Dry January - Try Dry The Official Guide to a Month Off Booze

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Epub ISBN: 9781473563520

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Text Alcohol Change UK 2018

Alcohol Change UK have asserted their right to be identified as the authors of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

First published by Square Peg in 2018

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I grew up in a pub in the 1970s on a council estate in Blackburn. The regulars were serious drinkers. Not serious in a they dont smile sense, as they used to smile a lot. But the kind of smile that only heavy drinkers do. The one where it looks like someone has just told them something hilarious but theres actually nobody sat next to them.

I can tell you now the regulars of the Centurion on the Roman Road estate would have viewed Dry January with a great deal of suspicion. A month off the booze? Why? Although if they were more honest with themselves they would have said, How? Because to these regulars, having a month off the booze would have been tricky to say the least. They would have struggled with Dry Thursday. In fact, Dry Breakfast would have been a challenge for some.

I have sort of done Dry January myself. I say sort of because I stopped drinking alcohol on 3 January 2017. I wanted to stop on the 1st and do a proper Dry January. But the problem I had was that I knew I was going to the PDC World Darts Championship Final on 2 January (Michael van Gerwen beat Gary Anderson 7-3 if youre interested. No? Oh, just me then). And starting the first couple of days of not drinking by going to the darts is a bit like starting your diet by visiting the Jammy Dodger factory. So I had one final blow-out and decided to stop for a short while. I had no intention of stopping completely, I just wanted to have the rest of January off the booze. But because Id slightly cheated and not done 1 or 2 January, I made myself do an extra couple of days in February so I could say to myself that Id done a month. And then I thought, Oh well, Ive started February, I may as well see it out. And before I knew it February had become March, and March had become April, and April had become May and well, Ill let you take it from here, you know the order of the months, right? And here I am, a couple of years later, and Ive still not had any booze.

And I guess the question youre thinking is, Yeah, but how much were you drinking? I say that because whenever I tell people how long its been since I had a drink I always get The Look. The Look is when people want to say, Were you a normal drinker who decided to just get a bit healthy, or were you regularly waking up in a skip with your trousers missing? But they cant ask that, because its awkward, so they always play safe and nervously say, Oh! What made you do that? which covers both. And I sometimes think they are hoping to get the trouserless skip anecdote, because that way they can think, Ah well, Im not like you, Im a normal drinker so I dont need to do it.

For what its worth I think I would have been classed as the normal type. You know, a glass of wine in the evening in front of the telly. Well, maybe two. And I guess they were fairly big ones. And occasionally I might finish the bottle off. And there was the odd blow-out where Id get a bit legless, like at Christmas. And New Year. Oh yeah, and birthdays. And get-togethers with old mates. And on holiday. And stag dos. And Friday nights. And Saturday nights. Like I say, normal.

For me the appeal of drinking was the altered state of mind, whether it was to feel more relaxed, or feel more social, or feel more carefree. But one day I just had this sudden urge to have a different altered state of mind for a change and see what it was like to not drink at all, for a proper amount of time, not just a couple of days. I suppose I was just curious. What does it actually feel like to be a complete non-drinker? Even if its just for a month?

So, how did it feel? Well, sort of tricky at first. The first few days were easy. Its like the first few days of getting fit or dieting. Youre full of enthusiasm for this new-found, life-changing attitude. But by day three or four you start missing it a bit. You have a stressy day, you open the fridge, and staring back is a cold bottle of Blue Nun (OK, it wasnt Blue Nun, it was actually a decent bottle of Sauvignon blanc. But Im the kind of person whos always had this terrible fear of becoming showbizzy and middle-class, perhaps because Ive got one eye on being offered the Greggs advert. You know the type, those awful people who cant even do a foreword for a book without mentioning that they grew up on a council estate in the first sentence). So it was a struggle at first. And I did wonder if I could be bothered carrying on. Then I had a bit of an enlightening moment.

On about day four of not drinking I was in a pub with a mate. This was my first day in a pub since the darts night several days earlier, so I knew it was going to be a struggle not to have a drink. I decided to compromise with myself and have a non-alcoholic drink to start, and then see how I felt afterwards. If I really fancied a pint after, Id have one.

So I bought a lemonade, and he ordered a pint of lager. Wed both had a stressy day writing jokes (youre probably sat there with your proper stressy job, thinking, Writing jokes? Stressy? Get a grip, mate. Well, all I can say is, youre wrong, its stressy). He took his pint, drank some, did that exhale of relaxation you do when you have that first sip, looked instantly calm, and said, Thats better. And after the initial wave of jealousy that only a man drinking Sprite looking at a man drinking beer can feel, I suddenly thought, Hang on, that cant be the alcohol making him instantly relaxed, it surely takes longer than that for it to get in the bloodstream (at least 30 minutes apparently). There must be something else going on here. The fact that it was the first time hed sat down all day, and was drinking an ice-cold drink, and was no longer working, and maybe thats why he felt instantly relaxed didnt occur to him. But it hadnt occurred to me either for the previous 30 years.

Thats what made me carry on not drinking. Not the health reasons, not the idea of living longer, and not because my local shop has stopped the three-for-two deal (although that was a motivation). But because I realised the whole thing is just a bit of a con.

If youre reading this, youre probably thinking about having a crack at a dry month. Well, good for you. What have you got to lose? Its only four weeks and three days. Or 744 hours. Or 44,640 minutes. Or 2,678,400 seconds actually, this isnt helping, is it?

And if youre the kind of drinker who thinks, Yeah, but Im alright, I dont drink that much. Im certainly not addicted (i.e. pretty much everybody), then youre the perfect person to Try Dry. Because it will be a doddle. Right?