Jess McCann - Was It Something I Said?: The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas

Also by Jess McCann

You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to I Do - Secret Strategies from One of Americas Top Dating Coaches

Was It

Something

I Said?

THE ANSWER TO ALL

YOUR DATING DILEMMAS

Jess McCann

Guilford, Connecticut

An imprint of Globe Pequot Press

skirt! is an attitude... spirited, independent, outspoken, serious,
playful and irreverent, sometimes controversial, always passionate.

Copyright 2013 by Jess McCann

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Globe Pequot Press, Attn: Rights and Permissions Department, PO Box 480, Guilford, CT 06437.

skirt! is a registered trademark of Morris Publishing Group, LLC, and is used with express permission.

Project editor: Meredith Dias

Text Design: Sheryl P. Kober

Layout artist: Maggie Peterson

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

McCann, Jess.

Was it something I said? : the answer to all your dating dilemmas /

Jess McCann.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-7627-8209-3

1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Man-woman relationships. 3. Single

womenPsychology. I. Title.

HQ801.M4848 2013

306.7dc23

E-ISBN 978-0-7627-0000-0

To my husband, Erik,

I hope every woman finds a man as
wonderful as you.

Introduction

IN LOVE AND TOUNGE-TIED

I had just cuddled up on the couch with a good book when my phone rang on a Tuesday night. It was one of my clients, Charlotte, who was supposed to be out on a first date.

Charlotte, what happened? Why arent you on your date? I asked.

I could barely hear Charlottes reply as she whispered, I am on my date. Im calling you from the bathroom!

I sat up on the couch and put down my book. Was the date that bad? Did she need me to rescue her?

Is everything okay? Is it not going well? I asked.

No, thats not it. Its going extremely well! I like him a lot. Were having a great time, she assured me.

Thats great, I said. So why are you in the bathroom calling me and not out there having dinner?

I dont want to screw this up, Charlotte declared. I really like him, and Im afraid Im going to say or do something wrong, she said in a panic.

Just relax, I told her. Youll be fine. Youre ready to meet someone grea, and youre not going to screw this up.

Charlotte breathed a bit easier. Thanks. I needed to hear that. But I do have one question for you, and its the reason Im calling.

Sure, what is it? I asked.

He asked me if I was dating anyone else, and Im not sure what to say. This is a first date, so wouldnt it be okay if I said I was dating other people? I dont want him to think I have trouble getting dates. At the same time, if I say Im seeing someone he may take that as me allowing him to do the same, and I dont want him going out with other women. I know I may be reading too much into this, but I dont want to say the wrong thing and ruin my chances with the best guy Ive met in a long time!

Charlotte was talking so fast I could hardly keep up with her.

Just take a deep breath, Charlotte. If he asks you if youre seeing anyone else, smile at him and just say, not exclusively, I advised. You dont have to dive into any details. Just keep it short and simple.

Not exclusively! Thats perfect. Thank you, Jess! she said, relieved. I am so thankful you answered your phone. I will say just that. Not exclusively. Thank you, again, Charlotte said. And with that she hung up the phone and hurried back to her date.

That was around seven-thirty. At quarter to ten, my phone rang again.

Charlotte? I said.

Jess! Oh, thank you for answering again. Im sorry for calling, but I have another question, she stammered.

Okay, I said. Are you still on your date? She didnt sound like she was in the bathroom this time.

Yes, Im still with him. Hes bringing the car around. He asked me if I wanted to go to a movie with him tomorrow. I know I should say no because, as youve said, I need to build anticipation. So how do I turn him down but still let him know I want to go out with him again? What should I say? she asked in a hurry.

Tell him you would love to go to a movie, but tomorrow you have plans. Dont specify what they are. Then ask if there is another day that works, I told her.

Thank you again, Jess! I didnt know what to say exactly. Thats perfect though. Have a great night, and I will talk to you soon. Charlotte hung up quickly.

She called two more times after that.

If we havent met before, my name is Jess McCann and Im a dating coach. Women from all over the world contact me to discuss their love lives. I started this business several years ago when I had a remarkable awakening about dating, an awakening that changed me from a desperately seeking single girl to a happily married woman, and that inspired me to open my own coaching practice. You see, for most of my life, I didnt understand men and had trouble with relationships myself. I had a library of sob storiesfrom being dumped over e-mail to being stood up on my birthday. Then something miraculous happened that changed dating for the rest of my life. It all started when I landed my first job.

It wasnt just any job. It was a job in door-to-door sales, the lowest form of peddling you can imagine. At the time, I was twenty-two years old and at rock bottom of both my personal and professional life. My very recent ex-boyfriend had a new girlfriend, and as luck would have it, I ran into them everywhere. Besides being depressed and self-conscious, I was working on straight commission, which meant I was almost always broke. I thought life would never turn around for me. I swore I was doomed to wander the planet alone and dirt poor. I had no idea that just a few years later, life would change dramatically and lead me to a greater love than I ever imagined.

To escape my problems at the time, I threw myself into work and decided to start my own sales company. As I trained my four-person sales staff to go door-to-door pitching products, I began to rebuild my own shattered self-confidence. With each deal I closed, I strengthened my people skills. I learned how to relate to my buyers and ultimately win them over. My sales team quickly expanded, and within months we became one of the top producing businesses of our kind.

It was during this time that I had my awakening.

One night after work, I was set up on a date. As I sat there chatting with the guy over some shared calamari, I found myself more confident and self-assured than I had ever been before. In a sudden aha moment, I realized that all my job training had not only helped me become a better salesperson, it had helped me become a better, more confident version of myself. Every customer call had taught me how to build a rapport with someone. I had essentially learned the fundamental dos and donts of relationship building hands on. I knew how to get people interested in what I had to say; I knew how to keep them interested and secure a commitment. It never dawned on me that the skills I had learned would benefit my personal life, but that is just what happened. I no longer felt confused or anxious around men. I had unknowingly and unintentionally learned to handle romantic relationships through my business. The dark cloud had finally lifted, and for the first time in my life I felt in control of my destiny.