other books by r.h. Sin Whiskey, Words, and a Shovel Whiskey Words & a Shovel II
tell me your truth. youre going to overthink yourself into an oblivion youve been drowning in a sea of your own emotions tears turn into high tides waves of overtrust crashing and destroying your peace of mind you struggle beneath the moon as the rest of the world falls asleep youre wide awake, restless mind overflowing with thoughts of giving up who were you before the nights when madness plagued your soul who were you before what you thought was love caused you to lose control and as the night bleeds into the morning and the sun dissolves the moon you find yourself losing more of who you were you find yourself smiling while sadness soaks your soul fits of laughter just to keep the tears from falling youve gotten so much better at disguising your anguish sometimes we wear masks so long to hide what we truly feel that those layers become an extra skin, a part of our identity and thats what youve become your reflection is the lie that keeps others from asking you whats wrong or wondering why sadness lives within you but they dont ask anymore they dont see the hurt like i do they dont feel your pain like i have you seem stronger you seem unbreakable but even the strongest heart gets broken even the strongest soul feels weak and even though youd like to hide the truth that lives deep within you even though youd like to keep your sadness at bay fooling those who surround you with the strength of your laughter and the size of your smile you can be honest with me you can allow your tears to fall upon these words i wont judge you because i understand you i wont judge you because i care this was written for you... many broken promises. isnt that why you choose to stay arent you just holding on to ghosts moments in time that represent the best parts of that particular relationship those parts being the ones which rarely occur those moments like distant memories of everything you wished your relationship was holding on to this rope of hope that is breaking under the pressure of your own expectations growing weaker by the fact that youre the only one who cares as much as you do isnt that why you choose to stay its much harder to walk away because youre in love with the person theyve promised to become while searching I. but i hope you find what you deserve i hope you discover the type of love that youve wasted upon others i hope you understand that what you demand is never too much and if what you request begins to feel like a burden then youre expecting those things from the wrong person remember all of this while searching... its late I. its late the moon fully visible the sun has gone into hiding youre alone your heart is heavy your mind is searching for something good to think about but nothing good has happened its nights like this where your own vulnerability becomes your worst enemy self-medicating through text messages responding to his latest i miss you unable to process the fact that these words are often used by men who are just bored or men who will never make the effort to show up its late II. because hes never showed up his words have never matched his actions hes often let you down hes always walking away hes always returning in search of another opportunity to waste your time... its late the moon fully visible the sun has gone into hiding youre alone... but maybe its for the best do your heart a favor and ignore his texts via text. impossible to read them while reading them a persons true tone via the text messages they send everything is perfect when read on mobile devices everything is perfect when those lies are spelled out with everything youd like to hear people carefully picking out the right words to craft sentences thatll somehow make you feel irrational for getting angry they hurt you and for some reason you apologize mouth of lies. dont trust words the only truth worth entertaining lives within the actions of man even the devil appears kind behind the right wording peace maintained. there is a certain amount of value locked within every word you speak and you will find that most people will never be able to afford an argument with you practice silence cultivate peace raise your standards and say nothing to those who hate below you silence and nothing. silence is what ill provide because nothing is what you now deserve hateful love. every time you claim to love me i just sit here thinking about all the hateful things youve said to me everyone in love. everyone is in love without anything to actually love everyone is in love and yet everyone is in pain unreal. see: the movies taught us fairy tales unrealistic representations of romance and music helped us associate pain with love and so we search for things that resemble the images on a big screen and a love that feels like our favorite songs longing for real love living with unrealistic expectations beside the moon. in darkness living with the stars lying beside the moon she found her strength every night many moons, many battles. her greatest battles are fought after midnight, while alone she saves herself resourceful. one of the greatest resources on earth, a woman losing time. loving the wrong person will steal your time and strip you of your youth the good. but the good people are tired theyve grown weary of fighting for relationships that cause them pain no matter how good how kind how patient... everyone has a breaking point inferno. wanting someone who doesnt deserve you is hell on earth a type of love. i think our demons were the same and so we decided to search for heaven together some help. sometimes love is the person who