Judy Ho - Stop Self-Sabotage: Six Steps to Unlock Your True Motivation, Harness Your Willpower, and Get Out of Your Own Way

Contents

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This book contains advice and information relating to health care. It should be used to supplement rather than replace the advice of your doctor or another trained health professional. If you know or suspect you have a health problem, it is recommended that you seek your physicians advice before embarking on any medical program or treatment. All efforts have been made to assure the accuracy of the information contained in this book as of the date of publication. This publisher and the author disclaim liability for any medical outcomes that may occur as a result of applying the methods suggested in this book.

STOP SELF-SABOTAGE . Copyright 2019 by Judy Ho. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

Cover design by Andrea Guinn

FIRST EDITION

Digital Edition AUGUST 2019 ISBN: 978-0-06-287438-2

Version 07262019

Print ISBN: 978-0-06-287434-4

Contents

HAVE YOU ever tried to reach a goal like losing weight, getting a new job, curbing overspending, or finding a satisfying relationship, only to be disappointed when your efforts didnt bring you any closer to your dreams? Have you ever avoided getting close to people, or wanted to connect with someone so badly that your insecurity and neediness scared them off? Have you ever gotten in trouble for poor money management, or found it hard to do what it takes to take your career to the next level? Have you ever stopped and thought, Why did I do that? after you reached for the cookies instead of something healthy, or when a break from a work project turned into a binge-watching session that left you bleary-eyed and behind on deadlines?

If any of this sounds familiar, youre stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage. Simply defined, self-sabotage shows up as thoughts and/or behaviors that undermine our best interests and conscious intentions. Have you ever thought, I can never do (fill in the blank), so then you give up and dont try? Thats self-sabotage. Or do you act in ways that are counter to whats good for you, for example, binge eating half a cake when you know the importance of a healthier lifestyle? Thats another example of self-sabotage. Its a phrase many of us throw around in casual conversation, and a phenomenon we easily identify in the lives of our friends and loved ones. Even so, many of us invite the harmful, inhibiting, defeating effects of self-sabotage into our own lives without even realizing it. Because self-sabotage often works behind the scenes, we are often oblivious in the moment to what were doing and how weve gotten in our own way. And as though they werent hard enough to notice, these self-defeating patterns tend to rear their ugly heads just when you are at your most stressed, or feeling crappy, or stretched too thin. Even the most successful people may engage in self-sabotage in one or more areas of their lifemaybe you have a rewarding career and solid marriage, but cant seem to keep up an exercise routine, or maybe youre a social butterfly and keep great company except when it comes to romantic partners.

Over time, self-sabotage zaps our motivation and drive. When we fail time and again to achieve our goals, but cant identify why, we become frustrated, defeated, and stop trying. If you believe you wont get what you want, why bother making an effort? Slowly, you stop dreaming big. You settle for what you have even though youre dissatisfied, and remain in the dark about how you can truly change your life for the better. Self-sabotage can lead you to miss future opportunities to get your life back on track.

Without a clear understanding of how self-sabotage works, you may find yourself eating that extra piece of cake, or having a late night out before an important meetingbehaviors that dont bring you closer to your goal and, in fact, push you further from it. You may find yourself becoming resentful of others successes while feeling hopeless to enact positive change on your own. You may blame your misfortune on bad luck, lack of drive, or worsesome personality defect that keeps you from success and happiness. You may have even come right out and identified self-sabotage as an issue in your life but then shrugged it off, sighed in exasperation, and moved on. Maybe part of you thinks you have no control over the problem.

If any of this sounds like you, I have great news: starting today, you can change course and transform your life. I can show you how to spot the problems that put you on the path to self-sabotage and teach you ways to transform your thinking and behaviors to reverse the vicious cycle it created in your life. Many of my clients have come to me with a problem they cant seem to wrap their heads around, only to discover that the core issue is self-sabotage. Once they see how they have been working against their own best interests, they are relieved to discover ways to permanently retrain their brains and keep them moving toward what they want. I will teach you to develop a crystal-clear vision of your desires, focus on your most important values, and create a precise plan for success. Ultimately, youll learn to stop self-sabotage in its tracks and make the lasting, positive change in your life that youve always wanted.

I was driven to write this book because I wanted to shine a light on self-sabotage and empower people to be their best selvesto have rewarding careers, fulfilling relationships, better healthand teach them a foolproof method to pursue whatever it is that will bring them satisfaction and happiness or however they come to define their best life. Drawing on scientific principles and my years of working with patients and talking to family members, friends, and colleagues, I realized how incredibly common self-sabotage is and how it explains many of the difficulties people encounter that are caused by problematic habits, negative thinking, and an inability to maintain progress toward their goals. I saw people stuck in ruts that eroded their confidence, dampened their self-esteem, and created chronic sadness and anxiety. I realized that I needed to help as many people as possible to understand self-sabotage, break the cycle, and lead them to experience success, so that they can believe in themselves again and realize that they can reach their goals.

Through years of research and clinical experience, I have developed a six-step program to stop self-sabotage. Based on scientific principles and practical tools, my program has helped hundreds of my clients lose weight, stop procrastinating, stick to exercise routines, find fulfilling relationships, succeed at work, and ultimately transform their lives for the better. Each step of the program contains proven techniques that you can use to identify self-sabotaging behaviors and self-defeating thoughts, intervene in the moment, and support long-term personal growth to reduce the likelihood of self-sabotage in the future. This program has worked for my patientssome of whom youll get to meet later in the bookand I know it can work for you too.