Gary John Bishop - Love Unfu*ked: Getting Your Relationship Sh!t Together

This book is dedicated to those who can no longer wait for the world to get its shit together and so must step up to the plate themselves. Welcome home.

Admit it.

You want one of those amazing, fulfilling, and profoundly connected relationships, the one youd read about, heard about, seen, or even dreamed of, dont you? Maybe like the one your parents had or your friend has or the one you saw on TV. Someone who gets you and you get them, and all is good in the world.

We all want that relationship. But heres a nice, healthy dose of oven-fresh reality for you:

You dont know shit about having an authentically great relationship.

Sit with that for a moment. Soak it up. Let yourself get smacked around by some logic for a bit here.

Why cant you have it?

Because youve been sold the ideal without ever being taught the hard truths about what it takes to have that kind of relationship. Were going to take a good, long look at those together.

Whether youre twenty or sixty, currently (happily/unhappily) married, or in a partnership, if youre dating or single, perhaps you feel youre unlucky in love, or youve become a radioactive Chuckydoll magnet or maybe youre so soured, so hurt by your past youve become as cold as a well-diggers ass (thanks, Tom Waits, and yes, that rhymes), lonely, suffocated, tired, or lost, I wrote this book for you.

We all know what we ultimately want out of a good relationship, but how do you get it? For most people, it comes down to a lifetime game of potluck, of hopefully finding the one; and even when/if you do, then theres the mystery of keeping the magic alive for long enough to justify your decades-long investment.

Given all of this, you might be jaded about relationships; hell, maybe youre swimming in them or scared to death of them or frustrated or desperate or whatever your story is about you, and love, and being connected with someonethis book is your pathway to something truly fucking great.

And yes, Im including those of you who feel like youre doing pretty damn great at it right now too. This book may well save you a whole bunch of future heartaches.

Ill be talking about a love relationship in the context of marriage here, but you dont need to be marriedor even in a relationship, for that matterto embrace this book and reinvent your story. Whenever I say married throughout these pages, insert your situation.

Oh yeah, and if youre about to get married, soak this book up with everything you got and make sure your partner-to-be does too. It will change everything.

But if you came to these pages looking for the solution to the problem of your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/bit on the side/top/bottom/partner/lover, you will not find it here. What you will find, at least initially, is the problem of you and how that plays out with your significant other. Its not about finding out who is to blame (like that ever solved anything) but rather uncovering all the flawed ways in which you operate. When youve worked your way through that little quagmire, well finally give you a real structure to start having a great relationship with another.

Relationships Are All Around Us

Be straight with yourself here. Which relationships are a bit of a sore spot in your life right now? Which one just came to mind when I asked the question? Yes, that one too. Theres something afoot in those situations that may not be obvious to you. Your entire life is a function of relationships. All of it. Your love life, your career, your hobbies, your pets, your finances, your successes. Its all relationships.

First, youve got your relationship with your parents, both in the past and in the present. And we all know how you relate to that one can fuck you up.

Then theres the relationship with your current or future spousehow you get along (or dont) will affect you daily for the next ten, twenty, or eighty years, from the moment you wake up in the morning until the moment you kiss (or sulk at) each other good night.

Then theres the relationship with your boss and your co-workers. Are they assholes? Are you an asshole back? Then dont hold your breath for that next promotion.

Theres the relationship with your best friend. Oh, the times youve spent together, the laughter, the tears. And then theres your not-so-best friend. And that distant acquaintance you sometimes cross paths with at the gym. What was their name again?

But it doesnt stop there. Theres your dentist. Your landlord. The heroic driver that delivers all that shit you order from Amazon.

Then therere the nonhumans. Your dog, your cat, your hamster. The neighbors dog, the bird thats always in the tree outside your window. You may not talk to themor at least they dont talk back. But you still have a relationship.

And your relationship network even extends to inanimate objects. You have a relationship with your car, your house, and even your favorite pair of shoes. Here were using the broader sense of the word relationship to indicate a connection between you and the object, place, or even idea.

Youre connected to the place where you grew up. Youre connected to your go-to comfort food. And many of us, youll probably agree, are a little too connected to our smartphones.

Your consciousness is a function of all you are conscious of, and you have some kind of relationship with everything you are conscious of.

Hell, you have a relationship with me right now, whether youre reading or listening to this. Youre thinking, Hey, I like this guy or maybe Ah, what a load of old shit.

Even the relationships we seem to lack are still forms of relationships. Youre still in a relationship with your ex, even if you havent talked to them in years. And if youre single, thats a relationship too. Youre related to your mate by your lack of a mate. Its a relationship defined by its absence.

Heres what you have to realize: every element of your life is so filled with relationships that the quality of those relationships dictates the quality of your life. How well theyre going is how well youre going, and your ability to empower yourself to be free or in charge of your own hooks and triggers in all of those situations will be key to your success.

And if your story insists youre not good at relationships, well, youre fucked. Its as simple as that.

So heres the coachingGet good. Quick.

What Were in For

Ive wanted to write a book about relationships for a very long time, but I knew the timing had to be right. Almost everything Ive written until now has been about getting you on some kind of positive trajectory in your life with a fundamental understanding of what makes you tick. If you havent read those other books, go read them. Theyre powerful and insightful and will put life power tools in your toolbox, not pencils and paper clips. It doesnt matter in which order you read them, by the way, just fucking read.

What if you could have a real-life blueprint for how your relationships can work in a fulfilling and clear way? What if we could simply cut through the haze of mystery and the clutter of your automatic thoughts and behaviors to put you in charge of how this goes?

Before we get to that, lets clear the air here with a brief summation of what we are NOT going to deal with when tackling this apparently tricky subject:

Will I be giving you tips on communication? Nope. Too surfacy. Youre basically trying to get tips on how to handle your own point of view. Shift your view, and communication will shift with it.

Perhaps youll get some insight into how you can change or cope with your partner? Nope. All about them. See above.