Terry Southern - Candy

To

Hadj and Zoon

Elle ne savait pas combien elle tait

vertueuse dans le crime quelle se reprochait.

VOLTAIRE

IVE READ MANY BOOKS, said Professor Mephesto, with an odd finality, wearily flattening his hands on the podium, addressing the seventy-six sophomores who sat in easy reverence, immortalizing his every phrase with their pads and pens, and now, as always, giving him the confidence to slowly, artfully dramatize his words, to pause, shrug, frown, gaze abstractly at the ceiling, allow a wan wistful smile to play at his lips, and repeat quietly, many books... A grave nod of his magnificent head, and he continued: Yes, and in my time Ive traveled widely. They say travel broadens oneand Ive... no doubt that it does. Here he pretended to drop some of his lecture notes and, in retrieving them, showed his backside to the class, which laughed appreciatively. Professor Mephestos course, Contemporary Ethics, was one of the most popular in the school. In addition to being so highly intellectual and abstract, the professor was a regular guy, not just a simple armchair crackpot. Yes, Ive no doubt that it does, he said softly, keeping a straight face as he adjusted his notes, and now letting a slight edge enter his voicebecause, having given them the laugh at that point, he was now setting them up for the high seriousness to followthis being his formula: one part tomfoolery, two parts high seriousness. And in my travels, Ive seen... beauty in every form. Ive seen the rainbow on Mont Blanc, and Ive seen the illuminated manuscripts of the Flemish monks where every page took seven monks two years to produce! God, theyre lovely! Yes, Ive strolled through the dew-sparkling Gardens of Babylon in the dawn of a summer morning, and Ive seen the birds of paradise stand at eventide against the white glittering marble of the Taj Mahal. God, what a sight! He paused to touch his temple, as though nearly overwhelmed. Yes, Ive seen the... wonders of the world ... Ive seen the beauty ... of the world... the Pyramids in the thunderous blood-colored dawn, and the Tower of Pisa, and the paintings of the Great Masters... Ive seen them all. I have seen beauty ... in every form. Ive stood on the ancient bridge in a snow-falling morn and heard the winter peal of the silver bells, from the high towers, over the dark stone and mysterious waters of old Heidelberg. And Ive seen the Great Northern Lights... and the flowers of the field! And he leaned toward them, touching one hand, as though absently, to his hair, and he spoke with a soft, terse defiance, so that everyone knew how very serious he was now,... and Ive seen the SUN! The glorious, glorious sun! Beauty, I say to you, in every form. BUT... but . .. Ill tell you this: and his lip curled in a strange, almost angry way, and a tremor came into his voice, while in the lecture hall, not even a breath was heard, I have never seen anything ... to compare . .. with the beauty... of the... human face!

The bell sounded at precisely that instant, for it was another curious feature of Professor Mephestos lectures that they reached a dramatic high point at the exact second of the bell.

In the fifth row center, Candy Christian slowly closed her notebook and dropped her pen into her purse. She was sitting on the edge of her chair, holding her breath; then she gave a soft sigh and sat back limply. She felt utterly exhausted, yet exhilarated too. A great man, she thought, a truly great man. Im in the presence of a truly great man.

She gathered up her things and filed out slowly with the others. At the door she had a glimpse of Professor Mephesto walking down the hall toward his office, clasping his notes up to his chest, talking amiably to one of the students, his arm around the boys shouldera very young boy with wild hair and a sullen face. She wondered what they were saying. She wondered what she would say. How she would love to be a part of the conversation! Yet, what could she say? She decided to go straight to the library and read for the rest of the afternoon, then she remembered that she had promised her father she would come directly home after class and go with him to Aunt Idas. Darn Daddy anyway! she said to herself.

Candy was born on Valentines Day. Perhaps this was why she was so beautifulor so her father often remarked, at least in the presence of others; when they were alone, however, he was inclined to be a bit strict with hernot strict so much as insensitive to her needs, or possessively solicitous. But he was, after all, only a simpleminded businessman. At any rate though, there was something like a Valentine about Candyone of the expensive ones, all frills and lace, and fragrance of lavender. But she was sometimes petulant, and perhaps it was this, her petulance, more than her virginity, which was her flaw and her undoing.

Mr. Christian was waiting in his armchair when Candy arrived. Hi! he said, glancing at his watch and only half lowering the paper. Learn anything today? She came over and gave him a perfunctory kiss. She wanted so much to tell him about Professor Mephesto and the human face, but of course he could never understand, not in a billion billion years. Yes, I think so, she said quietly.

Anything wrong? asked Mr. Christian. He didnt like to see her face in repose, or perhaps thoughtful.

No, she sighed and gave him a tired smile as she put down her books, just that things are a little hectic with exams coming on.

Hmm, said her father, getting up, brushing some tobacco from his lap, looking at his watch again. Well, wed better get started, if were going, he said. I dont want to be tied up there all afternoon. Ill get the car out.

Candy went into the bathroom and quickly brushed her hair and freshened her makeup. It did so please her father for her to look nice at Aunt Idas. Still holding the brush she stood gazing at herself in the glass. And Ive seen the glorious sun, she said softly,... but Ive never seen beauty to compare

Two short sharp burps from the horn of her fathers new Plymouth made her start slightly and put down the brush. She turned out the bathroom light. Darn Daddy anyway! she said to herself as she hurried for the car.

PROFESSOR MEPHESTO WAS a pacifist, and todays lecture had been about War. Since he did not have a regular question-and-answer period in his lectures, he very often posed knotty problems to himself and then proceeded to answer them, as he was doing today in his closing remarks.

I spent last summer in Stillwater, Maine, with a friend of mine, Tab Hutchins... its a place of incredible beauty, Stillwater, youll want to go there sometime. Well, Tab isnt by our pompous standards, an educated man... I mean he doesnt have the robe and the scrolls, and he doesnt speak in polysyllables, but I can tell you this: Tab Hutchins has one of the finest minds of our time. An auto mechanic by trade, a positivist-humanist by choice, and a scholar of the classics by inclination. I always get a little thrill somehow to see old Tab crawling under one of the dilapidated trucks that the farmers around Stillwater bring for him to fixcrawling under, a volume of Plato sticking out of one pocket, a volume of Aristotle out of the other.

Well, one day Tab and I were talking and he said to me, in that serious way of his: Meph, you say youre against War. You say that War never accomplished anything.

I said, Thats what I say, Tab.

He drew on his old briar, thoughtful for a moment, and then he said:

Will you answer me one question, Meph?

Ill answer it if I can, Tab, I said.