Brenda Schaeffer - Is It Love or Is It Addiction? - Second Edition
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With more than 250,000 copies in print, Is It Love or Is It Addiction? has helped countless people find their way from the trials and confusions of addictive love to the fulfillment of whole and healthy relationships. In this second edition, psychotherapist Brenda Schaeffer draws on new developments in her practice, as well as a decade of feedback, to expand her original insights and advice. The result is a fresh perspective on intimacy and an invaluable practical guide to making relationships work. Brenda Schaeffer conducts workshops on addictive relationships. She is the author of Loving Me, Loving You.
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Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-0094 1-651-213-4590 (Fax) http://www.hazelden.org
1987, 1997 by Brenda Schaeffer All rights reserved. First published 1987. Second edition 1997 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Schaeffer, Brenda. Is it love or is it addiction?/Brenda Schaeffer. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 1-56838-140-9 1. Relationship addiction. 2. Love. I. Title. RC552.R44S34 1997 158.2DC21 97-27921 CIP
02 01 00 99 9 8 7 6 5 4
Book design by Will H. Powers Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services, Inc. Cover design by David Spohn
The vignettes in this book are composites of actual situations and persons, although some story lines in the vignettes have been created by the author for il lustrative purposes. The autobiographical sketches are real, although the names have been changed. Any resemblance to specific persons, living or dead, or spe cific events, is entirely coincidental.
Page v
For my children, Heidi and Gordy, that they may know healthy love; for my late father, Ralph Furtman, in grati tude for his steadfast support and caring; for my late mother, Bernice Furtman, in acknowledgment of her permission to be all that I can be. May the souls of my parents know a peace they so deserve.
Page vii
A good book is a supple and yielding thing. It is meant to be argued with, challenged, marked up. It is a battle ground for ideas and should show some evidence of a fight or at least some preliminary skirmishes. It is good for igniting minds. It is not the be-all and end-all of a balanced and productive life, but it can touch off needed thoughts and action. NORMAN COUSINS, Human Options
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