Selsberg - Dear old love : anonymous notes to former crushes, sweethearts, husbands, wives, & ones that got away

Anonymous Notes to Former Crushes,
Sweethearts, Husbands,Wives
& Ones That Got Away

COMPILED AND EDITED BY
ANDY SELSBERG

WORKMAN PUBLISHING NEW YORK

Copyright 2009 by Andy Selsberg

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproducedmechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopyingwithout written permission of the publisher.

eISBN 978-0-7611-5825-7

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Cover design by Robb Allen

Hand with Quill Pen, Courtesy of the

New York State Museum, Albany, N.Y. 12230.

Inkwell Veer

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225 Varick Street

New York, NY 10014-4381

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I got married recently. Commitment can be fun, but all our connections to past loves dont evaporate upon taking a vow. Part of me is still fifteen, riding go-carts with a girl I wanted to kiss. I continue to berate myself for moments in relationships when I should have been more consideratedeodorant for her birthday? Idiot! And Ill wonder: Is there a statute of limitations on flowers? Here I am in the shower, trying to finish off quarrels that ended years ago. Or, Ill picture someone I admired, and think how we couldve had a fiery affair, if only Id spoken up. I rue times when I didnt kiss back, times when I didnt appreciate what I was getting, times when she didnt appreciate what I was giving.

As a way to settle into marriage, I wanted to reconcile all this extra desire, fondness, anger, and regret. I cant sing or play guitar, and direct communication is too sticky and impractical, if not impossible. I needed a bottle for all this, and a sea to throw it into: out there, but not headed anywhere. Luckily, thats what the Internet is for. And I figured if I had a bunch of old love business to take care of, the rest of the world would too, so I started the Dear Old Love project.

Dear Old Love began as a website: dearoldlove.com . There, people can send messages to former flames and objects of affectionall anonymously. I edit and post what I think are the funniest, the saddest, the sweetest, the smartest, the most illuminating, and, sometimes, the most spiteful. A good Dear Old Love note is the long, sloppy story of a heart, condensed to a line.

In the future there may be many more arms to the Dear Old Love project: coffee mugs, pinball machines, charter schools, a perfume that smells like a breakup conversation in an autumn garden. But for now well start with a bookthis bookwhich is what I envisioned from the beginning. A book because ruminations on love are best digested at the speed of literature, with ink on paper. A book because you cant really give someone a website: Happy anniversary, darling. Check out this link! And a book because the best books are beguiling and enduring, like memories of our best and dearest old loves.

Here we are reaching out to the ones that got away, and the ones we held onto for years. This is a collection of notes from the world, to the world. And they all begin, Dear Old Love

Andy Selsberg

Mother told me, Dont buy the first coat you try on. So I broke up with you. But in retrospect, I think she was talking about coats. Sorry.

Im consoled by the fact that the two of you will have very hairy children.

Putting ketchup in a bowl, no drinking from cans because youll cut your lip, special slippers for guests. Being at your moms house was like those crazy laws from the 1800s that say you cant walk a duck on a leash in Pennsylvania.

When I play air guitar, youre my air audience.

I cant believe I miss hearing you yell Now thats what Im talking about! after bowel movements you were particularly proud of.

I never tired of looking at you over the tops of menus.

Since you left, I still make two cups of coffee in the morning. I drink both of them.

Im dreading the first snowfall, because Ill have to remember a Sunday, white sheets, and pillow creases on your face.