r.h. sin - Whiskey, Words and a Shovel I

other books by r.h. Sin Whiskey Words & a Shovel II Whiskey Words & a Shovel III Rest in the Mourning thank you Samantha, my baby. and so it happens, nothing is the same. everything altered by overtrusting and believing in someone who fed you beautiful lies, when all you ever wanted was the truth. this had been my biggest problem, a major issue in my life. theres this slow collapse happening around you, but youre blind to it because you hold on to what little hope you have left. looking back now, I shouldve known better. the red flags were all around me, but I was blinded by a love that was tainted and promises that later revealed themselves as empty. the red flags were all around me, but I was blinded by a love that was tainted and promises that later revealed themselves as empty.

I was searching for peace in the middle of chaos. I was searching for a love in the midst of hate. I was promised a lifetime of understanding yet I stood face-to-face, constantly in battle with the person who should have helped me fight off sadness. I let this go on for years, I stayed when I shouldve left, and Id continue to fight and not be fought for. there I was, thinking it could never happen to me but it did. damaged at the point of betrayal but after I healed myself. after months of ignoring phone calls, refusing to respond to " I miss you " text messages, I found my truth and discovered a greater love for myself. it all begins with you, everything and anything. it all starts with you. it all starts with you.

I realized this to be true as I continued to self-care, more aware of what I wanted, needed, and deserved. on December 3rd, in the middle of the night, I received a message from a young woman named Samantha King. I fell in love with her laugh over the phone on a Saturday evening; I fell in love with her eyes and her smile over a video chat. I fell so deeply in love with a stranger who lived in New York, thousands of miles away from me. on the 19th of that month, wed go on to become a couple and with my second visit to New York months later to meet her, Id end up staying. this list of events, summed up in the form of poetry and prose. my past is yours, the present is ours, and the future awaits us all. thank you Samantha King for being brave enough to let me in. thank you Samantha King for being brave enough to let me in.

I write to you in thanks, not only as your partner but now your fianc , someone who is in desperate need of your existence and presence for the rest of my life. in these pages, I tell a story of pain, but in my life, next to you, I am overwhelmed with joy. you are proof that there is good waiting for anyone who has lived a life of pain. you are proof that soul mates exist and that they can be found even in situations where one has given up hope. Im so happy that I found you, or maybe you found me. you helped turn my nights into morning once more. notes to the neglected ones I. young girls neglected by their fathers forced to grow up like plants without sunlight without care, without that love and so they search for that love in the arms of boys who are incapable of loving them in ways which they desire this urge to be loved romantically created by books, movies, and music filled with fairy tales far from their own reality boys pretending to be men promising love to young girls who are not yet women young girls broken down first by their fathers then by boys who will one day be completely irrelevant but the pain that they cause will somehow manifest itself as something greater than theyll ever imagine young girls weighed down by the weight of things they should have never had to experience life events that should have never occurred but they did and they will young girls neglected by their fathers forced to grow up in the coldest conditions this is a note to the neglected souls notes to the neglected ones II. no one taught you to love you and thats your biggest problem searching for validation in people who will never accept you for you being made to feel like youre not good enough trying to prove yourself to those who will never be good enough for you taken away. who robbed you of innocence who told you things youve never heard who made empty promises swearing to God that theyd do something they never actually intended to who was your first who took your virginity with meaningless compliments and a love that wasnt genuine who made you feel things your heart wasnt prepared for who fooled your heart into falling Ill tell you who the same person who later abandoned you after getting what they wanted the same person who pulled at your heartstrings with the intent of playing you like some horrible symphony and the saddest part of it all youll cling to the good memories as if there were any youll take these dirty walls and paint over them with the brightest colors known to man but the pain will always be there cant be life. sadly, so many people are setting the bar really low in terms of their personal lives working a job they hate content with struggling settling for relationships that arent actual relationships life for so many is not living at all and thats the problem you get what you allow watching others live life instead of living your best life and they wonder why everyone is self-medicating suppressing their pain pretending to be happy instead of trying to cultivate a lifestyle that brings them peace with lightning. she is a storm a magnificent force writing her lifes story in lightning 14kt. woman you are a poem written in ink derived from gold painful roots. you planted seeds bearing dishonesty and pain grew in my heart start to finish. this is the part of the book where shit gets a bit weird youre reading this to yourself without the realization that I am now talking to you directly, until now repeat after me and this more than once if you need to I am grand I am powerful I am electric I am incredible I will survive this I will be fine understand yourself. you are the light that most men will never deserve silence tales. she could tell stories of hurt with silence her smile was broken so was her heart and yet I still knew she was perfect for me truth of self. to be honest with myself I was never what you wanted I was just the one you settled for 2417. try, fail try again fail more I just wish you could have fell more or feel more death knocks on our door eviction notice and Im hurting which is why I wrote this our story, our book Im done reading, time to close it if love trumps all, then why the hell is he our potus and if Im overrated then why am I the most quoted been valuable all my life but none of my lovers seem to notice and so its fuck love, claiming Im done but I dont mean it true love exists its just that we dont ever see it self-sabotage its like we do it to ourselves but Im through like needle and thread when I was just trying to help no words. silence says the things we struggle to say the experience. youre an experience more than a woman you are lightning striking earth your presence is electrifying under stars. meet me here beneath the stars near the moon in the dark Ive been waiting for someone like you you are. meet me here beneath the stars near the moon in the dark Ive been waiting for someone like you you are.

