Aguirre and Galen have raised the bar for self-help resources in the borderline personality disorder (BPD) community. Their wisdom and compassion shine through the lines of this text, creatively identifying common problems and effective solutions. For the person in recovery, they offer tools for problem solving to promote stability; and for therapists, and especially for professionals in training, they provide an opportunity to understand the individual experience of living with BPDan accomplishment that renders this book a space in everyones library.
Perry D. Hoffman, PhD, president and cofounder of National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen have written a compassionate, sensitive, and practical book to help individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) successfully navigate everyday life challenges. Im exceptionally proud to recommend this important book to my clients as well as their family members and friends.
Amanda L. Smith, LMSW, dialectical behavior therapist and treatment consultant, and author of The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner
Aguirre and Galen have written a thoughtful and practical guide for people suffering with borderline personality disorder (BPD). This book will be an important resource for clients as well as professionals and family members.
Michael Hollander, PhD, director of training at McLean 3East, assistant professor of psychology in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and author of Helping Teens Who Cut
There are few books designed to help the individual suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) to use cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) tools to help get them through difficult situations. A supplement to traditional coaching and therapy, this book accomplishes that with simplicity and clarity. Aguirre and Galen have written a practical guide that will serve as a road map to help clients improve their lives, and at the same time help therapists working with some of the most challenging clients.
Michael Roy, LCSW, founder and executive director of Clearview Womens Center, a treatment center specializing in borderline personality and emotional disorders
Publishers Note
This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books
Copyright 2015 by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 www.newharbinger.com
Cover design by Amy Shoup
Acquired by Jess OBrien
Edited by Marisa Sols
All Rights Reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Aguirre, Blaise A.
Coping with BPD : DBT and CBT skills to soothe the symptoms of borderline personality disorder / Blaise Aguirre, MD, and Gillian Galen, PsyD ; foreword by Alec Miller, PsyD.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-62625-218-9 (paperback) -- ISBN 978-1-62625-219-6 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN 978-1-62625-220-2 (epub) 1. Borderline personality disorder--Treatment. 2. Acceptance and commitment therapy. 3. Dialectical behavior therapy. 4. Self-care, Health. I. Galen, Gillian. II. Title.
RC569.5.B67A386 2013
616.85852--dc23
2015020074
This book is dedicated to my children, who have given me plenty of opportunities to practice skills, and to Lauren, who has learned to accept it when I tell her that this is my last book.
Blaise
To Jed, for your endless support of all of my projects no matter the timing, and to Henry, my littlest teacher.
Gillian
Contents
1 Wanting to Break Up
2 Fighting with Parents
3 Fighting with Friends
4 Fighting with Coworkers
5 Fighting with Your Therapist
6 Wanting to Yell at People
7 >Sadness
8 Jealousy
9 Guilt
10 Shame
11 Fear
12 Disgust
13 Fearing Abandonment
14 Feeling Lonely
15 Feeling Bored
16 >Missing Someone Important to You
17 Missing Your Therapist
18 Saying No
19 Asking for What You Need
20 Failing to Keep Commitments
21 Quitting Work or School
22 Feeling Like Skills Are Not Working
23 >When You Dont Feel Real
24 When the World Does Not Seem Real
25 Not Knowing How to Act
26 Taking On Others Emotions
27 Constantly Changing Who You Are
28 Not Completing a Project
29 Not Completing an Application
30 Skipping Work or Class
31 >Not Getting Out of Bed
32 Prioritizing When Life Is Overwhelming
33 Drinking to Address Overwhelming Feelings
34 Using Random Pills
35 Using a Friends Medication
36 The Urge to Hit Someone
37 The Urge to Punch a Wall
38 The Urge to Destroy Another Persons Property
39 >The Urge to Insult or Devalue Another
40 Self-Loathing
41 Comparing Yourself to Others
42 Feeling Like Nobody Loves You or Cares About You
43 Feeling Toxic
44 Fear of the Future
45 Fear of Never Getting Better
46 Continuing to Replay the Past
47 Feeling Like People Are Doing This on Purpose
48 Feeling Like Others Are Out to Get You
49 Believing That You Should Not Feel This Way
50 Feeling Like Life Is Unfair
51 Thinking That Things Are Easier for Other People
52 Feeling Like You Are Not Normal
53 Feeling Like You Cant Trust Your Decisions
Foreword
Individuals suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) often lead challenging lives. They typically have complicated diagnostic profiles including multiple disorders, intense and erratic interpersonal relationships, and failed multiple treatment trials. This does not include the fact that many individuals with BPD also engage in suicidal and non-suicidal self-injurious behaviors, which frightens many therapists and family members, not to mention the individual him- or herself, who may have difficulty identifying reasons to live.
I have had the pleasure of knowing Drs. Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen for the past ten years, as we have shared clients. At McLean Hospitals 3East Residential Treatment Program, they have treated many hundreds of teens and young adults who are referred from around the world due to their complicated clinical profiles. Having dedicated their lives to working with individuals diagnosed with BPD, Aguirre and Galen represent the most passionate, compassionate, and creative evidence-based practitioners.
Aguirre and Galens collective clinical brilliance is captured in Coping with BPD. By using laypersons language, the authors present a user-friendly self-help book for individuals with BPD that will undoubtedly supplement most standard therapies. Clinicians will also find that the authors clear and succinct conceptualization of problems and proposed practical solutions easily apply to their own clients.
Historically, when individuals in weekly psychotherapy had problems they would have to wait for their next weekly session to talk about what had happened. For people who have BPD, having to wait a week to deal with a problem can seem like an eternity of suffering, and this suffering interferes with developing the skills necessary to effectively cope with real-life challenges in the moment. With the advent of dialectical behavioral therapy, or DBT, between-session skills coaching by phone or text gives those struggling with BPD a more real-time, or at least closer-to-real-time, option to access therapeutic coaching to more effectively cope with whatever is going on.
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