Barbara Annis - Work with me : the 8 blind spots between men and women in business

WORK

WITH ME

WORK

WITH ME

The 8 Blind Spots Between
Men and Women in Business

BARBARA ANNIS

AND

JOHN GRAY

WORK WITH ME

Copyright Barbara Annis and John Gray, 2013.

All rights reserved.

First published in 2013 by PALGRAVE MACMILLAN in the U.S.a division of St. Martins Press LLC, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010.

Where this book is distributed in the UK, Europe and the rest of the world, this is by Palgrave Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited, registered in England, company number 785998, of Houndmills, Basingstoke, Hampshire RG21 6XS.

Palgrave Macmillan is the global academic imprint of the above companies and has companies and representatives throughout the world.

Palgrave and Macmillan are registered trademarks in the United States, the United Kingdom, Europe and other countries.

ISBN: 978-0-230-34190-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Annis, Barbara, 1954-

Work with me : the 8 blind spots between men and women in business / Barbara Annis and John Gray.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-230-34190-6 (alk. paper)

1. Sex role in the work environment. 2. Sex discrimination in employment.

3. Communication in organizations. 4. MenAttitudes. 5. WomenAttitudes.

6. Interpersonal relations. I. Gray, John, 1951 II. Title.

HD6060.6.A553 2013
306.36081dc23

2012044297

A catalogue record of the book is available from the British Library.

Design by Letra Libre

First edition: May 2013

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Printed in the United States of America.

To my husband, Paul Reed Currie, whose amazing support, love, and integrity I always admire and treasure.

And to my wonderful children, Lauren, Sasha, Stphane, and Christian; my bonus children, Zachary, Kelly, and Jeremy; and my grandchildren, Colin, Cameron, Alaia, Brydan, Jake, Riley, and Grayson.

Barbara

With love and affection to my wife, Bonnie Gray, and our daughters Lauren, Juliet, and Shannon. Their love has supported me to be the best I can be, and to share with others what we have learned together as a family.

John

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO LEE BROWER, WHO HAD THE VISION TO introduce the idea of bringing two global experts together to combine their insights from both their business and personal lives.

We wish to thank our senior editor, John Fayad, for his dedication and hard work. We also wish to thank the many thousands of men and women who have participated in this work and have ensured that it made a lasting difference in their lives. Thank you to Karen Wolny and the team at Palgrave Macmillan, and our literary agent, Carol Mann, for bringing this work into the world. We also want to acknowledge our friends, colleagues, and clients for having made tremendous contributions in their sphere of influence.

BARBARA ANNIS

I wish to thank Lee Akazaki, Kenchiro Akiyama, Jane Allen, Jennifer Allyn, Shahla Aly, Greg Van Asperen, Beth Axelrod, Robin Baliszewski, Jim Beqaj, Jill Beresford, Gina Bianchini, Lynda Bowles, Stephanie Hanbury Brown, Woody Buckner, James Bush, Susan Cartsonis, Kenneth Chenault, Jennifer Christie, Judy Dahm, Christa Dowling, Nancy Elder, Carol Evans, Dr. Helen Fisher, Nancy Forsyth, Gaby Giglio, Ed Gilligan, Neena Gupta, Dr. Ruben Gur, Bruce Haase, Nadine Hack, Irena Halsey, Jane Hewson, Jan Hill, Arianna Huffington, Swanee Hunt, Dr. Joseph Jaworski, Elisabeth Jensen, Sonya Kunkel, Dr. George Labovitz, Stan Labovitz, Carolyn Lawrence, Bruce Leamon, Chuck Ledsinger, Dr. Marianne Legato, Maria LeRose, Pernille Spiers-Lopez, Renee Lundholm, Anne Madison, Susanna Margolis, Marguerite McLeod, Ramn Martn, Graciela Meibar, Dr. Keith Merron, Dr. Anne Moir, Betsy Myers, Lisa Olinda, Hubert Saint-Onge, Paola Corna Pellegrini, Kerrie Peraino, Phyllis Stewart Pires, Allison Pogemiller, Alan Richter, Eiko Saito, Nicole Schwab, Maria Shriver, Dr. Janet Smith, Jim Hagerman Snabe, Val Sorbie, Erin Stein, Claudia Studle, Kate Sweetman, Aniela Unguresan, Dr. Karin Verland, Dr. Elena Vigna, Lara Warner, James Ward, Donna Wilson, Marie Wilson, Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Sandra Witelson, Anka Wittenberg, and Janet Wood.