I know you youre the girl with the broken smile youre the woman who searches the night for peace youre the woman most men dont deserve youre the woman someone needs infinite us. I assure you that when this life ends I will find you in the next no matter what the circumstances are our love is forever everlasting, never-ending out of hurt. your words sound like hate when the heart is hurt or angry split. you were never the one this was never love and we were never meant to live happily together you were simply necessary I had to be hurt by you in order to find my strength my hope for you. and I hope you find what youre looking for more love of self and someone brave enough to lose sleep with you holding you in the thickness of the night when youre restless I hope you find the love that you deserve and spoken words thatll make you swoon a hand to hold and lips to touch first thing in the morning when you wake up I hope you find the truth and nothing less something thatll bring you peace something thatll make your heart smile first day of February. and thats how they control you they make everything appear impossible they force you to believe that youre almost average at best they force you to forget about your magic and with this, you forget about your worth we are more prone to accept a little or nothing as opposed to having it all were content with small sums of what will add up to being without value in our last days of life our desire to achieve more has been buried beneath the ideals set by those threatened by an above-average ambition dont let them control you dont let them define and or set your limitations just be. woman be strong be educated be opinionated be independent you will only offend the weak you will only frighten the closed-minded and you will never be appreciated by those who dont deserve your presence and thats completely fine similar foes. no matter the gender no matter the sexual orientation no matter the color of skin we are all haunted by the same emotional devils we are all running from similar demons but youre used to it. youre so used to being mistreated that you allow your heart to remain in dirty hands youve gotten so used to being hurt that happiness scares you into staying in a relationship that will further break your spirit put your phone down. social media has made us less social we observe the lives of others instead of living out our own dreaming instead of doing liking what we see while hating what we do all nothingness. limitations self-imposed choosing to conform to the idea of not having your own ideas we work to further the agenda of others neglecting our own dreams to labor behind the efforts of helping people bring their dreams to a reality content with being the worker sitting below the boss content with being a spectator with minimum participation our version of living feels more like death as we pretend to be satisfied with nothingness fifteen. limitations self-imposed choosing to conform to the idea of not having your own ideas we work to further the agenda of others neglecting our own dreams to labor behind the efforts of helping people bring their dreams to a reality content with being the worker sitting below the boss content with being a spectator with minimum participation our version of living feels more like death as we pretend to be satisfied with nothingness fifteen.