Nancy N. Rue - The Whole Guy Thing. What Every Girl Needs to Know about Crushes, Friendship, Relating, and Dating

T ake a minute to remember back when you were in, say, fourth grade. Maybe fifth.

Think recess.

The bell rang and the boys bolted out of the building already yelling about what, nobody knew and immediately got into an activity that involved throwing something or climbing on something or jumping from something or concocting something. Punching each other for no apparent reason was often part of that. If they stopped moving and started talking, it was either to plan the next throwing-climbing-jumping-concocting-punching thing, or to agree on how to get the most squealing out of the girls with their throwing-climbing-jumping-etc.

They were complete pains, but they were predictable. If a disagreement arose among them, they solved it with either a shove or a shout, and five minutes later (if it even took that long) they were back to throwing-climbing-jumping as if nothing ever happened.

And then there were you girls.

You strolled out of the building, sometimes arm in arm, already chattering, and you sorted yourselves out into groups. One group always formed a knot by the fence. Another gathered around the playground equipment that nobody played on anymore because that wasnt cool. (The swings and see-saw were now more like furniture.) Still another group hung out by the water fountain, because all the boys ended up needing a drink at some point after all that throwing-climbing-jumping-concocting and punching. And even though they could be little pains, there was something mildly fascinating about them to those few girls who could tolerate them for more than seven seconds.

Whether you made it your business to be around them or not, you most likely thought certain things about boys:

They HAVE to show off, as if people would forget theyre there if they dont. Like thats gonna happen

Theyre so gross! Whats with that disgusting noise they make with their hands in their armpits? And burping the Pledge of Allegiance? Really? Body sounds and fluids are that hilarious?

Its like making us scream is their career.

I want to stay away from them, which is pretty easy because, except for the making-me-scream part, they act like I have some weird disease they dont want to catch.

You probably complained most likely to your father, since he was a boy once that males were annoying, to which said father most likely told you they purposely bugged you because they liked you. You could not figure out the logic in that, but you didnt spend much time worrying about it, because you had more important things to concern yourself with. Like your BFF and the girl drama that was constantly taking place.

Yeah. You thought that was drama.

Sometime around sixth grade, give or take a year, stuff like this probably started showing up in your mind:

I want guys as friends, but Im too embarrassed to talk to most of them. If a guys good looking, that makes it even harder. I had a lot more guts with guys when I was little!

I find myself wondering who will ask me to dances and stuff, if anybody. Is that good or bad?

Im not allowed to date yet, but when I see all these happy couples together, I feel like people think no one wants to date me. Then I feel like a loser.

I really want a boyfriend. I just want a guy to hug me and protect me. I daydream about it a lot. For hours.

If I meet a guy and hes my age or a little older, I immediately start thinking about our wedding!

I want a guy to notice me. Thats all.

Im not making this up. Like all the girl quotes in italics youll find in this book, they come directly from girls on my teen blog In Real Life or girls who have emailed me privately. I have dozens like them in my file, with more coming in all the time. As soon as the tween girls graduate at thirteen from their blog (Tween You and Me), the whole subject comes up again: Should I be thinking about boys this much? Shouldnt I be concentrating more on God? If theres no point in dating until Im ready to get married, like my dad says, what am I supposed to do with all these feelings Im having now?

Seriously, wasnt it so much simpler when boys did their thing, you girls did yours, and you hardly had to talk to them if you didnt want to? (And who wanted to?) Sure, they might have picked at you knocked your pencil off your desk every time they passed, unzipped your backpack on the bus so when you stood up all your stuff fell out, laughed like a pack of hyenas when you gave the wrong answer in class. Now, you sort of want them to pick at you. You realize that what grown-ups told you when you were a kid was right: they do tease the girls they like. And you want to be liked.

It isnt that you didnt notice the attractive-factor in the male of the species before now. As a tween, you might have had a huge crush on the teen celebrity of the year (week, even day!). Maybe you had a thing for the young assistant soccer coach or that student teacher with the great dimples. Those were safe crushes, because the chances of ever meeting that media heartthrob were like a million to one, and no matter how much you daydreamed about the older guy you actually met, you knew he wasnt for you.

And then one day, as one of my bloggers put it, It seems like boys are finally growing up and you can totally picture yourself in a relationship with one of them. Nothing serious, but that desire for male company is definitely making itself known.

Maybe a guy in your own age group emerges from the pack of absurd little pests looking a little less absurd than the rest. And a little cuter. Okay, a lot cuter. He has a sense of humor that doesnt include bodily functions. He uses vocabulary of more than two syllables. He actually seems to notice that other people have feelings. He shines brighter, looms larger, goes deeper than any teen guy youve known so far. Every time you see him, you may do one of a number of embarrassing things: Blush. Stammer. Lose ten or eleven IQ points. Giggle like youre five years old. Or hightail it to the nearest safe place (i.e. a restroom) to do all of the above. The mere thought of the boy is enough to send you into cardiac arrest, and that thought is ever-present on your math worksheet, your computer screen, the insides of your eyelids. Youre not exactly obsessed, but you arent above making sure youre in the right place at the right time to catch a smile, a hi, orbe still my heart an actual conversation. If he accidentally touches you, you practically swoon like a character in a Jane Austen novel.

If you havent felt that way around a guy, chances are youre waiting for that moment to happen. If you picked this book up on your own (as in, nobody made it required reading for you and you havent stopped rolling your eyes since), I guarantee the above will occur at some point. You may be twenty-five before your heart hammers for someone of the male persuasion. I know women who didnt have their first crush until they were in their forties. The point is, there is nothing more normal than for you to feel drawn to a guy and crush big time. Its not even silly, though some adults who want you to put off matters of the heart for as long as possible might tell you that it is. No, this probably isnt the man youre going to spend the rest of your life with, although stranger things have happened. But for right now, it feels very real.