Dan Greenburg - Thrills, Spills, and Cosmic Chills

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9. We Didnt Go Anywhere,
We Didnt Do Anything

Look at me, dudes, said Lek. He placed a big cowboy hat on his head and studied himself in the mirror. Now I am a real cowpuncher, he said. By the way, what is a cowpuncher?

Someone who makes a fist and hits cows, said Klatu.

No, silly, said Lily. Cowpuncher is just another word for cowboy.

I knew that, said Klatu.

Klatu, Lek, and Ploo were alien kids from the planet Loogl. Theyd crash-landed in the Nevada desert near Area 51, the secret army base. The rescue ship from planet Loogl was about to pick them up when guards from Area 51 came along. They should have returned home by now.

Klatu was the oldest. He had been flying the spaceship when it crashed. Lek was his younger brother, and Ploo was their younger sister. They all had large heads, big black eyes, gray skin, and antennas growing out of the middle of their heads.

If they had to, they could morph into human or animal shape for an arp. Thats about an hour in Earth time. Just now Lek, Ploo, and Klatu had morphed into human shape.

Do I look like a bad dude? asked Lek, smiling in the mirror.

The baddest of the bad dudes, said Lily. She was a human girl they had met when Ploo was a prisoner at Area 51.

Klatu, Lek, and Ploo were trying on cowboy outfits that smelled like an old ladys closet. They were about to get their pictures taken in the photo booth at West World. West World and Space World were part of a huge theme park in Los Angeles called Dizzyland. WHERE THE OLD WEST MEETS THE FUTURE said the signs.

Thank you for taking us to Dizzyland, Jo-Jo, said Ploo.

Oh, dont mention it, said Jo-Jo. She was a grown-up human who was helping them. She had once worked at Area 51. She was very good at fixing cars and alien spaceships.

Why should we not mention it? Lek asked. Will it get us into trouble?

No, no, thats just a saying, said Lily. It means Youre welcome.

As soon as the four kids got into their cowboy clothes, they went outside to have their pictures taken. Most days in Los Angeles were smoggy. Today the sun was so bright that shadows were sharp and colors snapped.

Just outside the dressing rooms was a street right out of the Old West. On both sides of a dirt road stood a bunch of one-story wooden buildings. They looked at least a hundred years old, but they were brand-new. There was a general store, a telegraph office, a newspaper office, a bank, and a blacksmith shop. Real horses were tied up outside the bank. They whinnied and snorted when the kids passed by.

Two huge motorized cowboy statues wheeled toward Lek, Ploo, and Klatu. This town aint big enough for both of us! boomed a recording inside the first cowboy. Reach for the sky, yuh mangy varmint!

Lek and Klatu panicked and raised their hands high in the air.

Hit the dirt, Bert! boomed a recording in the second cowboy. Lek and Klatu dropped to the ground.

Lily and Jo-Jo giggled. Even Ploo thought it was funny.

Reach for the sky, yuh mangy varmint! said the first statue again.

Lek and Klatu jumped up again, hands in the air. Their clothes were brown from landing in the dirt.

Guys, those cowboys arent real, said Lily. Theyre statues.

I knew that, said Klatu, dusting himself off.

I didnt, said Lek.

Klatu, Lek, Ploo, and Lily stood with the cowboys to have their pictures taken. When they were done, they returned the costumes and walked through a gate to Space World.

Space World had been built to seem like a town in the future. A monorail train zipped overhead along a gleaming silver track. Shiny silver buildings looked like theyd been designed years in the future. Fountains threw spurts of water in the air that seemed to float in space. Space World workers walked around in silver astronaut suits.

Look! shouted Klatu suddenly. A spaceship!

Everybody turned. A tall rocket stood on a launching pad, pointed at the stars.

Maybe we could borrow it to fly back to planet Loogl! said Lek excitedly.

That there rocket isnt gonna fly you nowhere, hon, said Jo-Jo. Its just a theme-park ride.

Oh, said Lek.

Ploo held up her hand for quiet.

What are you listening to? Lily asked.

A message asking for asking help, said Ploo. Im picking it up through E.S.P.

I heard it, too, said Klatu. You are not the only Loogling who has E.S.P., Ploo.

The message is coming from over there, said Ploo, pointing.

Everyone turned in the direction Ploo was pointing. A sign said SPACE WORLD GALAXY ZOO. COME SEE CREATURES FROM ALL OVER THE UNIVERSE!

Thats a carnival sideshow, hon, said Jo-Jo. They have lots of animals in cages. Some of them are pretty weird. I feel sorry for them, all cooped up like that.

Let us walk that way, said Ploo. Perhaps we can find out who is calling out for help.

Lek, Klatu, Ploo, Lily, and Jo-Jo walked down the long line of cages. Inside the cages were a bunch of odd creatures. There was a large white snake with two heads. There was an animal that looked like a bald monkey with a long tail and no fur at all. There was something with long hair hanging down from its head, covering its entire body. The cages smelled like rotten popcorn.

That is the one who called for help, whispered Klatu. He pointed to the hairy creature.

Are you sure? asked Ploo. She looked at the hairy creature doubtfully.

I am positive, said Klatu. He turned to the hairy creature. How do you do? he said. He spoke extra slowly and extra loudly. My name is Klatu. Did you call for help?

Lek punched Klatu in the arm. You varna! whispered Lek. If he esped a call for help, he does not want anybody to know!

Lek is right, said Lily.

Do not listen to them, said Klatu to the hairy creature. Tell me if you are the one who you know what.

The hairy creature just stared at Klatu. The rotten popcorn smell grew stronger.

I do not think this is the one who esped for help, whispered Ploo. I think it is that one over there. She nodded toward another cage.

Everyone looked at the cage. Inside was a small creature with soft brown fur, shiny black eyes, and the face of a baby gorilla.