Kerika Fields - Hes Gone...Youre Back

T his book has been a long time coming and is a result of my many experiences, life lessons, and personal and professional trials and triumphs. It wasnt easy, but I made it through the darkness to the other side where there is light. I will never look back.

Thank you, God, for always being there and for never leaving me even when I was ready to cut out on myself. I am a witness to your power and glory. Please continue to bless me with your grace.

I am also thankful to all the men Ive loved before, for teaching me about myself, showing me my strengths and weaknesses, and forcing me to grow. I am especially thankful to You (and you know who you are) for loving me enough to let me go. I guess it was for the best after all.

But this book is not for you. This book is for my sisters Keina, Kidada, Adenike, Nairobi, Vici, Angela, Corliss, Damia, Helen, Jackie, Jewel, Jodi, Joyce, Lydia, Mekita, Nicole, Odette, Sheila, Tamika, Terrell, Hattie (both of you), and all of those who have laughed with me, cried with me, prayed with me, and grown with me. Come fly with me!

I would also like to thank my Sacred Sisters from the winter class of 2003. We are the ones who made it through the storm! I will never forget the experience and am forever grateful to Queen Afua for teaching me the truth and for showing me my seat (the challenge now is to stay on it, but at least I know its there).

Special shout-out to my She Shootin SistersAva, Delphine, Laylah, and Nsengafor keeping me focused and inspiring me to keep taking pictures, to continue to capture lifes fleeting moments, beautiful faces, and unique places.

I want to thank the women who had a hand in bringing this book forth: Gwendolyn Quinn of Mighty Quinn Management (you push my buttons, but you also keep me on my toes. I hate to admit it, but I need you); Candace Sandy and Dawn Marie Daniels of Souls of My Sisters (so glad you were clear enough to know a good thing when you saw it! Im talking about me and my book! Thank you for being believers); Kensington Publishing Corp.: Walter and Steven Zacharius, Laurie Parkin, Rakia Clark, and Kristine Noble. Thank you, Dr. Janeula Burt, for writing the afterword. Last but not least, Marie Brown, who saw my potential in the very beginning. Thank you for all of your advice and encouragement over the years.

Special thanks and blessings go to my daughter, the one and only Skye West, for tolerating my moods, making my teas, and giving me good hugs when I need them the most. You are growing beautifully, and I am so proud of the girl you are and the woman you are becoming. I pray that all your dreams come true and that you always love yourself first and foremost. I know that you will fall in love and experience heartache (its an inevitable part of life, baby), but I also know that you will surely survive thanks to your strength, courage, wisdom, and the words in this book. Use this tool whenever you get lost. You are my true target audience.

My Mama NatelegeI hope you know that I would not be as creative and conscious if you were not my mother. I am so grateful for you and your influence on me. I hope I make you proud.

My MarilynGod knew I needed more than one mother, so he gave me twothe other is you!

Aunt Addie, Aunt Bibi, Aunt Fannie, Aunt Amaka, and Aunt Aisha: You know I love you. You know I need you. Always have. Always will.

Grandma Marie, you never cease to amaze me. I will make every effort to be as strong, stylish, sassy, resilient, generous, and wise as you have been all of your life. You are our family jewel; you give us value and make all that we have been through togetherthe good and the bad, the births and the deathsstrengthening.

My brothers Akiyomi and Rajani for being shining examples that strong, smart, spiritual Black men do exist. Stay strong. We need you.

And in the end, as always, is my dear old dad, Rogers, who is there for me no matter what. I do appreciate you, even if I dont always show it. I hope you know this is only the beginning.

T HE O NE

M y mother always told my three sisters and me, Girls, Ill give you one! She was firm. She was straightforward. She was serious. Everybody gets their heart broken in life, she assured us, but after that first big one, you learn. After that, you know what youre getting yourself into when you fall in love. You know the chances you take for the love you make. She assured us shed always be there for us no matter what and no matter how many times we had our hearts broken. But she admitted shed only really sympathize with and support one: one disappointment, one devastation, one broken heart.

Well, for me there has been more than one heartbreak, bad boyfriend, painfully disappointing love relationship. But yes, just like my mother predicted, there was that one. The one who taught me the pleasure of love and the pain of loss. The one who grew me up and erased the childish fantasy that learning to love another and accepting the love of another is ever easy.

He had light brown eyes, hazel some would say, and a loud, booming, infectious laugh. He was five feet eleven inches tall, with a clear, almond-colored complexion.