My favorite thing to do is to be right.

3. I really want to be loved for who I am.

4. Im at work so much, Ive thought about painting my cubicle.

5. Nice people bug the shit out of me.

6. I have more than two godchildren. (Add 1 point for each additional godchild.)

7. Looks dont really matter, unless a guy is poor or stupid.

8. I have an advanced degree in a subject where theres no job at the end.

9. Ive never cheated on anyone, everexcept for that one time.

10. As far as childbearing goes, my age falls somewhere between DGAF and OMFG.

11. Men fall in love through their woo-hoos.

12. I have snooped through a mans cell phone or computer.

13. I have forwarded myself emails or texts from a mans cell phone or computer. (Add 3 points.)

14. I have showed up unannounced at a mans place of business.

15. I sometimes wonder how they built the Great Wall of China with absolutely none of my input.

16. Ive been told Im needy. Which was bullshit.

17. I have broken up with someone by text message or voice mail.

18. I have looked at a mans picture on the Internet and seriously felt that I was going to marry him. (If you actually did marry him, add 10 points.)

19. Im pretty sure Im psychic.

20. If you add it all up, Ive been in therapy for more than five years.

21. I subscribe to Us Weekly. (In Touch, add 5 points. O, add 8 points.)

22. I have a behavior or habit that I swear I will stop doing as soon as my husband shows up.

23. Letting go is overrated. I like to hang on to things.

24. I like to date guys with better jobs, faces, or families than mine.

25. Sometimes I think Im fat/ugly/stupidbut I dont have low self-esteem.

26. My bookshelf is filled with self-help.

27. Ive read Twilight. (If you finished it, add 3 points. If you bought tickets for the movie ahead of time, add 7 points. If you camped out in line, add 23 points.)

28. Ive tried to do the Single Ladies dance at least once.

29. I find out a guys astrology sign within the first week.

30. I know what zabasearch.com is.

31. Ive sent a guy a cute email, text, or stuffed animal inside a coffee mugeven when, technically, we werent dating.

32. My dad was a liar, cheater, gambler, criminal, and/or meanie.

33. My mom was a drinker, depressive, rager, gorgeous, and/or extremely well dressed.

34. My siblings were better-looking, smarter, more athletic, and/or the type of people who like to lord shit over you.

35. The family dog was a humper or had other psychological problems.

36. I have names picked out for my children. (If its Bella or Edward, add 12 points.)

37. Im single and I cant figure out why.

38. Marriage is stupid. And men suck.

One point for each True answer, plus any extra points as indicated. Dont cheat.

But youll be pretty sure you already know everything in it. So read it really quick, then do your single best friend, sister, frenemy, or co-worker a favor and buy another copy for her. Tell her you totally think its bullshit, but it was just so stupid you had to give it to her. Suggest that when shes done reading it you guys can get together and laugh about how wrong it was. Cross your fingers that shell end up learning something anyway.

In the medical world, theres fine fine, and then theres fine-but-youre-going-to-have-to-take-care-of-that-thing fine. Youre the latter. Its not that youll never find a happy relationship if you dont figure out whats going on with you; its just that youll find it so much quicker if you do. And like a fungus, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. You just need to know exactly which type(s) of fungus youre dealing with. And by the time youre done reading this book, you will.

Your love life is like New Years Eve at the end of a really eaty, smoky, drinky year. You are exhausted. No ones denying you had some fun out there, but you are relieved the year is over so you can finally make some resolutions and get busy breaking them. For you, this book is like January 1a chance to start over, and this time do it right. And if youre worried about falling off the wagon, dont. Because what you will learn in this book is that you are the wagon.

You already know something in your love life isnt working. What you didnt know is that nothing in your love life is working. But dont despair. Working on it is going to be a lot easier and more enjoyable than what youre doing now, which is trying to stay in denial. That shit is hard.

ALL THROUGH YOUR TWENTIES, YOU WERE FINE working, shopping, getting drunk on the weekends, and having sex with your boyfriend (or whomever), not necessarily in that order. Then something happened. Another birthday, maybe. A breakup. Your best friends wedding. Suddenly there you were: walking down the aisle wearing something halfway decent from J. Crew that you would totally be able to repurpose with a cute pair of boots and a jean jacket. And as you made your way toward the altar, looking at a groom who wasnt yours (not that youd even want that particular groom), you found yourself, for the first time ever, having something