Table of Contents
This book is dedicated to my good friend
Brie Austin,
for your help with this book and
for your terrific support in general.
I send BIG thanks to you for being there for me!
This book is also dedicated to my prayer
that as people get more enlightened,
there will be more acceptance and
appreciation for all of Gods children.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always, I must begin by thanking God for all of my bless ings. Without my strong belief in Him, I wouldnt be where I am today! My many blessings include all the people who were instrumental in bringing this book to fruition.
Thank you, June Clark, my agent at Peter Rubie Literary Agency, for your belief in me and for all your hard work on my behalf. Thank you to all the people at Health Communications, Inc., especially Michele Matrisciani, my editor, for your strong confidence in my book; Kim Weiss for your great instincts and support for the promotion of this book; Katheline St. Fort and Carol Rosenberg for your diligence and attention. And a special thanks to Peter Vegso, founder of Health Communications, Inc., for welcoming me so warmly into his wonderfully unique company. I appreciate all the support from everyone at HCI!
Its hard to find the right words to express my appreciation for the thirty-three guys who shared their advice with me for this book. Interviewing them was a joy! They sincerely wanted to help enlighten women about how to be more powerful and in control of themselves. And so, for their time and thoughtfulness, I say a great big THANKS to Michael Alvear, Michele Antiga, Kevin Aviance, Kyle Barton, Brian Belovitch, Kenny Bonavitacola, Travis D. Bone, Randall David Cook, Randy Dotinga, Michael Thomas Ford, Kevin Kelly, Fritz LaBoucane, Hedda Lettuce, Matthew Link, Michael Luongo, Dan Matthews, Michael McDerman, David Paul Miramontes, Michael Musto, Vinnie Petrarca, Yiannis Psaroudis, Ed Razzano, Andy Reynolds, Alex Romero, Kevin Scott, Patrick Sherman, Curt Smith, Jason Stuart, Carl Sullivan, Rick Trabucco, Keoni Udarbe, Glenn Wiehl, and Bob Witeck. Its been so much fun to write this book because of how special you are. I love you all!
Several people went out of their way to help me with this book. Thank you again, Randy Dotinga, for stepping up to put me in touch with many of these great guys when I first decided to write this book and for your continued support. Thank you again, Bob Witeck, for being such a sweetheart with your delightful, upbeat encouragement. Thank you, Mitchell Waters, for your strong support and friendship. Thank you, Rochelle Joseph, for sharing your gay friends with me and for your persistence at the final hour.
Big, big THANKS to my wonderfully supportive family. And thanks to my friends who supported me through my growing pains and education about men. Thank you, Ellen Penchansky, my best friend in the whole universe, for always cheering me on as I found my way to a happy life, with or without a man. Thank you, Julie Coulter, for your constant cheerful love and encouragement. Thank you, Nasrin Sahihi, for being such a good friend by e-mail from Tehran.
A special thanks to everyone at the Moonstruck Diner on Second Avenue and Fifty-eighth Street in New York Citywhere I regularly take my laptop out for a yummy meal and lots of coffee refills with terrific service from my special waitress, Hedia.
INTRODUCTION
Iused to be a jerk magnet. My need for a man kept the word selective out of my vocabulary. Happiness was also missing, but I was too busy coping to realize it. That was in my days of low self-esteem, lack of spirituality, and the strong belief that I was nothing without a man. I tolerated intolerable behavior, rather than risk losing my latest HIMwho I made larger than life, the tune to my dance, the center of my world, and my top priority. I waltzed for each jerk but cried when I was alone. They sucked me dry as I willingly acquiesced to their needs. Complaining to my girlfriends made it worse. They were as needy as me and encouraged doing things based on their own anger toward men, or a belief that we should stick it out with any available guy.
When desperation set in, I got a haircut. Sure, some women turn to their girlfriends for support when they have problems with men. Some turn to food. Some get the latest book on how to handle a man. When I used to feel out of control with guys, I got lots of haircuts. Then I would talk to Larry or David about my current guy and get the best advice. Compared to my girlfriends outlook, my best gay guy friends perspectives were priceless because while they were outside of the hetero dating scene, they were able to offer perspective into the male mind but keep the focus on MY well-being. They think like men but also deal with the frustrating male dating behavior and attitudes. Gay men see both sides of hetero dating, so they can offer helpful suggestions and real advice from the trenches. After getting straightened out by my gay hairdresser, I felt refreshed, enlightened, and more in control for a whilewith shorter hair.
My gay guy friends finally woke me about how to handle myself!
The most exhilarating feeling on Earth is to be in a win/win situation with guys! I win if Im with one who makes me happy. I win if I leave one who makes me unhappy, because I control my own happiness now and have a life to return to after a breakup. In my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise, I provide insight on how to put the importance of men into perspective, illustrated by interviews with everyday people. The response from women has been very positive, so I decided to take my advice a step further. For this book I turned to reliable sources that have always worked for me. Instead of interviewing straight women and men, I approached thirty-three smart, observant, and caring gay men to help me enlighten us even more.
Why gay guys? These insightful guys have an inside view and can give you the REAL picture because they interact with men the way we dobut still think the way straight men do on many levels. Gay guys were brought up with the same male stereotypes as straight ones and deal with a lot of the same issues and ways of handling situations. When a woman has a gay friend, hes usually the one she turns to for dating or relationship first aid. Dan, whose many girlfriends include Pamela Anderson, explains:
More than half of my friends are straight women. I always find a lot in common with them. Sometimes were after the same thing, but were not in competition. As a result, theres this wonderful camaraderie.
Gay guys also tend to be more realistic than our girlfriends are. They deal with our tears yet keep a practical perspective on a situation. And since gay guys date men, they have insight on that level, too. Gay guys see things in ways that women cant, and that straight guys arent evolved enough to recognize or dont want you to know. Most gay men hear the same yammering about straight men issues from their own girlfriends that I hear from my readers and have guided them to finding resolutions. They know our patterns and are straighter in addressing them. Implement their input to grow as a healthier woman and take control of YOU with men.
Many gay guys are straight chick magnets, with loads of female friends who cry on their shoulders and welcome the practical advice given. The wonderful characters on the long-running TV show
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