Colleen Hoover - Losing Hope

My heart rate is signaling for me to just walk away. Les has reminded me more than once that its not my business. Shes never been a brother before, though. She has no idea how hard it is to sit back and not let it be my business. Thats why, right now, this son-of-a-bitch is my number-one priority.

I slide my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and hope to hell I can keep them there. Im standing behind the couch, looking down at him. I dont know how long itll take him to notice Im here. Considering the grip he has on the chick straddling his lap, I doubt hell notice for a while. I remain behind them for several minutes while the party continues around us, everyone completely unaware that Im a fraction away from losing my mind. I would take out my phone so that Id have evidence, but I couldnt do that to Les. She doesnt need a visual.

Hey, I finally say, unable to contain my silence a second longer. If I have to watch him palm this chicks breast one more time without a single ounce of respect for his relationship with Les, Ill rip his fucking hand off.

Grayson tears his mouth away from hers and tilts his head back, looking up at me with glossed-over eyes. I can see the fear settle in when it clickswhen he finally realizes that the last person he thought would be here tonight actually showed up.

Holder, he says, pushing the girl off his lap. He struggles to his feet but can hardly stand up straight. He looks at me pleadingly, pointing at the girl, whos now adjusting her barely-there skirt. This isnt . . . its not what it looks like.

I slide my hands out of my back pockets and fold my arms across my chest. My fist is closer to him now and I have to clench it, knowing how good it would feel to punch his face in.

I look down to the floor and inhale a breath. Then another. And one more just for show, since Im really enjoying watching him squirm. I shake my head and raise my eyes back to his. Give me your phone.

The confusion on his face would be comical if I werent so pissed. He laughs and attempts to back up a step, but bumps into the coffee table. He catches himself by pressing his hand onto the glass and straightens back up. Get your own fucking phone, he mumbles. He doesnt look back at me as he maneuvers his way around the coffee table. I calmly walk around the couch and intercept him, holding out my hand.

Give me your phone, Grayson. Now.

Im not really at an advantage sizewise, since were about the same build. However, Im definitely at an advantage if you take my anger into consideration, and Grayson can clearly see that. He takes a step back, which probably isnt a very smart move considering hes backing himself straight into the corner of the living room. He fumbles with his pocket and finally pulls out his phone.

What the hell do you want my phone for? he says. I grab it out of his hands and dial Less number without hitting send. I hand it back to him.

Call her. Tell her what a bastard you are and end it.

Grayson looks down at his phone, then back up at me. Go fuck yourself, he spits.

I inhale a calming breath, then roll my neck and pop my jaw. When that doesnt help ease my urge to make him bleed, I reach forward, grab the collar of his shirt and shove him hard against the wall, pinning his neck with my forearm. I remind myself that if I kick his ass before he makes the call, my remaining calm for the past ten minutes will have been pointless.

My teeth are clenched, my jaw is tight, and my pulse is pounding in my head. Ive never hated anyone more than in this moment. The intensity of what I wish I could do to him right now is even scaring me.

I look him hard in the eyes and let him know how the next few minutes are about to play out. Grayson, I say through clenched teeth. Unless you want me to do what I really want to do to you right now, you will put the phone to your ear, you will call my sister, and you will end it. Then youre going to hang up the phone and never speak to her again. I press my arm harder against his neck, taking note of the fact that his face is now redder than his shirt, due to lack of oxygen.

Fine, he grumbles, attempting to free himself from the hold I have on him. I wait until he looks down at the phone and hits send before I release my arm and let go of his shirt. He puts the phone to his ear and never stops looking at me as we both stand still and wait for Les to answer.

I know what this will do to her, but she has no idea what he does behind her back. No matter how many times she hears it from other people, hes somehow able to weasel his way back into her life every time.

Not this time. Not if I have any control over it. I wont sit back and let him do this to my sister anymore.

Hey, he says into the phone. He tries to turn away from me to speak to her, but I shove his shoulder back against the wall. He winces.

No, babe, he says nervously. Im at Jaxons house. Theres a long pause while he listens to her speak. I know thats what I said, but I lied. Thats why Im calling. Les, I . . . I think we need some space.

I shake my head, letting him know that he needs to make it an absolute break-up. Im not looking for him to give her space. Im looking for him to give my sister permanent freedom.

He rolls his eyes and flips me off with his free hand. Im breaking up with you, he says flatly. He allows her to talk while he remains silent. The fact that hes showing no remorse whatsoever proves what a heartless dick he is. My hands are shaking and my chest tightens, knowing exactly what this is doing to Les right now. I hate myself for forcing this to happen, but Les deserves better, even if she doesnt think she does.

Im hanging up now, he says into the phone.

I shove his head back against the wall and force him to look at me. Apologize to her, I say quietly, not wanting her to hear me in the background. He closes his eyes and sighs, then ducks his head.

Im sorry, Lesslie. I didnt want to do this. He pulls the phone from his ear and abruptly ends the call. He stares at the screen for several seconds. I hope youre happy, he says, looking back up at me. Because you just broke your sisters heart.

Thats the last thing Grayson says to me. My fist meets his jaw twice before he hits the floor. I shake out my hand, back away from him, and make my way to the exit. Before I even reach my car, my phone is buzzing in my back pocket. I pull it out and dont even look at the screen before answering it.

Hey, I say, attempting to control the trembling anger in my voice when I hear her crying on the other end. Im on my way, Les. Itll be okay, Im on my way.

Its been an entire day since Grayson made the call, but I still feel guilty, so I tack on an extra two miles to my evening run for self-inflicted punishment. Seeing Les torn up like she was last night wasnt something I had expected. I realize now that having him call her like I did probably wasnt the best way of handling things, but theres no way I could just sit back and allow him to dick around on her like he was.

The most unexpected thing about Less reaction was that her anger wasnt solely placed on Grayson. It was as if she was pissed at the entire male population. She kept referring to men as sick bastards, pacing her bedroom floor back and forth, while I just sat there and watched her vent. She finally broke down, crawled into bed, and cried herself to sleep. I lay awake, knowing I had a hand in her heartache. I stayed in her room the whole night, partly to make sure she was okay, but mostly because I didnt want her picking up the phone and calling Grayson in a moment of desperation.

Shes stronger than I give her credit for, though. She didnt attempt to call him last night and shes made no attempt to call him today. She didnt get much sleep last night, so she went to her room before lunch to nap. However, Ive been pausing outside her bedroom door throughout the day just to make sure I couldnt hear her on the phone, so I know she hasnt made any attempts to call him. At least while Ive been home. In fact, Im pretty sure the heartless phone call from him last night was exactly what she needed to finally see him for who he really is.