Miriam deFord - Press Conference

Ladies and gentlemen of the press, before I introduce to you the lady known as Miss X, I owe you, as chairman of the Far Space Research Committee of the UN, an explanation and an apology. I hope, however, that you, who are all experienced reporters with credentials from the tridimens chains and newstape syndicates of the Three Planets, have already understood why it has not been possible before this for you to interview the first human being to travel outside our solar system and to return. Security, ladies and gentlemen! That old devil security, as I believe one of the authors of the 20th century once put it. You have covered the tumultuous public welcomes, the enormous receptions, the formal investitures with decorations and honorary degrees. But until today, two months after her arrival at the Melbourne airport counting in the week it took her for recuperation we could not clear Miss X for questioning by the press.

But now all of the closed sessions have been held. The information Miss X has given us has been classified. And she has been fully briefed on what she is free to say to you.

One word more before I leave her to your tender mercies, ha ha. (I shall be right here by her side, to assist you and her if the going gets hard.) There is nothing classified about our concealment of our pioneer extra-solarians name under the clumsy pseudonym of Miss X. That was done only because her own name is difficult to spell and pronounce. Also, her knowledge of our international language, English, is not perfect, and she is not used to public speaking. Please be patient, therefore, and after she has made her introductory remarks, question her one at a time and as clearly and simply as you can. I cannot interpret for her because I do not know her language, but I shall do my best to help if you or she should have difficulty in understanding.

And now, it gives me infinite pleasure to present to you Dor-je Lhor-kang, alias Miss X, the premier explorer of the Galaxy outside our solar system.

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Tank you, Mr. Rasmussen. I am wery glad be able to talk to you, and troo you to whole Eart and Moon and Mars and Wenus Colonies.

And first I explain to you how I am chosen to be one to go.

Before even man go to Moon, let alone udder planets, way back hoondred years ago or more, scientists consider what kind of human bein best fitted successfully penetrate space. All physical, psychological, mental attributes which is most likely to succeed. Here, I read to you what one wrote as prescription:

Should be midget woman from high Andes, used to tin air, wit doctors degree in physics, and wit even, extroverted disposition.

Sounds like yoke, but was proved true. Some tings self-evident, but I should add midget because space in ship so limited, calm disposition because of terrible monotony and loneliness on long journey. Women more patient as men.

But no, said Aviation Medical School of American Air Force, not woman never possible, we put women on pedestal, must not risk mudders of race to sacrifice. So dey say, but maybe what dey mean is, women not good as men, eh? So, many still felt, hoondred years ago.

And even more, where sooch women could be found in high Andes dat would be Peru, Chile, no? Dere women still more limited as in udder parts of Eart. And where find midget wit good brains to become Ph.D. in physics?

Den said delegate from USSR, we can do. Whatever is done, we do first. We find you sooch women. Not in Andes in Tibet, which is yoost as high up, air yoost as tin. And if we cannot find, we make.

Was long discoossion in UN. Den, I tink because Western nations tink dis all boast and no performance, UN say, wery well, you bring us five or six sooch women, for not mooch chance first two or tree ever come back. And if by den we have not something better, we give dem opportoonity.

Five years, say Roossians, we show you.

And dey look all over Tibet for women what is midgets, like me. Oonder four feet high, and Tibetans tall people. Den what dey find, dey put troo oh, such examinations, to see which has good minds, even if cannot read and write. Dat not so hard, because in Tibet women always not on pedestal, but head of household, used to running tings, smart. Out of all dey get tree, and I am one. No compoolsion, all us crazy to go. You from West, you will say, oh yes, after hoondred years under Chinese Communists, Tibetans only too glad to leave Eart

Please, Miss X! Remember absolutely no politics.

I understand, Mr. Rasmussen. I yoost make like yoke.

So we forget dat. Dey take us tree. No need examine us for calm disposition, all Tibetans calmest people on Eart. But for five years oh, such intensive training, physics, physical chemistry, astronomy, astrogation, you never see. All day we study, and when we sleep we switch on machine and study some more. And at end we taken to Moscow University, and to Sorbonne, and to Cambridge, and to Massachusetts Institute Technology, and each place we go troo written, spoken exams, and each place we all tree pass wit honors, and we have now Ph.D. degree from all. We all midgets, we all in perfect healt and feeling happy, we all doctors in physics, we all women wit no husband, no children to distract our mind, and we all filled with yoost one feeling risk life gladly to be first to reach outer space.

Den USSR delegate presents us before UN committee. We do not find you five or six, delegate says, but here is tree. Have you anything better to offer?

Again is big debate, and wote is close. But we win.

So now we are trained again, as pilots. All dis so high top secret, nobody anywhere knows, only UN to which we are attached. Already unmanned space-ships dat no secret, you all know dat go out beyond Soon. Most are destroyed. But some come back. And same wit animals dogs, monkeys, once chimpanzee and out of maybe fifty, two return and are alive. Instruments bring back much knowledge, we know for sure are habitable planets not so far away in Galaxy. But only wit human pilot could ship land and take off again. Yes, yentleman in second row?

Where, precisely, are such habitable planets located?

I am sorry, if I knew I could not tell you, is so high classified I do not know. I do not even know if where I landed was one of planets already recorded. And I tell you now, before I go on, I cannot give you least idea where in Galaxy is planet on which I was first Eart bein to set foot. Is not so, Mr. Rasmussen?

It certainly is.

Well, comes time now is four years ago when first of us leaves. Is time of tremendous anxiety, you can tink. We tree have been so long, so close togeder, is like our own sister goes. And dat ship is lost.

So goes de second, and dat ship survives, but it misses any planet and is forever lost in space, coffin of our second sister. Everyting, everyting, now is on me.

And den dey send me. Dat is two and a half years ago. You can calculate light-years if you want to guess, but I will not tell you direction. You know what day I return. Is when I enter solar system again dat for first time UN makes public.

Now before I answer questions about what I find, I tell you what I do not say. I am not allowed give you technical details of flight. Dat is all high classified. I tell you what I do myself I eat, I sleep, I check instruments, most of time I yoost tink but I do not talk about spaceship itself, or equipment, or log of flight, same way I do not tell you where I land. Mr. Rasmussen here to stop me, is all high classified. De way nations used to make sure security against each udder, now must planets do, so tinks Eart. I tink udder planet not tink same as Eart, dough ciwilized peoples, not afraid of backward ones.

Now, Miss X, steady on! Lets not go into controversial matters.

I am sorry. Now you ask me, I tell you what I can.