Stephanie Glass - Dry January
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- Book:Dry January
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- Publisher:HarperCollins Publishers
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- Year:2016
- Rating:3 / 5
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I mean, lectures in quantum physics are probably fascinating to those who want to devote a lifetime to cracking the mysteries of the Universe, but the rest of us who only want to get next months science GCSE out of the way as painlessly as possible would rather just have a few snappy mnemonics to remember Boyles Law and the colours of the rainbow.So, for my own sake, and for anyone else who just wants to dip a toe into the murky waters of abstemiousness, I decided to write a guide to Dry January that was bite-sized, comprehensible, and not entirely serious. After all, its going to be a tough month, so well all need cheering up. One thing youll need to decide is: When does Dry January start? Can I have a drink after Big Ben on New Years Eve? Well, it very much depends how big Ben is and whether you can pinch his drink without him noticing. My stance is that if you have a few drinks in the small hours of New Years Day, then you cant justify waiting up until midnight on 31 January and immediately start gratefully necking down the Pinot Grigio. Consistency is the key.The tips at the beginning of this book will be focused on handy preparations to make for the month ahead, while those later on are aimed at getting you over the tricky finishing line at the end. anything involving having a good time, basically.So throw out your bottle opener, get reading, and Ill see you on 1 February...
BUY A TEAR-OFF DESK CALENDAR AND IMMEDIATELY REMOVE THE FIRST 30 DAYS LOOK AT IT WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND KID YOURSELF THERES ONLY ONE DAY TO GO! (ALTERNATIVELY, IF YOU LIKE THE IDEA OF TEARING OFF JANUARY 30 EACH MORNING TO JOYOUSLY REVEAL THE FINAL DAY, JUST BUY 31 DESK CALENDARS INSTEAD AND SET THEM ALL TO 30 JANUARY.) 
CELEBRATE NEW YEARS EVE AT HOME: INVITE EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO A DONT BRING A BOTTLE PARTY, THEN CHALLENGE THEM TO EMPTY YOUR DRINKS CABINET BY THE END OF THE NIGHT. anything involving having a good time, basically. So throw out your bottle opener, get reading, and Ill see you on 1 February... BUY A TEAR-OFF DESK CALENDAR AND IMMEDIATELY REMOVE THE FIRST 30 DAYS LOOK AT IT WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND KID YOURSELF THERES ONLY ONE DAY TO GO! (ALTERNATIVELY, IF YOU LIKE THE IDEA OF TEARING OFF JANUARY 30 EACH MORNING TO JOYOUSLY REVEAL THE FINAL DAY, JUST BUY 31 DESK CALENDARS INSTEAD AND SET THEM ALL TO 30 JANUARY.) CELEBRATE NEW YEARS EVE AT HOME: INVITE EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO A DONT BRING A BOTTLE PARTY, THEN CHALLENGE THEM TO EMPTY YOUR DRINKS CABINET BY THE END OF THE NIGHT. A GIANT PUNCHBOWL WILL COME IN HANDY TO FINISH OFF THE DREGS. 
GIVE A PERSONAL BREATHALYSER MACHINE TO YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR CHRISTMAS AND TELL THEM THEY CAN CALL AT YOUR HOUSE UNANNOUNCED AT ANY TIME THROUGHOUT JANUARY WITH IT. PROMISE TO GIVE THEM 500 IF THEY BREATHALYSE YOU AND FIND ALCOHOL IN YOUR SYSTEM. YOU CAN EXPECT TO SEE A GREAT DEAL OF YOUR FRIEND THIS MONTH! 
GO ON
FACEBOOK
ON NEW YEARS EVE
AND UNFRIEND
ANYONE WITH A
BIRTHDAY
IN JANUARY. 
HAVE TWO JARS IN YOUR HOUSE EVERY EVENING THAT YOU WOULD HAVE GONE TO THE PUB, STICK A FIVER IN EACH JAR. 
IF YOU ARE A COUPLE PLANNING ON STARTING A FAMILY, GET BUSY ABOUT NOVEMBER THAT WAY, COME THE END OF THE YEAR, YOU MAY HAVE THE PERFECT EXCUSE TO GIVE UP THE BOOZE. IF YOU ARE A COUPLE PLANNING ON STARTING A FAMILY, GET BUSY ABOUT NOVEMBER THAT WAY, COME THE END OF THE YEAR, YOU MAY HAVE THE PERFECT EXCUSE TO GIVE UP THE BOOZE.
SUPPORTIVE FATHERS-TO-BE WILL JOIN THEIR PARTNERS IN RESISTING A BEVVY TILL 1 FEBRUARY AT THE VERY LEAST! OR IF YOURE A GAL WITH NO PLANS TO CONCEIVE, WHY NOT JUST
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