A special thank-you to: John Hart, CEO of the Gender Intelligence Institute and the Impact Center, whose dedication and commitment to advancing Gender Intelligence and Collaborative Leadership ranging from the White House to our powerful emerging leaders;

All the amazing, deeply committed women leaders and staff at the Womens Leadership Board, Harvard Kennedy School; to the Gender Equality Project Geneva, I am honored to partner with you in creating a world where men and women are equally valued and respected in all aspects of economic, political, and social life; to the remarkable board members of the Institute for Womens Studies in the Arab World (IWSAW) at the Lebanese American University in Beirut, Lebanon, for their enduring contribution to empowering women in the Arab world through development, programs and education; and to all the organizations and their men and women embracing Gender Intelligence for the want of working and succeeding together including American Express, Bentley University, Blake, Cassels & Graydon, BMO Financial Group, Choice Hotels International, CIBC, Costco, Crayola, Credit Suisse, Danish CEO Network, Deloitte, the Department of Justice, the Department of National Defense, Deutsche Bank, Disney, DoveUnilever, eBay, EDS, Electrolux, Federal Business Development Bank, Financial Times, Ford Motor Company, Fordham University, Goldman Sachs, Goodman & Carr, Greenberg Traurig, Harvard University, HSBC Bank, IBM, IKEA, Imperial Oil, Industry Canada, Kelloggs, Kvinfo, Johnson & Johnson, Lever Ponds, Levi Strauss, Mattel, McDonalds, Microsoft, Molson, Motorola, National Defense Canada, Nissan, Novartis, Oliver Wyman, Pax World, Pearson Education, Pfizer, Prentice Hall, PricewaterhouseCoopers, RBC Financial, RBC Investment Group, SAP, Scotia Bank, SMBC, Sunlife Insurance, Swedish Chamber of Commerce, Symcor, Tambrands, Toshiba, Treasury Board, UBS Investments, Unilever, Wells Fargo Women of Influence, Wood Gundy Securities, Xerox, and Xstrata.

JOHN GRAY

I want to thank my wife, Bonnie Gray, for her continued love and support in our personal relationship as well as in the office, where she continues to update me on how to support the women we work with. I would also like to thank our three daughters and their partners, Shannon and Jon, Juliet and Dan, Lauren and Glade, and our adorable grandchildren Sophia, Bo, Brady, and Makena.

So many thanks go to my team that makes this work happen. My executive assistant, Hallina Popko, Jon Myers, marketing director of MarsVenus.com, Marcy Wynne, director of customer service, Glade Truitt, director of video production for my daily online blog, Jeff Owens, director of AskMarsVenus.com, Rich Bernstein, president and director of MarsVenusCoaching.com and Mars Venus Coaching Training, Amy Kamstra, manager of Mars Venus Coaching Training as well as all the following Mars Venus Executive Coaches around the world: Karen Leckie, Lesley Edwards, Alan Ogden (Canada), Rosa Botran (Guatemala), Jessy Keller (Mexico), Dalal Al Janaie (Kuwait), Kal Sharaf (Jordan), Michele Festa, Caterina Tornani (Italy), Michael Kubina (Germany), Nesan Naidoo (Australia), Niru Kumar (India), Melodie Tucker, Liza Davis, Susan Berke, and Lyndsay Katauskas (USA).

Adapting the Mars Venus Message to meet the challenges of the many diverse companies and organizations listed below has refined and shaped the insights in Work with Me to improve communication between men and women in their professional and personal lives. I want to thank: AIG Financial, Allstate Insurance, American Airlines, American Mothers Convention, America Online (AOL), Anthony Robbins Company, ARCA Enterprises, AT&T, BermanBraun, Better Business Bureau, Book Passage, Borders Bookstores, Californias Women Conference, Central Intelligence Agency, Charles Schwab, Chopra Center for Wellbeing, the Coca Cola Company, Commonwealth Bank, Coors Brewing Company, Crucial.com, Daimler-Chrysler, Dr. Oz and ZoCo Productions, Emerson University, eWomen Network, EXL, Ford Australia, Ford Motor Company, Governor of Utah Marriage Day, Harvey Mackay Roundtable, IBM, ICMI Speakers BureauAustralia, Isagenix, Johnson and Johnson, Kmart, Kuwait Oil Company, Lifestyle Medicine Summit, Lucent Technologies, Luxor, McDonalds, Merck Pharmaceuticals, MGM Resorts International, Microsoft, Mortgage and Finance Association of Australia, National Association for Hospice and Home Care, National Broadcasting Company, National Institute of Standards and Measurements, National Public Radio, National Speakers Association, Natural Factors, Nightingale Conant, Nokia, Oprah Winfrey and Harpo Productions, Oracle, Parker Chiropractic Seminars, Pat Vitucci and Associates, Peak Potentials, Preferred Nutrition, Princess Cruise Lines, Public Broadcasting Service, Rotary Club, Sheraton Towers International, Smart Marriages, Society For Human Resource Management, Sony Pictures, Stanford University, Suisse Vitamins, Summit Entertainment, Suzanne Somers, TED, the American Society of Bariatric Physicians, the Boeing Company, the Commonwealth Club, the Pachamama Alliance, the Pollack PR Marketing Group, Toyota Australia, Toys R Us, Transformational Leadership Council, U.S. Army, Wal-Mart, Walt Disney Corporation, WPO/YPO, and YourTango.