sees your mess and has no problem with helping you pick it all up some sleep. sometimes love is the person who fills you with so much peace that sleep comes easy some of me, us. i think youre beautiful its more than physical slightly spiritual as i see God in the details of your existence angels align whatever room you choose to occupy and heaven is in reach whenever youre close to me and i hate how much pain your heart has known but id like a place in whatever space you choose to exist i know you feel forgotten you go unnoticed but id like you to exchange the hatred youve known for the love that i can provide change the narrative I. a player is just a nicer way of calling a man a whore consent I. flirting is not a yes flirting is not giving someone consent consent II. you are not obligated to have sex with someone that youre in a relationship with dating is not consent marriage is not consent change the narrative II. but you cant turn a man whore into a husband magnification. be with the man who magnifies your strengths heavenly. heaven is female rest in the mourning. there is a blanket of peace that covers the soul of the broken there is a layer of strength that falls upon the heart that is aching what is lost will be replaced with something profoundly beautiful there is rest in mourning what no longer deserves to be held by you preserve it all. be single and save yourself for a relationship that motivates you to become the best version of yourself be single until you find a love that resembles the type of love youve been fighting for a solid truth I. an unfaithful man is an insecure man defining his manhood by degrading his relationship and himself evident. the cracks within the foundation of a womans heart the evidence of her survival a solid truth II. empty promises left lying on the tongues of liars false truths spoken in tones that made them believable relationships are more like hell youre just there trying your hardest not to get burned a hopeful ending. all the time youve invested all the energy youve wasted you fought for it you cried over it you lose sleep you lose yourself you want love but the hatred is hard to ignore you suppress the pain you ignore the truth you pretend to be happy and smiling becomes an emotional lie you want joy instead of chaos and you wait around hoping for change but nothing changes spilling over invisible ink with feelings that no one can see silent screams laughing to drown out the sound of your own heart breaking you finally get up enough courage you leave and yet you change your mind while standing at the door back turned, listening to them make a declaration of change that theyll never honor but when it ends let it end when its over let it be dont think about what you lost realize what youve gained an opportunity to be loved instead of taken for granted another chance at a love that isnt filled with pain find rest in the mourning of what had to die a new life a new day a new love a better you understand that youre not missing anything but the bullet that was meant to destroy you emotionally the truth is you dodged what was meant to keep you from finding the right companion let go let it out then let it be more rest. on most nights i lie awake waiting to be seen by your blind eyes my blind devotion has made me your fool keeping me alive on lies your empty promises have become my life support as i struggle to pull the cord i lie awake restless still willing to fight for something you already gave up on still ready to go to war for the love that i deserve the love that youre not strong enough to provide ill move on eventually these things just take time... unavailable. when the past sends you a text dont reply say nothing no longer willing. i got tired i no longer wanted to fight for this loving you was too draining stars aligned. asking for signs our stars aligned keep this in mind so hard to find say youll be mine and we can climb enjoy the us ignoring time its like i like to think of us as something other than the human form extraordinary weve become so far above the norm theres a swarm of love within me feel like im drowning but i like it my feelings growing toward you id allow it i wont fight it love, the blessing. the sun was up which meant the stars remained below us path lit by the skies as if we were asking God to show us wanted a glimpse of my future God responded as he showed us so, to me youve been a blessing i learned a lesson when you showed up dating toward marriage. if up to me my next relationship would be my last relationship over and done. the truth will always reveal itself when the relationship ends and the love has dried up hearts silence. you could no longer argue there was silence in your heart you were finally ready to let go war games. i think i entertained you and your bullshit because i loved the feeling of making up i loved that feeling of going to war with you as the enemy and somehow returning with you as my ally i was foolish because i believed that fighting you meant fighting for us and i was wrong so fucking wrong deep in depth. listen to me hear me out and understand that there will be oceans of emotions deep in depth and waves of despair but youve tested these waters before and just when they expected you to drown you rose to the surface for air you rose to the surface to survive survivalist. our scars memories that hurt none of this gets easier we simply become stronger we go through our ups and downs emotional wars and battles we often feel defeated unable to see that in the moment the scars that are left tell painful stories of victory used to. that was our issue our relationship became a used to we