Robert Asprin - Myth-ion Improbable (Myth, Book 11)

Theres gotta be a way out of this dungeon.

G. GYGAX

Okay, this was another first for me. I had never had the luck, opportunity, or bad timing to be in a room full of dead people. And these werent just any dead people, but people who had clearly had the life sucked out of them through their necks just the night before. There had to be at least fifteen or twenty bodies, all naked, with ugly marks on their necks, and eyes staring at the ceiling.

I stood, holding the torch in the air, not really wanting to move in any direction until the others were beside me. Not that I thought the dead could do anything to me, or that I was superstitious about dead spirits. I wasnt, I was sure. I just didnt want to make a wrong move until I had someone beside me, or at least that was what I told myself.

Looks like you were lucky to survive last night, Aahz said to Glenda as helped her through the trap door and onto her feet.

Does seem that way, doesnt it, she said, leaning against a table with a dead guy on it.

The guy looked a lot like the guy who ran Audrys. I was starting to think that most of the men on this planet looked like him.

So much for thinking they didnt kill their food source, Tanda said.

I dont think most do, Aahz said. But this is the castle, the royalty of the planet. I would imagine in here all rules are off.

Wonderful, I said. Now we have naked killer vampire cows, one of which is rumored to give golden milk.

Strange place, isnt it? Aahz said.

You could say that, but you just did.

We need to put that rug back and close the trap, Tanda said. Make sure we cover our tracks as best we can.

I handed Tanda the torch and Aahz and I sat to work. In a few seconds the room looked like it had before we came up out of the floor.

Now where? Glenda asked.

I pulled out the map and opened it, holding it up to the light for Aahz and Tanda to see. The morgue, the room we were in, was now central on the map. The golden cow had moved to the kitchen. And our path out of here was through a panel in the back of the room, not the door. The map showed the panel leading to a secret passageway that led for a long ways up through the castle.

You know, I said, pointing at where the passageway led, that we are getting deeper and deeper into the castle and farther from an escape exit.

Looks that way, doesnt it? Aahz said, staring at the map.

That doesnt matter and you know it, Aahz, Glenda said. At least you could tell your apprentice the truth.

We all turned and looked at where she was leaning on a table with a naked dead guy right behind her.

Hows that? Aahz asked, clearly not happy at Glendas tone.

We cant escape this place without beating this map, she said. And beating the map means capturing the golden cow, who I assume, is the leader of this entire dimension. That golden cow is the only one who is going to let us go, and you know it.

At that point I was convinced that all the blood loss had gotten to her mind. The only thing I wanted to do was find a way out and run or fly as fast as we could until we were far enough away that we could hop dimensions and get away from this insane place.

Come on, I said, smiling at her. That would be crazy. Going after the head of all the cow vampires would be suicide. Wed end up like all these fine food products around us. Glenda, its clear you need to rest.

No one said anything. Glenda just kept staring at me and slowly I realized that neither Aahz or Tanda were telling her how crazy she was either.

I turned to my mentor, who had a sheepish look on his face.

Shes right, he said. We wouldnt stand a chance of getting out of here, against the kind of magik we are facing, without the help of the map.

I looked at Tanda.

She smiled at me. Theyre right. I can barely, with Glendas assistance, keep us hidden. The magik around here is so powerful, we wouldnt stand a chance without help from the top. And the map is leading us to that help.

At that moment I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was as dead as any of the bodies in the room with us. I just wasnt smart enough yet to lie down and stop breathing like they had all done.

With one more look at my mentor, then at Glenda, I shrugged and tried to put on my best death-mask face.

Why not? Lets get moving before someone comes in and stops our fun treasure hunt before it really gets started.

With one more look at the map, I folded it and put it back in my pouch.

Then I headed through the tables of bodies to the back wall. As I went I wanted to talk to the bodies, tell them Id be right back, tell them to wait, to reserve a table for me. But I kept my morbid thoughts to myself.

There was a large cabinet of medical supplies filling the back wall and no hidden panel that I could see. From what the map had shown, the panel was right behind the cabinet.

I took hold of the back edge of the cabinet and pulled outward. I expected it to be too heavy for me to move, but it swung easily and silently, opening up into a passageway behind the panel.

I glanced back at Tanda and Aahz and Glenda, who were silently watching me.

Give me the torch and follow me, I said. Well check the map again when we get a ways inside. And pull this closed behind you.

Aahz nodded.

It felt good to be leading, even if I wasnt going in a direction I wanted to go. At least Id get to the wrong place first, and more than likely be killed first.

Tanda handed me the torch and I slipped behind the cabinet.

The passageway was as wide as a small hallway back in the Possiltum palace. It was mostly made of wood, with some stone walls along the way. Unlike the passageway cut out of the rock below the morgue, this looked like it had had regular traffic over the years.

I stayed in the faint path in the dust and moved ten steps down the secret passageway, then stopped. Aahz pulled the cabinet closed and motioned that he was ready. I wondered if we could go back that way if we had to, but I didnt want Aahz to check, simply for the fear of finding out we couldnt.

About a hundred paces along the secret passageway branched into two. One went to the right and up slightly, while the other went seemingly straight as far as the light from our torch would show.

Tanda was behind me and I handed her the light, again pulling out the map.

It had changed again, showing the passageway we were in and the intersection. The map now wanted us to go right. And up.

I remembered being in front of this castle and looking up as it towered over us. I had never seen anything so big before. Now it seemed that if this map had its way, which Aahz and Tanda were determined to give it, we would end up at the top.

Maybe up there Id have a good view when all the life was sucked out of me.

The passageway sloped upwards, sometimes stairs, sometimes just a ramp. It bent to the right, then in twenty paces to the right again, as if going around a room. From that point on it just kept turning and twisting and climbing. After twenty minutes I was so turned around and lost, I couldnt even begin to tell you what part of the castle we were in. All I knew was that we had gone up a great deal. Finally the corridor ended at the top of a short flight of stairs.

I stopped and waited as Tanda caught up. Then, ten steps behind her, came Aahz helping Glenda. He sure was being nice, for some reason, to a woman who had betrayed him. That wasnt like Aahz at all. Clearly he needed her for something, and I was never far enough away from Glenda to ask what it was. When they caught up, Glenda slumped to the ground and closed her eyes and I pulled out the map and looked at where it was taking us. It showed the end of the secret passageway where we were standing, and a secret door into a giant ballroom was right in front of me. I glanced at the wall. I couldnt see where it was, but I assumed that when I needed it, it would be there.