Ben Schwartz - Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot
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- Book:Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot
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- Year:2017
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For single millennials, this situation is all too familiar: Youre on a date. Its going well! Then suddenly your date looks at you like youre a f*cking idiot and you never hear from that person again. Guess youre going to die alone, right? Maybe not! Humble authors Ben Schwartz and Laura Moses have written a book to save the future of the human race: Things You Should Already Know About Dating, You F*cking Idiot, a collection of 100 dating tips--complete with illustrations--that teaches clueless guys and girls the dos and donts of dating. In their book, Ben and Laura cover all the basics, from Why are you texting in just Emojis, dummy?! to Stop playing games, idiot! and, of course, PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN, A**HOLE! Simply put, this book will make you laugh and finally give you a fighting chance at not dying alone.
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Thank you for your support of the authors rights. Hachette Books Hachette Book Group 1290 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10104 hachettebooks.com twitter.com/hachettebooks First Edition: October 2017 Hachette Books is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The Hachette Books name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc. The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher. The Hachette Speakers Bureau provides a wide range of authors for speaking events. To find out more, go to www.hachettespeakersbureau.com or call (866) 376-6591.
LCCN: 2017936870 ISBNs: 978-0-316-46532-8 (trade paperback), 978-0-316-43500-0 (ebook) E3-20170829-JV-NF
So its not a shock you didnt know that youre supposed to WALK YOUR DATE TO THEIR CAR, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Sure, youre doing great electronicallyyour text game is on point and your Twitter feed is fire, but we will teach you how to be a considerate human being on a date in REAL LIFE. This book contains one hundred simple tips to guide you through hypothetical dating scenarios. Each tip is paired with a discussion between two people to show you how awesome it is when you take our adviceand how shitty it is when you dont. In case words arent your thing, youll also find an adorable illustration next to each tip to make the yucky process of fixing your romantic life a little more whimsical! So do yourself a favor and read this book immediately, and maybe the next time you show up to a date youll have a fighting chance at not dying alone.
You need to go on a date with a real-life human being of substance. But where do you start? How do you ask someone out? What do you wear? Will there be snacks? Take a deep breath we are about to break it down for you.
Girl: Asking me out over text is rude! Calling feels special. Guy: But if I call you, we would have to talk. Girl: What do you think were going to do on the date? Guy: This is moving too fast.
Am I coming over to watch cat videos or am I coming over to plow? Guy: Wow ummm both?
Girl: I dont want to go out with you. Guy: But what if I ask you out? Girl: Woof
Girl: I thought I heard Guy: FORTY. BUCKS. For a first date, start small and meet for a drink. Guy: We can always upgrade from a drink to a meal if its going well. Girl: And if the meal goes well? Guy: Upgrade to dessert and more drinks! Girl: And if that goes well? Guy: Meet my parents and lock it up! Girl: Really? Guy: No, you fucking idiot.
You might as wellit doesnt cost any money.
Dont be late. Guys text: Im gonna be fifteen minutes late. Girls text: Every minute youre late, I will be on a dating app texting someone else. Guys text: Be there in two.
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