used to talk we used to laugh we used to love this used to be worthy of my time... the only loss. somewhere along the way i lost the essence of who i was while trying to be everything you wanted me to be i think we do that sometimes and maybe ive done that too much losing myself for a love that never existed speak of the future. one day youll be the woman he misses one day youll be the woman he regrets losing one day youll be everything you were trying to be with him with someone new one day youll become someones wife but until then know your worth know your strength and protect your heart becoming love. true happiness is in letting go true love is already within you mistakes. my greatest mistake was believing you when you claimed to have missed me focus now. maybe put your phone down not trying to be possessive or controlling i just wish youd notice me and focus on us september 23rd. i want you to be happy and i need you to understand that hes keeping you from the joy you desire understand the importance in what and in whom you invest your time, love, and energy im not judging you hes just a mistake on your path to something better you cant see the future until youre able to see beyond him hes blocking your view hes just a distraction it hasnt been easy every day is a battle but youre fighting alone because hes not willing to make an effort headaches and heartache youre taken but alone youre in love but in hell i want you to be happy im talking to you many eyes are on this very page yet im talking directly to you youre not alone youre not invisible i see you i know it hurts but youre strong if you want love create it if you want peace leave him behind lies to self. a lot of men sleep around because theyre lying to themselves about who they are sexually using pussy as a means to validate their manhood but theyre never content with one woman because they cant find what theyre looking for inside of a woman wild at heart. good women can be wild too a realization. i realized that the women whom they label as having the worst attitudes are the women who love the hardest these women are worth it she, the search. she never needed to be saved she only wanted to be loved the correct way she wasnt looking for a hero all she wanted was someone she could trust outside of herself i am the love i deserve. i was wrong for thinking i needed someone in order to know what love was the moment i began to search within myself i found everything i needed behind the scars left by you i found the love of my life and in that moment i became my own soul mate transform. nurse your own wounds then turn your pain into power turn your heartache into wisdom unseen. crippled with emotion all twisted up inside we try our hardest to hide the hurt with a smile still willing, still ready. we fight through the hardest parts we survive these emotional wars that leave our hearts bruised and broken we do this until we either find real love or we stop searching for it altogether and even though this journey has been filled with pain and disappointment im not ready to give up on what i deserve before then after. there was pain in leaving but joy in realizing that i no longer needed you this, the process. in order to find your way you have to get lost in order to find love you have to let go of those who choose to hurt you to gain you have to lose i do remember. i remember the fall i remember the feeling i remember what we were i remember but i no longer care insomniac. im convinced that heartache is a form of insomnia between. place distance in between yourself and the things that keep you up at night distance yourself from anyone who robs you of peace and joy she fought. she didnt ask to be protected thats not what she wanted she knew a war was happening and she reached for a weapon she didnt want to be the victim she preferred to fight she was willing to be the hero the nothing i felt. i stopped caring and for me that was more powerful than the love i had for you in the beginning and the hatred i felt when you left i stopped caring i found peace i found freedom resting. i hope you find someone who encourages you to sleep peacefully at night sweet revenge. i could never do the things you did to me i could never lower myself to that level my only revenge was replacing you with someone who could love me the right way my tattoos. i wear these scars like tattoos symbols of my own survival the aftermath. they love you until it ends breakups occur and the hate begins i remember when. you used to ignore me and now that ive found something better with someone new you miss me but i dont care empty pages. if i wrote a book about you itd be filled with blank pages a representation of how i feel about you i feel nothing i feel empty club cesspool. the club was like a cesspool of lost souls trying to fill the void in their lives with people who didnt deserve to be a part of their lives want, need, and deserve. what are you searching for what is it that you need do you know what you want have you realized what you deserve i think the hardest part is realizing that the people we want are sometimes incapable of providing what we deserve and sometimes what we really need is to let go in order to find something worth holding on to a rarity. ive always been different a rare breed of human an odd occurrence to those who have known me some sort of blessing to anyone brave enough to love me and the greatest loss to those who didnt deserve to keep me easier to believe. thats my problem i believe your lies because youre always telling me what i want to hear instead of the truth thatll hurt me you were the one that got away. dont believe him