Miriam Lancewood - Woman in the Wilderness

First published in 2017

Copyright Miriam Lancewood, 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

Most names have been changed to protect places and peoples privacy.

Allen & Unwin

Level 3, 228 Queen Street

Auckland 1010, New Zealand

Phone: (64 9) 377 3800

Email:

Web: www.allenandunwin.co.nz

83 Alexander Street

Crows Nest NSW 2065, Australia

Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100

A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of New Zealand

ISBN 9781877505751

eISBN 9781925576726

Maps by Jo Pearson

Internal design by Anna Egan-Reid

Cover design: Anna Egan-Reid

Cover photo: Lottie Hedley

This book is dedicated to my loving adventurer, Peter.

He showed me the way of freedom and randomness.

Oh, mothers

Kiss your children every night

Let the truth be their light

Make them go and let them be

Like my mother did with me.

Oh, fathers

Sing your children a tender song

About the earth where they belong

Sing your love and set them free

Like my father sang to me.

Miriam Lancewood

CONTENTS

It is a beautiful winters day and I am walking with my bow and arrows on the side of a mountain, in search of a wild goat. I clamber into dense forest, and make my way up through vines and fallen logs. Gradually, the trees become smaller, and the moist, leafy soil gives way to rocky patches. The sun has warmed the dark rock face, and I sit down to admire the world around me. This beautiful valley is our home for the long winter. There is no wind and everything is utterly still. I marvel at the silent grandeur of the majestic peaks covered with untouched white snow. Below me, the river has shaped the landscape according to its own random way. The swift river and the slow forest are growing together in harmony.

Directly above me, I notice more flat rocks to climb on to. Maybe there are goats living underneath that little overhang? They like warm, dry places with good views, and might come back in the late afternoon. I quietly climb a little higher to take a closer look.

Eventually, I arrive at an open spot between some small trees. I dont see any goats, but I realise that I am now so high up that I can see our little camp down in the narrow valley below. I can even see Peter! He is a tiny figure with a red jumper, almost swallowed up by the great landscape. It was only this morning that I kissed him goodbye, but it feels as though I havent seen another human being for ten years.

Peter, look this way! I think excitedly.

As I watch, I see him stand up. Maybe he is looking up at the mountain? I cant tell for certain, but I jump up and take my jacket off, waving it from left to right to try to get his attention. After a few seconds I see Peter pick up his little mat and wave it slowly in the air in response.

I feel tears well up in my eyes. We are waving at each other, touching each other over a great distance. I am looking at the wilderness and at Peter: the two dearest beings in my heart.

I was nervous. I could feel my cheeks glowing and I tried to cool them down with the backs of my hands, but to little effect. As I walked slowly towards the door, I rehearsed what I was going to say. My manager, Virginia, had also become my friend over the last year and I didnt want to disappoint her. I knocked on the door.

Come in.

Virginia was sitting at her desk, busy with papers, computer, schedules and timetables. Her beautiful dark hair fell smoothly behind her shoulders. She was a little plump, and that strengthened her position and softened her character.

Take a seat, Miriam. How are you? she asked cheerfully, shifting her purple shawl behind her shoulders. What can I do for you?

I lifted a folder off the chair on the other side of her desk in order to sit down. Good, thank you. I took a deep breath. Im sorry, Gin, I began, but Id like to resign. I waited a second before I continued. I like the school and all, but I am ready for something else. Then I smiled, because I had reached the end of the lines Id practised in my head.

At first Virginia looked slightly amused, then I saw a little surprise in her eyes. Why? she asked. Have you got another job? She placed her hand kindly on mine for a moment. Her shawl fell back to the front again.

Oh, no, I replied. Id like to live in the wilderness.

Virginia raised her eyebrows.

The bush, nature, way up in the mountains, I added.

Her mouth fell open. Really? But... why? she asked.

Well, its just that the wilderness makes me feel alive, I offered. Virginia still looked a little perplexed. I would like to try it, to see if I can survive, to see if it transforms my mind and my body, I said.

I see... but, will you still come out to town sometimes, do you think? I could see Virginia trying to make sense of what I was telling her.

Well, our plan is to go into the mountains for three months at a time, then we will come out to restock our supplies before returning to find another place in the wilderness, I explained. We are going to do this for four seasonsone year.

But how will you shower? she asked suddenly.

Shower? I thought. It took me a split-second to digest this unexpected question. Well, Ill just wash in the river! I blurted out.

Even in the middle of winter? A flash of disbelief crossed Virginias face. Oh no, you have to come out once a month! At least when you have your period, surely!

I couldnt help myself: I laughed, and shortly afterwards Virginia laughed too. A rush of excitement filled me: this was really happening. I was about to embark on a great adventure.

On a beautiful autumn day in April, the teachers and the students at the school I worked at held a farewell party for me. They had organised a buffet, and afterwards I sang a song for everybody, outside in the courtyard. I was nervous about performing in front of a big group, because my voice had failed me on past occasions, but I was determined to say goodbye properly and with style. I sang a song that I had written myself: Get out for freedom, cause there is no key... Remember, freedom is for free.

Later, when we were inside, I was trying to break up a piece of chocolate cake with a plastic fork totally unsuited to the task when Virginia came over to me.

Well certainly miss you, Miriam, she said.

Thats very nice of you to say, Gin. I smiled at her.

I mean it. But I have to admit living in the wilderness still seems a strange choice to make, she said honestly. I mean, youve had offers to work as a teacher, become an athlete or even a musician. How come a pretty young woman like you would choose to live in poverty and isolation in the mountains? Her big brown eyes looked puzzled.

Well I started, glancing down at my cake.