Dunn Gaby - I Hate Everyone But You

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TO OUR PARENTS (OBVIOUSLY)

PLEASE CONFIRM RECEIPT OF THIS MESSAGE

Ava Helmer

to Gen

Dear Best Friend,

It is with a heavy heart that I write the first of what I can only imagine will be hundreds of emails detailing every second of our college-bound lives. I am extraordinarily proud of you and cant wait for the entire city of Boston to both love and fear you. Just remember that NO ONE will ever love (or fear) you like I do.

Grow! Flourish! Experiment with things so I dont have to. I will miss you every second of every day until you graduate a year early (hopefully) and return to me and the dry heat of the West Coast. Journalists can work anywhere, so dont try to pull I need to move to New York four years from now. You know I barely survived during your summer program in Temecula.

I can already tell that I will hate everyone but you.

Sincerely,

Ava Helmer

(that brunette who wont leave you alone)

P.S. My mother wants to make sure you bought a winter jacket. If not, she will ship you one using Amazon Prime.

Re: PLEASE CONFIRM RECEIPT OF THIS MESSAGE

Gen Goldman

to Ava

Were still in the same room, you weirdo.

Stop crying.

G

(the blonde who is really uncomfortable with large displays of emotion)

11:45 AM PST

Are you at the airport?

Hello?

I hope youre at the airport because your flight takes off in 20 minutes.

Maybe your phone is dead. I hope your phone is dead and you are not dead.

8:51 PM EST

Landed.

Oh, thank God! I called your parents.

Sry. Phone died. Charged it. Fell asleep.

How was the flight? Do you want to come home?

Maybe in 46 months?? Hit on the steward & got some free peanuts.

Nuts are always free.

Depends on the kind

Genevieve! Gross.

Did not blow the steward in the bathroom. If only for ur sake, my precious baby angel.

Plus he was gay.

I have to go pick out bedding with my mother. Call me when you get to your dorm.

Ill text u.

Get something stainproof.

Just saw that. GROSS!

YOUR REPLACEMENT

Gen Goldman

to Ava

Just kidding. Shannon could never replace you. Mostly because her parents must be mental to name her Shannon. How are the Helmers BTW? Do they miss their favorite should-have-been daughter? Your dad emailed me Boston tips from his one business trip five years ago Apparently, the Marriott bar has KILLER chicken wings.

Still havent heard from my parents. Hopefully they read my note. Can you be a runaway if you run away to a liberal arts college?

Back to my new BFF, Shannon. I hadnt even put my bag down before she stood up on her bed, popped open one of the ceiling tiles, and pulled out a bag of weed. I can already tell that she is going to be a lot of fun. But only when shes high.

Emerson isnt really a college campus so much as two buildings and a theater. Which is perfect, because I didnt even want to go to college. My RA says that the Boston Common (a big park) is our unofficial campus, but Ive never seen a campus with so many meth heads.

I already love it here. I think I would blow my brains out if I was gated in somewhere with school spirit and a football team. It barely feels like school other than the optional classes. (JK. I know class is heavily encouraged.)

G

P.S. Dont be mad, but I took a Lyft to the airport. The driver was not a creep but he did hug me good-bye so it was basically the same as having a going-away party.

Re: YOUR REPLACEMENT

Ava Helmer

to Gen

You took a Lyft to the airport?????

Re: YOUR REPLACEMENT

Ava Helmer

to Gen

On second reading, the horrible saga of you going to the airport by yourself isnt even the worst part of that email. You cant let Shannon keep drugs in your room! Do you want to get expelled?? Because you will! I read the handbook for you.

Ive been nervous reading all day. I now know far too much about how to properly brew tea from some weird booklet my mom refused to throw out. I move into the dorms tomorrow. Part of me wants to get there super early and sanitize the entire room and the other part of me doesnt want to go at all.