when he says it was supposed to be you because when he hangs up the phone after professing his love hell return to the life with the woman he left you for not playing the victim. i got tired of being the victim for once i wanted to fight go to war battle it out for once i wanted to be my own hero because you were incapable of saving me total recall. i wish i could exchange my memories of you with something worth remembering exhaustion love. youre just tired thats it youve been fighting for their love and affection for so long that youve forgotten how to love yourself fin. your part in my story was over and i had to accept it in pieces. you shouldnt have to destroy yourself to keep him whole teachers of children. warn your daughters about the type of men who hurt hearts raise your sons to be the type of men who refuse to cause pain a sea of deception. stop throwing yourself in the water for people who will sit and watch you struggle and drown the right. women have the right to say no and men have no choice but to respect that hard lessons. the hardest thing youll ever learn is how to let go of the things that used to be worthy of your energy while waiting. everything you deserve is coming be patient laws in love. treat her like you never want to lose her closer to the end. sometimes i think these words will be my last my fingers are aching just as much as my heart my soul is tired and my eyes are heavy as my mind becomes weighed down with thoughts of immortality these words will love forever my name, never to be forgotten but what id like to be remembered for is my ability to give a damn about you even when you feel as if no one gives a fuck i care i think i survived. i get emotional at times knowing that my sweating palms and trembling fingers brought me closer to my own demise staring in the mirror my fingers on the trigger my eyes locked upon the person looking back at me my reflection angry the eyes of disappointment i almost gave up on myself when you gave up on me teal. if dorm rooms could speak theyd scream out in frustration for the many women who have had their lives ruined and innocence stolen saying no. she didnt want to she was unsure she said no but she apologized and what hurt me was the idea of a woman who felt as if she should apologize for not wanting to have sex as if she was obligated to share herself with me v. i lost my virginity before i knew what love actually meant and sometimes i wish i wouldve saved those parts of myself for someone who actually cared for my soul but i guess i shouldnt care because i was young and thats somehow an excuse for wasting my love on those who never loved me empty friendships. all these friends and yet im the loneliest when in need of others theyre only there for the party theyre never around after no words. silence is the loudest message a woman could send a chapter. sometimes i wonder how many bodies have slept in my place how many times have you wasted yourself on people who werent me maybe im just another temporary filler for the story that is your life maybe im just a chapter in the book of several he comes back. but he always comes back how can you be proud of a relationship with a man who chooses you whenever hes done fucking someone else on the side. a man who chooses you in secret every now and then over the woman who he claims in public every day is not something to be proud of its not a compliment its not something to brag about no refuge. your pussy is not his refuge no man who destroys your peace deserves the hidden paradise between your thighs this, the truth. a man who loves you will never abandon you a man who misses you will always show up tips. let yourself be upset stop reaching out to him acknowledge the fact that you cant be with him because you deserve more this is how you move on always waiting. waiting phone in hand this overwhelming sensation filling the spaces of your mind anxiety occupying your soul causing your heart to beat rapidly i hate this feeling this feeling of waiting for someone to become what they promised to be only to realize that youve been waiting for something that wont occur and this realization usually arrives when its too late but until then youre just waiting have-nots. i wanted you but needed love and its too bad for you that you werent able to provide what i needed leaving before. ive spent so much of my time leaving before i got left and i cant help but think about what ive lost due to assuming that id lose everything adjust. things change people change you either evolve or fail to adjust the longer it takes to realize this the more it hurts when those closest to you become unfamiliar looks. we fall in love with the looks of something but not everything is what it appears to be pray. no longer do i pray for love i ask God for the strength to survive the pain i keep learning. life taught me what to keep and what to let go of in the midst of emotional chaos theres a lesson my 20s. all throughout my 20s meeting temporary people claiming to love me until theyre ready to love someone else this is how it ends. i remember giving you so much of me i can recall the pain that followed i invested all of my energy all of my time and love into you as i suffered because you refused to do the same you hurt me and instead of seeking revenge i packed up my emotions and tossed away all of your empty promises of change no longer a prisoner to your false claims of feeling bad or being sorry for all the ways you destroyed my heart i was able to lead and live a life that was no longer dictated by your refusal to appreciate me this was our end... rest in the mourning copyright 2016 by r.h. Sin. Sin.
