Chris (Simpsons Artist) - Motivational Quotes to Help You Be More Positive

this book is dedicated to all of my friends and my mum

Motivational Quotes to Help You Be More Positive Chris (Simpsons artist)

AN ORION EBOOK First published in Great Britain in 2015 by Orion BooksThis eBook first published in 2015 by Orion BooksOrion Publishing Group Carmelite House50 Victoria EmbankmentLondon EC4Y 0DZAn Hachette UK Company This ebook edition has been created using CircularFLO from Circular Software ISBN: 978 1 4091 5877 6 Copyright Chris (Simpsons Artist) 2015 The right of Chris (Simpsons Artist) to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the both the copyright holder and the above publisher. www.orionbooks.co.uk

dont have favouritesbecause everyone has favouritesand if you have favourites then you are the same as everyone elseand if you are the same as everyone else then you wont be anybodys favourite

600 years ago today on a cold north pole night something magical happened under a star that shined so bright that is right it is the birth of our lord saviour baby jesus christ. a lot of people sometimes always forget the true story of christmas time so pull up a seat or borrow a stool from a friend and listen to the tale of the newborn king. when mary was lay in her bedroom on christmas eve feeling really excited for it being christmas day a angel whos name is called gabron floated down from heaven to tell her that while she was sleeping the other night santa claus laid an egg inside of her and mary said i cant believe it and then gabron did a massive screaming laugh that sounded like someone rolling a barrel of children off a roof and he said well we will see about that haha and then he tapped his finger on his nose 3 times and he did a slow motion wink and then he completely vanished into a puff of steam and then mary ran over to her boyfriend josephs house and she told him that santa claus had laid an egg inside of her and joseph said he couldnt believe it and mary said i know it is the one thing i least expected to happen and then suddenly a bright star whos name is called north appeared

in the sky above them and he told them to follow him quickly before it is too late so mary and joseph climbed onto a donkeys back and they galloped after the star which led them to a barn in the middle of the north pole and he said this is where you are going to have your baby and mary said are you actually kidding me this place is so disgusting and it stinks of camels and the star said i know but it is the best i could do at this short notice and joseph said fair enough this will do i suppose and he looked at mary and rolled his eyes and then the star said good and it disappeared into the darkness and then 3 wise men came to the barn because they heard there was some sort of birthing going to be happening and joseph said they could watch if they each give mary a gift so they gave mary some gold earrings a 6 pack of frankfurter sausages and a olly murs cd because those are the things that she enjoys the most and then as quickly as a christmas wish mary starts pooing the egg out of her bum and one of the 3 wise men bursts out laughing when he sees the top of the egg coming out of marys bum and his laughing makes the other wise men burst out laughing as well and joseph kept on looking at them and tutting and then he said either you three just shut up or just stand outside of the barn because you are putting my mary off laying her egg and then mary did one last thick deep push and the egg completely slid out of her bum and landed on the barn floor and cracked open and baby jesus slowly climbed out of the egg and when joseph sees jesus he cant believe how big he is and he screams jesus christ he is massive and that is why they decided to call him jesus christ because it is what everyone always says when they first see the size of him and as mary and joseph and baby jesus and the three wise men all lay in the barn cuddling each others legs they hear the sound of sleigh bells high above their heads and at that very moment they knew that the spirit of christmas will forever live on inside of each and every single one of us for as long as baby jesus name is remembered and that is why on christmas eve santa claus lays an egg down everyones chimneys so they will always be reminded of that magical night when mary laid our lord saviour baby jesus christ out of her bum and into our hearts.

it is everyones favourite family christmas film about child neglect and torture that is right it is home alone. i have done a picture of the main character from home alone and his name is called kevin but everyone just calls him kev the slev because he is always making spit go down his chin to make people laugh and if you havent seen home alone before then you should have a watch of it tonight or tomorrow night because it is really good and my best bit in it is when kevin pours a can of coke on to his pizza and he says to his mum to clean it up and then his mum says ugh kevin you are such a disease and then she locks him in the loft and his cousin wees on him when he is sleeping and then his family all decide to go on holiday and they leave kevin in the loft on his own because he is the most unpopular one in his family and when he wakes up in the morning time he realises that everyone is gone and he goes in to his mum and dads bedroom and he stares

at himself in the mirror for ages and he keeps on saying why and then he sees 2 robbers outside of his house and he hears them saying that they are going to rob his house at 9 o clock on the dot and kevin says yeah right are you hell going to have a rob of my house you homeless idiots so he sets up loads of some traps in his house so that he can kill the robbers and then when it is night time he trys to make himself something to eat but all that he can find in the cupboards is plastic so he has to eat plastic for his christmas dinner and it made me feel really sorry for him because he was nearly crying because it was so sharp and it was cutting his throat when he is swallowing it and he kept on saying so sharp and then he hears the robbers trying to get in to his house so he goes in to the kitchen and he says to the robbers that if they come in to his house he will kill them and the robbers just start laughing and they say ha ha you cant kill us you are only 5 years old and we are both 20 years old and then kevin says ok then you asked for it and he puts a flame thrower with a knife on the end of it out of the door and he flames them and he slashes their legs with the knife as well and the robbers have to put their faces in to the snow to cool themselfs and then the tall robber stands on a nail and it goes right inside of his foot and it is so disgusting and a massive spider comes out of his mouth because he is screaming so much and then when the robbers are lay on the floor kevin goes up to them and he starts laughing and he makes loads of spit go down his chin and he says you messed with the wrong 5 year old and then the police come and they arrest the robbers and kevin says that was close and then he goes to sleep because he is so tired and starved and when he wakes up in the morning time he goes downstairs and he stands in his living room and he looks at a picture of himself for about a hour and then he hears some footsteps behind him and he says i know them familiar footsteps and he turns around and it is his mum and she says merry christmas kevin and he says merry christmas mum and she realises that she does like him after all and then right at the end kevins dad finds a gold tooth on the floor and he says to kevin did you loose your gold tooth and kevin says oh yeah i wondered where that thing went to and he puts his gold tooth back inside of his mouth and then there is a close up of kevins face and it goes in slow motion and he says merry christmas in a really deep voice and then the film just ends and it really is the best christmas film that there has ever been.