Jeffries - Mastering Depression and Living the Life You Were Meant to Live

I should have been happy.
Id traveled the world to lands near and far. Id made millions of dollars and lost it and made it again. Id started companies, worked at the cutting-edge of technology, had my articles read by more than five million people, and given talks all over the planet to audiences big and small.

But I noticed something as I went from external success to success.

Inside, I still felt like a failure.

It didnt matter how much money I made or what exotic city I touched down in, I still felt ugly and broken inside.

I wanted to feel better so I changed everything that were told matters in life. After gaining weight for years, I started working out furiously and altered my diet dramatically. I went from 225 pounds to 175 and chiseled. I got divorced and started dating some brilliant and beautiful women. I put everything in storage and moved to Europe with a single suitcase. All my old clothes went in the garbage, and I got new ones that fit my new body. I ditched a job with golden handcuffs and took one for less money that let me live and work anywhere in the world. I made new friends, keeping only my closest friends from my past life, as I went adventuring around the globe.
But it didnt help.

Because no matter where I went or what I did, there I was.

Inside, I was still basically the same person.

Sure, I had a lot more experiences and stories and adventures, but I would still wake up feeling worthless. On so many days I couldnt get out of bed, or Id have to lie down in the middle of the day crushed by stinging criticism or something I felt had gone wrong. Whether something had really gone wrong or whether it was just in my head didnt matter all that much because it felt the same.

My friends and family and girlfriends couldnt understand it. They saw a smart, fun, and funny man who laughed big and wrote wonderful stories and lived life the way he wanted.

But I didnt see myself that way.

No matter how much my body changed I didnt feel beautiful. No matter how many people thought I was brilliant I let the few people who wanted to hurt me tell me I was stupid. It didnt matter if I was dating someone so beautiful that she had to beat other men off with a bat. I felt like a terrible lover the second my lady didnt feel like making love with me. It didnt matter if shed just had a bad day or she was tired or worried about things in her own life, I felt like I was ugly and she wasnt attracted to me anymore, even if wed made transcendent, Earth-shattering love the day before.

And then one day I was just tired of feeling this way.

I wanted to start over. I wanted to know if I could change permanently . Could I change my most basic wiring? Could I be truly different? Could I be the person everyone else saw? And it wasnt enough to just ask the questions.

I wanted to prove it. I wanted to see real change in my own life.

So, I experimented on myself. I turned myself into a human guinea pig for psychological self-surgery to find out what worked and what didnt work. I dug into mental model books, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), and radical spiritual philosophers.

I started with the basic assumption that none of it really worked.

I had to test it for myself.

If I couldnt get it to work in my own life consistently, then I threw it out, or I asked why it was failing and I modified it.

And along the way, I found out the most important secret in life.

People can change.

Were not hardware. Were software. I rewrote my own operating system. It took time but I did it.

I talk to myself differently now. Im my own best friend. I see myself differently and other people do too. I purged all the unhealthy people from my life, and now my life is rich in friends I can count on.

We can change. I did change. And you can too.

Thats why I wrote Mastering Depression and Living the Life You Were Meant to Live .

This is practical book. Its filled with exercises I know work because I tried them on myself, and I tested it on friends and family and other folks too. If it didnt work in the real world, it didnt make the cut.

This is not a book about why you are the way you are; its a book about how to change. How you got to where you are doesnt matter all that much. You are where youre at, and the best thing you can do is leave the old you behind as quickly as possible and become the person you want to be.

You can do that by adopting the same stance I did when I started experimenting with changing my mind and my life. Assume what I am saying doesnt work unless youve tested it yourself . Approach it like a scientist running an experiment. Open your mind. Let go of expectations. Then test the exercises for yourself. Give them a chance to work or not work in your own life. The only way to do something is to do it yourself.

You have to find things out for yourself or youll never find them out. The good news is you can.

I cant promise you everything in this book will work for you exactly the way it worked for me, but I can promise you this: it is possible to really change. You can be the person you want to be.

So, what are you waiting for?

Lets get started.