Sherry Amatenstein - How Does That Make You Feel?

Advance Praise for

How Does That Make You Feel?

Funny, smart, frustrating, heartbreaking, but above all honesttrue tales of that most private of relationships between therapist and client. Told from both sides of the couch, but always from the heart.

Judith Sills, author of The Comfort Trap

This book is as engrossing and illuminating as a volume of good short stories. It explores the hidden, fascinating nooks, crannies, and complications of the complex relationship between therapist and patient, a subject that turns out to be endlessly fascinating. One feels the presence of Amatensteins humane, sensitive, and experienced hand in a collection that is wide-ranging and comprehensive in its range of issues. Many talented writers on view. Many thought-provoking moments. You dont have to have been on the couch to enjoy this book. All that is necessary is an interest in people and the struggles of modern life.

George Hodgman, bestselling author of Bettyville

With rapier wit and a big dose of humanity, Sherry Amatenstein and the amazing writers she has assembled ask us to look at ourselves. And I think well be better for it.

Jenny Lumet, actress and award-winning screenwriter of Rachel Getting Married

Reading these fascinating, no-holds-barred essays, its sometimes hard to tell who is crazierthe patients or the therapists!

Lee Woodruff,New York Times bestselling author of Perfectly Imperfect

These searingly honest essays brilliantly capture the uniquely complicated relationships that therapists and patients share in the course of trying to navigate our lives. If youve ever revealed your most private hopes, dreams, fears, and longings with a stranger in a high-backed chairor been that stranger in a high-backed chairyoull be so engrossed by these stories that you may end up skipping your session.

Lori Gottleib, bestselling author of Marry Him

How Does That Make You Feel is an eye-opening look at therapy. With essays ranging from the profoundly emotional to the downright hilarious, we can all learn something about a relationship so many of us hold dear, that between a therapist and their patient. Invaluable insight that will undoubtedly foster better understanding all around.

Mara Schiavocampo

As a person whos been through therapyand both loved, and hated, and then loved and hated it againthis book speaks to the experience on the couch unlike anything Ive ever read, and reading it has given me not only a better understanding of the therapeutic process, but also a better understanding of myself.

Kevin McEnroe, author of Our Town

Copyright 2016 Sherry Amatenstein

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.

The Pregnant Therapist by Jessica Zucker originally appeared in The New York Times.

An earlier version of Changing the Story by Jonathan Schiff originally appeared in The New York Times.

Note: Throughout this book, names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

ISBN 978-1580056250

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

Published by

SEAL PRESS

An imprint of Perseus Books

A Hachette Book Group company

1700 Fourth Street, Berkeley, California

Sealpress.com

Cover and Interior design by Tabitha Lahr

Icon art Tim McGrath

Printed in the United States of America

Distributed by Publishers Group West

This book is dedicated to my parents, whom I miss every day. Bernard and Bernice Amatenstein were supportive of my midlife decision to become a shrink as well as the reason I needed one myself.

This book is also dedicated to all those in need of and dispensing mental health treatment (the two are not mutually exclusive!). There is no shame in admitting to emotional problems, and I hope one day soon there will be no stigma attached to such an admission.

Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Sherry Amatenstein

Beth Sloan

Susan Shapiro

Laura Bogart

Juli Fraga

Anna March

Sherry Amatenstein

Royal Young

Jenine Holmes

Molly Peacock

Mindy Greenstein

Kurt Nemes

Beverly Donofrio

Charlie Rubin

Jean Kim

Estelle Erasmus

Janice Eidus

Kate Walter

Binnie Klein

Adam Sexton

Patti Davis

Diane Josefowicz

Jessica Zucker

Pamela Rafalow Grossman

Nina Gaby

Amy Klein

Megan Devine

Barbara Schoichet

Priscilla Warner

Dennis Palumbo

Eve Tate

Linda Yellin

Jonathan Schiff

Allison McCarthy

Martha Crawford

| Sherry Amatenstein |

Were all crazy and the only difference between patients and their therapists is the therapists havent been caught yet.

Max Walker

I maintained that psychiatry, in the broadest sense, is a dialogue between the sick psyche and the psyche of the doctor, which is presumed to be normal. It is a coming to terms between the sick personality and that of the therapist, both in principle equally subjective.

Carl Gustav Jung

O f course you wonder what your therapist thinks of you. Of course your therapist has thoughts about you that on occasion practically leap off his or her tongue into your ears. How could it be otherwiseflawed humanity is the shared cloth of the healer and the one with the naked psyche twisting in the room. And with personal details about your shrink just a Google search away, it is tougher and tougher to keep Oz behind the curtain.

But Internet searches only reveal external factoids. The drive behind this book is to bring daylight to both sides of an artificial (payment is rendered) yet profound joining. Imperfect as this joining is, it is deeply intimate as well as collaborativeat times creating a connection that can feel purer than any other bond.

Yet the bond is illusory, as therapeutic boundaries serve to contain the relationship to the sanctioned forty-five to fifty minutes per serving. Thus:

* Sex is a no-no.

* Grabbing a few drinks together after a session, a no-no.

* Also a no-nolending ones shrink a five spot (though I once lent a patient money).

These rules exist for a reason. Therapy is about the patient. Or it should be.

Again, that doesnt mean patients are not stark raving curious about their shrinks, and their shrinks lives. What is this human magnet for revelations about your demons, desires, and most shameful secrets really like? And what does the human magnet really think about you?