Veitch - Dot.con: fed up with scam emails?: ever wondered what would happen if you replied--?

Contents

It was an email, received first thing in the morning from my friend Alex (unexpected trip, mugging), that sowed the seeds of whats become Dot.Con. It didnt take me long to realise it wasnt Alex (Western Union, alarm bells) and, I reasoned, this gave me the upper hand. I was sitting up in bed now, finger poised over DELETE on my iPhone when this question came quite unbidden: What would happen if I replied?

The marooned friend is one of the best known scams, principally because its the one that dodges the spam filter most frequently. It comes from someone you know but, often, only tangentially. Its since become hands down one of my favourite scams. The scammer is pretending to be someone whom you know; they dont know how you know them, though, which means you can just make it up as you go along.

I pecked out a reply.

What?????? Alex, but how on earth did this happen?

And the game was afoot.

The correspondence lasted a day and forms the first section of this book. I had so much fun that it got me thinking: what would happen if I began replying to every scam email I received? And thats what Ive been doing for the past two years on your behalf.

Ive been inducted into the FBI, won the Peruvian lottery (twice), been buttered up by kings, princes and pirates. I have offshore accounts, consignments of gold and a serious girlfriend in Moscow (were giving it until spring 2017 and then one of us is going to move).

Do try this at home; its the only defence we have. But set up a pseudonymous email account and use that to reply. Initially, I was using my own account and, consequently, I think I was put on some sort of list of suckers. Id wake up to discover 400 new emails about penis enlargements, only one of which was a legitimate offer.

Dont get me wrong I dont want to be mean to the scammers. There are lots of people online who do that. Im content merely having fun inventing and I figure any time theyre spending with me is time in which theyre not scamming vulnerable adults out of their savings.

Incidentally, if you think you dont get spam, you do; you just have a very good spam filter. If you want to see whats been netted pre-inbox, open your spam folder there be dragons But also, I believe, opportunities. I think of the spam folder not as Pandoras box, but as a costume shop in which you can play and play at being whoever and whatever you wish. If only for a time. Last week, I was a bank robber, a pilot and the one-time confidant of a beautiful Arabian princess and that was just Monday.

Its worth mentioning that for every one of the emails in the book, there were ten or twenty that didnt make the cut. Conversation would end abruptly when the scammer rumbled me as a time-waster, or an email would bounce, the scammers email address having been confiscated and destroyed by their provider. More often than not, the scammer would refuse to go off-script, giving me just generic, pasted responses. But, on rare occasions, with enough coaxing well, youll see.

James Veitch

24 March 2015

Manila, Philippines

(stranded following an unexpected trip)

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Hi Date: 15 December 08:19

Hi, sorry to bother you but I made a trip early this week to London, UK and had my bag stolen with my passport and credit cards in it. The embassy is letting me y without my passport, I just have to pay for a ticket and settle Hotel bills. I was thinking of asking you to lend me some funds. I need to be on the next available ight.

Alex

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 09:56

What??????

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 10:33

Thanks for your response i need $2000 to pay hotel bills and cover my expenses, let me know what you can come up with. I made inquires and was told western union would be the best option.

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 15:54

Alex,

But how on earth did this happen? I had no idea you were even in London? And two GRAND on hotel bills? How on earth did you manage that? You could have stayed at mine for free! Im working on getting you the cash.

James

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 15:59

Thanks alot James i promise to pay back as soon as i get back. here are the details you will need in sending the funds via western union

Alexandra K,
Charing Cross Road,
London,
WC2H 0QU

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 16:00

To be honest, Im a bit annoyed youve spent the past week in the lap of luxury and havent contacted me at all. I thought we were close; what happened? Also, whats your room like? Ill talk to the bank tomorrow.

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 16:05

Dont be please you know my head was filled and i was a bit confused but now you promised to help my mind is at rest cant you be able to get the funds by today please i really need to get on the next avaiable ight let me know.

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 16:08

I know how you feel. If Im paying the bill though do you think you could at least steal me some towels?

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 16:48

James try and get back to me with update let me know if you have sent the funds

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 16:53

Alex, before I do this, and I want to, but before I do this, just tell me one thing: how was I, as a lover? Ive been wanting to know this for ages but havent ever had the courage to ask.

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 18:12

James dont start am in a mess right now and my head aches please just get me out of this mess and we will discuss this when i get home okay,

Thanks and waiting to hear from you soon

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 18:16

If thats the way youre going to behave then maybe you can just dig yourself out of this mess. Remember Tuscany? Those huge waves? All I want to know is whether you still love me. Tell me you still love me?

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 18:24

Okay James i still remember the old times we spent together and i wish we could do it once more if we had the chance to okay i will never forget the good times we both spent together please just get me out of this mess

From: James Veitch

To: Alexandra K

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 18:31

But do you love me???

From: Alexandra K

To: James Veitch

Subject: Re: Hi Date: 15 December 18:43

yes i do love you James and i will meet you at the airport once all this is clear okay so just get to a WU and wire the funds so we can meet and spend time together alright. Keep me posted